I am so sick of carrying this family!!!!

So I am a SAHM. I have been since I was put on bed rest with our first, almost 7 years ago. I am now 36w2d and I am ready to throw a huge fit! I am so sick of carrying this family by myself, it's not fair!!!! My husband lost his job freakin' LAST YEAR and I know he hasn't gotten a job because he is too dag on picky and thinks he's better than some places. I am pissed off. He has been getting unemployment up until now. We can't even make all of our bills!!! We have decreased all of our bills to the "necessities" only. I am about to go into default with 3 of my student loans, and who knows where we are at with his 2. I told hubby I was more than willing (both before we found out I was pregnant, and even while I have been pregnant) to get a job to help keep us above drowning in debt. So unemployment runs out next week!!!! We have everything for the kids to start school, thank goodness, and we have everything for this baby. I have about all the size 1 diapers we will need for her so we are set there. He has been applying to jobs but he doesn't do squat around here. I am constantly the person to have to remind him "hey, I need this taken out" or "this needs to go to the dump." By do you think his lazy ass does it!??!?!!? NO! I am so mad! I usually don't talk about my husband like this, but when I cannot physically do things due to being pregnant, he needs to pick up the slack. HE doesn't work all day, he goes to bed about 3a and wakes up about 12-3p! THAT is not ok. My kids are always asking daddy to play with them but he is always "busy." I understand he is busy because he is trying to get some cash by helping people with their computer problems (he was a computer consultant, etc). That brings in money. But it means he needs to go to bed earlier, wake up earlier and help me out and see his kids! They are about to start school and a newborn is about to arrive. I know when the baby gets here he is going to be all sulky and saying "I just want your attention" and bs! I have told him time and time again how I feel, I suggest things that he can do that would help me, and give more attention to the kids, etc. He doesn't help. So this morning was trash day. 2 wks ago I forgot to put meat in the trash. Well because of the ridiculously stupid animals around here they keep knocking over our trash and pulling it out everywhere. WE have to clean it EVERY day since it happens EVERY night! WE have tried mouse traps in the trash and bricks on top of the trash cans. It's out of hand! Anyway, so the trash needed to go out, I had meat that I wouldn't put in the trash until the night before/ morning of because i didn't want animal dragging it out. So anyway, 4 large items needed to go to the trash TODAY. I reminded him 3Xs yesterday. He says he will take care of it. he wakes up at 4-5 something and I get up to go potty, I tell him "dont forget to take out the trash." he says he will. come 730a I ask him if he took out the trash and he says "yes." Trash comes at 8- 815a. I wake up and do you think he got his lazy ass up and took it... HELL NO!! OMG I AM SO FREAKIN MAD!!!!!!
I don't ask him to watch the kids for me to do things, or get time alone. I don't ask him to help with household chores- scrubbing the tub, cleaning the toilet, laundry, dishes, making meals. I just ask him to help me with things I caNNOT do. UGH!!!! I AM sick of being the one to "motivate" this family. I seriously want to scream and cry at the same time... but thanks for letting me vent. X( ~X(

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  • that's the problem, i think. his parents would set rules but not enforce them and he never listened to them. i admit early in our marriage i basically let him get away with everything. as far as now i don't know what to do. i have no where to go. i have one friend who lives with her mom in a one bedroom loft apartment who smokes (my son has a lot of health issues). so i can't even go to her place to hang out and relax.

    i ended up having a really long anxiety attack. he was asleep and the kids were throwing grapes in the living room. i had already told him 3 times by that time i REALLY needed him to get up. he looks at me and just lays there saying "ok." then goes back to sleep. if i raise hell or yell at him to get out of bed then it all comes back on me. i was done. i put the kids in their room and went in to say "i REALLY REALLY REAAAAAAALLY need you to get out of bed and help out!" He only got out of bed after i had to yell at our daughter for spitting at her brother. I just can't take it. I am one of those people who works through hard times. We have been through a lot together and as difficult as it was and it gets i think we should both be trying our hardest. I have talked w/him about how he is losing me because i can't trust him, rely on him or anything. i don't know what to do. He started yelling at me and telling me I Am worthless and i just call people names (NOT TRUE) and yell all the time. I got up and left, completely hysterical- i had to stop at a stop sign and calm down- my glasses were fogging up i was so upset. i drove around and stopped to clean out the van. i get home and he leaves. he pisses me off. i just can't deal with this much longer. I have told him but he seems to just run all over me, then when he wants to be nice, he expects me to let everything go and be all happy.
  • Where about do u live?
  • Has ur husband tried going to employment sevices... Im sure he has but i know they helped my dad when he list his job.
  • Im sorry ur going thru so much. I hooe everything gets better.
  • thanks @mommyof3girls. I am trying really hard not to be on him and nagging, but you know it need to be done. things like dry wall in the living room. i need it moved so i can vacuum and put the baby swing in there so i have room to open her door in her room. or things like that. i appreciate you replying back. its been years since i have had anxiety attacks and these past few months have been terrible.
    yes he has tried employment services and job hunters, temp agencies. it stinks here!! (as I am sure everywhere else)
  • U know what? U r perfectly in ur place to nag on him. I would have gone totally insane by now... So u r a very stong woman. Its ok to vent when u need to. I just hope it gets better 4 u.
  • edited August 2011
    thanks. all my friends that i have had (you know you have a friend for a couple years, they move, lose touch, and find a new one or two type deal) say I give him WAY too much leniency. my mom was such a horrible nag (is!) so i dont want to be her. thats my worst fear. but you know, if dry wall is sitting in the living room going on 3 months now i am ready to throw it through the window.... no really! haha.
  • id kick his ass.. seriously.. no.. jk i wouldnt .. but i would tell him to watch the kids and be gone all day.. let his ass deal with it.. go see your mom.. or family or friends.. if he calles just keep telling him you have one more thing to do.. lol.. its easy for men to take us shams for granted.. my man doesnt do much house work.. but if i ask him to do something he does.. he plays with our kids like he should.. and he wasnt always like that.. but he also works and i know he would take any job he had to to support us.. im sorry your man is such a cluless one.. i had to leave mine for him to get it through his head i was seriouse .. and sleeping till noon.. ohhhhh hellllll noooooooo! id be doing every anoying thing i could.. from telling the kids to go play next to the door after leaving it open.. lol.. vacuming the hall and br while hes in it.. yelling singing.. listening to music loudly.. anything to annoy his ass up.. the early bird gets the worm .. hince why he hasnt gotten any worms for a year now.. sorry your going through this.. i would say you need to let him know how seriouse you are about needing his help.. and if he not working he should be doing just as much work as you are..
  • Wow. That's horrible. I'm sorry. He's the man and supposed to support no matter what. Get a job at fast food. It's money either way.
  • @lae3 i have never in my life seen someone sleep the way he does. i could literally be vacuuming ON the bed and it wouldn't wake him up. I leave the door open passed 9a because i don't care of he hears whatever is going on. it's a small house so even if i was upstairs he would be able to hear me. he sleeps through ANYthing. then to add to the problems his doctor prescribed him ambien to help regulate his sleep schedule. it doesn't help. he can take the ambien at 8,9,10, 11p and it still wouldn't help. it's so frustrating. i am a light sleeper (i have to be, i wake up with the kids and listen for them and all that) so i wake up when he comes in to bed, watching tv, heck goes to the bathroom i can wake up! Thanks for the sympathy- and trust me i have wanted to kick his ass for being so lazy. he was this way when i married him, but didn't know it. we didn't live together, i was 19 and he was about to turn 21 and we just got married and were expecting our first baby. i kick myself for not requiring him to do more before we moved in, or at least when we moved in with each other.
  • its never too late girl.. you dont have to be the nagging beotch.. cause my mom was also and still is naggy and i never want to sound like her.. but hey if hes gonna be up late he may as well do something while hes up.. lol.. give him chores he can do while your sleeping.. lol.. mabey then he will get tired.. argh..
  • I love the idea @lae3! I think I will make him do that. lol.
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