BD's not gonna like this...
Btw, I apologize for how long this is...
He went camping today for a friend's bachelor party. He was staying the night some hour and a half away, then driving straight to work in the morning. I've been super stressed all day. We have had nights apart, like while I'm visiting family, but it feels way worse during pregnancy... I'm so clingy! And also because I'm home alone. Haven't had that happen yet.
Anyway, we were fighting this morning. The kind where my blood starts pumping and I'm begging him to get away from me or let me get away from him so I can calm down, which he never wants to do. He feels like smothering me with love, when I just need to relax and breathe. So that makes it worse, all the while, I freak out even more, and then slapping and kicking him off the bed ensues...
We finally calmed down, and talked. About an hour before he had to meet everyone, we started the make up sex. Then he had to shower and leave and it was all very rushed with goodbyes and stuff.
So all day, I was basically begging people to hang out with me. Anything. Just SOMETHING! That went nowhere. I was trying to ask my sister if I could spend the night so I wouldn't be alone, but she didn't answer her phone, like always. People suck sometimes. Having no friends is horrible, and I really feel it on days like this. Most of my days are spent sitting at home alone until BD gets home from work at night. Then when he gets home, I'm exhausted just a couple hours later and need to go to sleep.
Oh yes, the sleeping situation...
So I have been sleeping on the couch downstairs for about the last month. It all started with having trouble sleeping on our uncomfortable bed. Then we got an ant problem. They started by coming in through the walls. Eventually we found another spot they were coming in at on another wall. They were all over our room. Then ants started showing up on our bed. And having them crawl on me while laying in bed was the breaking point. This girl can only have so many panic attacks in one week before something's gotta change.
(I have a history of issues with ants, plus the traps that we have are really poisonous... I was really ridiculously freaking out, and it was happening frequently.)
But, that was just the breaking point. So many other little things were making me crazy. The ants were the icing on the cake... that crappy icing they put on premade cakes at the store unless you specifically ask for butter cream. Yeah, that icing. I digress...
So it came to the point of me sleeping on the couch. In the last month, I've probably slept upstairs with BD maybe 3 or 4 times, maximum. He really hates it. So do I...
In the last few days, I've slept up there with him twice. My brain had finally calmed down, I haven't been twitching as much at the sight of quick movement or any black spots, or rubbing my skin profusely if I feel something tickle me or make me itch. Since BD set up traps around the ant entrances to the room, things have slowly improved. It took me awhile to see that. And absolutely no food is to be upstairs. Not even water. Cus apparently, they loooooove water (flashback to me about the take a sip from my water bottle and BAM, I notice they were crawling on the lip).
And just in case anyone asks, we actually had a fight over me wanting to have a terminator come in for the huge ant problem (they're everywhere in the house, basically. Especially downstairs. Our bedroom was something new). I wanted him to call our landlord and let her know the situation and see what she thought should be done. I really wanted it taken care of before the baby gets here. I don't want freaking ants crawling all over him! He just thought I was being silly. Well she finally called back the next day and said "Oh, yeah, just leave traps. We had a terminator come in years ago for the ant problem but they just came back." No shit they just came back, you're supposed to have the terminator come back every couple of months for maintainance. Smdh. Needless to say, I lost that fight.
So a little while ago this evening, I decided I wanted to sleep upstairs. I feel safer. I was laying down and browsing on my phone, soon to be asleep, when BD calls. He says he's on his way home early, and tells me a little of how camping went. Apparently his non drinking friend got... well, super drunk. Which I would have enjoyed seeing. He's a youth pastor. :P And apparently the other guys forgot to bring the poles for the tent, so they're sleeping on a sheet of tarp. Sounds like an awesome good time. Lol. He sounded a little relieved to be coming home, as he has to work. I was relieved because I would soon be cuddling up to my boo bear.
But oh wait, cut to me a few minutes later on my phone on Pregly and a huge ant crawls across the screen. Phone gets thrown to the floor. Expletive, expletive, expletive. I go turn on the light, get the chills, wipe off my phone, and go back downstairs.
This will never end. Ahhhhhhhhggggggg I never want to see another ant in my entire life! I feel like I've said that a million times in the last 9 months.
Needless to say, we're going to get in another disagreement about me not wanting to sleep upstairs again when he gets home shortly. Just like every single night. I feel bad cus he probably feels like he was getting somewhere with me finally, and I even thought so too. It hurts not being able to feel comfortable sleeping up there. But along with the uncomfortable, tiny, full-sized bed, and his horrible sleep habits and online gaming while I'm trying to sleep, and him rolling on top of me in the middle of the night, and the extra stress of him complaining about things before he falls asleep, I just can't sleep up there anymore. Even without the ants, I couldn't sleep at all at night before. It was basically me waiting for him to wake up every morning to go to work so I could finally have room on the bed to sleep.
I don't know how to fix things. I don't know how to get my anxiety under control after being off my mess (I've dealt with depression most of my 21 years, but in the last couple of years, it's been different and way harder to handle). I feel like I'm not in control of anything anymore, and it's eating me up inside. This whole sleeping apart thing is picking at our relationship. But baby and I need some sleep. Desperate. So desperate.
Ugh, I think he's pulling up now. Here goes........ =/
He was tired, and not very happy. I feel really crappy about this...
And I don't know what this post is for, mainly to just get things off of my chest and hope someone offers something helpful. But this is definitely not for anyone to tell me to suck it up about the ants. Not helpful at all.
Thanks. And happy Saturday, everyone.
He went camping today for a friend's bachelor party. He was staying the night some hour and a half away, then driving straight to work in the morning. I've been super stressed all day. We have had nights apart, like while I'm visiting family, but it feels way worse during pregnancy... I'm so clingy! And also because I'm home alone. Haven't had that happen yet.
Anyway, we were fighting this morning. The kind where my blood starts pumping and I'm begging him to get away from me or let me get away from him so I can calm down, which he never wants to do. He feels like smothering me with love, when I just need to relax and breathe. So that makes it worse, all the while, I freak out even more, and then slapping and kicking him off the bed ensues...
We finally calmed down, and talked. About an hour before he had to meet everyone, we started the make up sex. Then he had to shower and leave and it was all very rushed with goodbyes and stuff.
So all day, I was basically begging people to hang out with me. Anything. Just SOMETHING! That went nowhere. I was trying to ask my sister if I could spend the night so I wouldn't be alone, but she didn't answer her phone, like always. People suck sometimes. Having no friends is horrible, and I really feel it on days like this. Most of my days are spent sitting at home alone until BD gets home from work at night. Then when he gets home, I'm exhausted just a couple hours later and need to go to sleep.
Oh yes, the sleeping situation...
So I have been sleeping on the couch downstairs for about the last month. It all started with having trouble sleeping on our uncomfortable bed. Then we got an ant problem. They started by coming in through the walls. Eventually we found another spot they were coming in at on another wall. They were all over our room. Then ants started showing up on our bed. And having them crawl on me while laying in bed was the breaking point. This girl can only have so many panic attacks in one week before something's gotta change.
(I have a history of issues with ants, plus the traps that we have are really poisonous... I was really ridiculously freaking out, and it was happening frequently.)
But, that was just the breaking point. So many other little things were making me crazy. The ants were the icing on the cake... that crappy icing they put on premade cakes at the store unless you specifically ask for butter cream. Yeah, that icing. I digress...
So it came to the point of me sleeping on the couch. In the last month, I've probably slept upstairs with BD maybe 3 or 4 times, maximum. He really hates it. So do I...
In the last few days, I've slept up there with him twice. My brain had finally calmed down, I haven't been twitching as much at the sight of quick movement or any black spots, or rubbing my skin profusely if I feel something tickle me or make me itch. Since BD set up traps around the ant entrances to the room, things have slowly improved. It took me awhile to see that. And absolutely no food is to be upstairs. Not even water. Cus apparently, they loooooove water (flashback to me about the take a sip from my water bottle and BAM, I notice they were crawling on the lip).
And just in case anyone asks, we actually had a fight over me wanting to have a terminator come in for the huge ant problem (they're everywhere in the house, basically. Especially downstairs. Our bedroom was something new). I wanted him to call our landlord and let her know the situation and see what she thought should be done. I really wanted it taken care of before the baby gets here. I don't want freaking ants crawling all over him! He just thought I was being silly. Well she finally called back the next day and said "Oh, yeah, just leave traps. We had a terminator come in years ago for the ant problem but they just came back." No shit they just came back, you're supposed to have the terminator come back every couple of months for maintainance. Smdh. Needless to say, I lost that fight.
So a little while ago this evening, I decided I wanted to sleep upstairs. I feel safer. I was laying down and browsing on my phone, soon to be asleep, when BD calls. He says he's on his way home early, and tells me a little of how camping went. Apparently his non drinking friend got... well, super drunk. Which I would have enjoyed seeing. He's a youth pastor. :P And apparently the other guys forgot to bring the poles for the tent, so they're sleeping on a sheet of tarp. Sounds like an awesome good time. Lol. He sounded a little relieved to be coming home, as he has to work. I was relieved because I would soon be cuddling up to my boo bear.
But oh wait, cut to me a few minutes later on my phone on Pregly and a huge ant crawls across the screen. Phone gets thrown to the floor. Expletive, expletive, expletive. I go turn on the light, get the chills, wipe off my phone, and go back downstairs.
This will never end. Ahhhhhhhhggggggg I never want to see another ant in my entire life! I feel like I've said that a million times in the last 9 months.
Needless to say, we're going to get in another disagreement about me not wanting to sleep upstairs again when he gets home shortly. Just like every single night. I feel bad cus he probably feels like he was getting somewhere with me finally, and I even thought so too. It hurts not being able to feel comfortable sleeping up there. But along with the uncomfortable, tiny, full-sized bed, and his horrible sleep habits and online gaming while I'm trying to sleep, and him rolling on top of me in the middle of the night, and the extra stress of him complaining about things before he falls asleep, I just can't sleep up there anymore. Even without the ants, I couldn't sleep at all at night before. It was basically me waiting for him to wake up every morning to go to work so I could finally have room on the bed to sleep.
I don't know how to fix things. I don't know how to get my anxiety under control after being off my mess (I've dealt with depression most of my 21 years, but in the last couple of years, it's been different and way harder to handle). I feel like I'm not in control of anything anymore, and it's eating me up inside. This whole sleeping apart thing is picking at our relationship. But baby and I need some sleep. Desperate. So desperate.
Ugh, I think he's pulling up now. Here goes........ =/
He was tired, and not very happy. I feel really crappy about this...
And I don't know what this post is for, mainly to just get things off of my chest and hope someone offers something helpful. But this is definitely not for anyone to tell me to suck it up about the ants. Not helpful at all.
Thanks. And happy Saturday, everyone.
Comments
@bentleysmommmy We can't afford it on our own. Landlord would be paying for it. But seeing as how it's not that big of a deal to anyone but me...
BD keeps saying he'll get us a bigger bed so I can sleep upstairs, but I keep telling him not to, and if one magically shows up at our door one day, I'm never sleeping upstairs again. We're currently negative on our monthly budget and trying to cut corners anywhere we can find them. =/
Thanks ladies. It can't go on like this forever...
When he got home a bit ago he said he was sorry that it happened and that he'd clean tomorrow. I doubt he will though. He's always in a cruddy, cranky, tired mood when he gets home from work.
I've worked super hard to keep the pantry free of anything unsealed. Our roommate always leaves his stuff open. So I... throw it away. Bwahahaha. Shhh, don't tell. They only crawl up to the top shelf now. Everything is closed up there so I'm gonna have to climb on something and take a look to see what they're going after.
Ahhh freaking ants.
I love you. Period.
Gonna forward to BD too.
In WA btw.
Oh, hey, so apparently I can't win. I just had a spider crawl on me a little bit ago. I really hope I got rid of it....
Amazingly, we rarely have spiders in the house. Which is so nice. We had HUGE ones at our last place that would crawl across the floor every 5 seconds...
Not even gonna bother changing it... lol.
Normally we don't kill them. There was just no way I could get a cup on it.
I haven't checked out that wall of the house. It's all super tall grass and weeds. There's a huge crack in the wall in the living room, which makes me think the foundation is cracked, and BD's stepmom thinks the wood is rotted out. Makes complete sense.... I mean, come on. I really hate that our landlord won't do anything about it. That, and they knew they had a previous problem and never told us. It gets complicated beyond that, though. The landlords also happen to be our roommate's parents.
I hate living here. I want a job, and I want BD to finally get a better paying job where he'll get treated better, and I want to MOVE.
Plus, baby should have his own room. Lol.
They're currently taking out a bunch of loans to finish renovating our side and next door (it's a duplex). It's really pretty, with the work they've done... but, at the same time, I still see it as a shit hole that never got finished (we've been here since last September and they JUST had someone come in and do the plumbing for the downstairs bathroom and got the dishwasher installed in June). And everything is covered in ants.