Unsupportive father

bhill

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 1/2 years now. We found out in January that we were pregnant (it was not so much of an accident). His Mom is sick and she has been on us for a grandbaby so we stopped doing everything to prevent it and said if it happens, it happens. At first, he was great. He would talk to me about everything, say what he was thinking and feeling and I was just really happy. Then he went MIA for a few months. He wouldn't talk to me or anything. I expressed my frustration to his Mom and she said that his Dad did the same thing to her when she was pregnant but he eventually came to terms with his feelings and was there for her. So I gave him some space and when we went to the ultrasound and we found out it's a baby boy that turned everything around again. That was in May and it is now August. He has been around and back in my life. Yes, we've always fought and had a unique relationship but it has worked for us this long. Well, now that I'm 33 weeks pregnant he is back to being unsupportive. I need help with things and I would love to have him around and help but he doesn't. He won't even rub my feet for me anymore. I've warned him that if this is how he is going to treat his family that I will take me, our son, and our dog and move across the country with my Mom because without him here helping me I just don't know that I can do it. I have NO idea what to do. I've tried talking to him, giving him space, talking to his Mom, letting him know what will happen if he continues this way and he just does not seem to care. It makes me feel horrible for bringing a baby into such a bad situation, but it wasn't this way at all when we decided to just go with it. I'm so mad/upset/frustrated and I'm tired of crying all the time because he is hurting me on a whole new level now that it has to do with my baby. I'm lost and alone.

Mrs4c

I'm sorry this is happening. it sounds like maybe he's scared! I'm 33 weeks as well and my husband is starting to get scared. He's been talking to me about it though so I haven't noticed much change in his behavior.

bhill

Thank you! I would understand if he was scared. I'm scared. But leaving me to deal with everything alone is not okay. He hasn't even heard our sons heartbeat since I was 18 weeks because he always finds a reason not to go to the dr appointments. It just really breaks my heart that my child is going to have a father like this because I have an amazing Dad that I still need for a lot of things and I will continue to need for a very long time. I always said I would never try to take him away from his Dad, but I just don't think it's fair that I have done EVERYTHING to prepare for him while he's doing who knows what because he doesn't even stay at our apartment anymore. I just can't believe I have never seen this side of him before. I've known him for about 8 years now and I just cannot believe this is him acting like this. He is an entirely different person now.

bigtalkingtori

Sigh. I'm in a situation kind of similar to this. It's not that he's incredibly uninvolved, it's that he doesn't seem to care about my feelings. This last week has been really awful. My mom is trying to scrounge up some money so I can go visit. Maybe he'll have a wake up call. That's not what the point is, though. The point is me needing to get away from the stress and arguments. Now that I'm 25 weeks, I think it's been putting me through BH. Not sure though. But no pain is better...

If you can test out what he is like when the baby gets there, I would recommend it. But you're right, and I fully know the feeling of having to pack up and go. You never know, he may turn around and be there not only for the little one, but make up for lost time with you, too.

I wish you so much luck in finding the right answer!

Mieshasmith35

My boyfriend was behaving the exact same way. We planned to have a little one, he was supportive, then he wasn't, he even called off our engagement... He was always angry with me, I would cry every night and it just seemed as if he didn't care. we don't live together which makes things even more difficult. come to find out he was just nervous about the baby being so close, he wondered if he could handle the responsibility of a child. His sister must have gave him a little wake up call cuz agree she talked to him, he's gotten ALOT better :-)

adri805

I think our men r scared n nervous. Mine has been acting up here n there. Sometimes more, way more then other times. Right now we r doing real.good...but I'm.afraid that it'll go back to.before. I hate that feeling...n e ways its his first child my second. He's about 2 yrs younger. I'm going on 35 weeks on Monday. It's not an excuse for them.to act like dip shits but I believe that some of.it does.have to.to with them maybe starting to panic bc this little person is going to depend on them. Like the saying goes. W e r mothers right wn we get preg/or find out, they become fathers wn the baby is born. Something like that....hang in there!

adri805

Ours was also planned

mandac10

I think he's scared aswell. Us women tend to forget that the babies are half our bf husbands whatever... they get scared n worry too. Were not the only ones that.go through this. Like my husband had been short lately n come to find out its because he feels he's not supporting is enough money wise. Makes him feel like a failure. Btw he's doing fine he just wants the best but doesn't understand we can't afford that all the time. Bit im sure things will change for u. After my hubby admitted what was bugging him things got way better

adri805

Def.agree with @mandac10

thekellikelli

Now this is just my story when I was 17 I got pregnant with my 3yr old and her dad was great for the first 3 months but after we graduated high school I didn't hear a peep from him untill she was 6 months old now they have a great relationship but I will never 4give him for what he did to me we have talked about and he says he was scared well men neglect to realize that us women are scared to we can't just take off don't push him it will just push him away maybe his father can make him realize that this is somthin he doesn't want to miss it changes when they see that baby for the first time hopefully its not 6 months later I wish you the best of luck and hope it turns out better than mine did