HELP!!! please...

krystal_ann

okay so I have a friend & I trust him very much & his opnions always are what's best for me or in this case my son now I asked him about my situation with struggling to get stuff for my son before he gets here & with everything that's going on with my sons father & how I'm gunna keep supporting my son as he grows... he says for me to be real about the situation & that even though I love my son I really can't afford to support him with no job,no money & very little help I told him that I have already decided to keep him & he said that he feels that that's not what's best for my son he feels that he would be safer & more secure with an adoptive family so I explained to him about the family I had choosen when I first though adoption was my only option he asked me about the couple & I told him they were very nice & I like them very much so then he asked if I trusted them to be good parents to my son & raise him right I said yess I do & he said okay then why would you keep him when you can't give him what they can I said because I love him & he's all I have & I just know he would wanna be with me no matter what he said krystal I love you but those are selfish reasons you can't afford him & if you keep him & some one calls cps cause your struggling really hard he could end up with crazy ppl at least this way you choose them yourself... I know he's right but what should I do I mean I want my son & love him with all my heart but I really can't afford to give him everything he deserves & this couple can... advice please!

blueberrysmom

It sounds like you really want to keep him. If you do then I pray you are able to find a way to make it work. Apply for assistance, get a second job, do everything you can to make a life for you and your baby. Good luck, hun. Stay strong and make a choice you can feel good about!

jcbowker

Adoption is always a great option. You have to make that decision though.

emy

Ppl take care of there kids everyday. Kids don't need to b spoiled they just need their basic needs met for the first few years. If u want ur baby than do wat it takes to keep ur baby. If u don't think u can then give ur baby to someone that will.

SalasMommy

There is lots of help that is for sure if you really are serious about not giving ur son away for adoption. You will find a way he is only one it is not like you have two or three kids:( I know that he will motivate you soo much. And I don'tthink u r being selfish I think that everyone is takibg you feel like you can't do this and it is easier to just five him away. Yeah there are great people that want a baby. And that is ok. It is clearly up to you I personally could never give my child for adoption. I would be crushed

cheryl74

Hunny, if every woman waited til they could afford a baby then the world would stop. I'm not sure about benifits and so on in America but I'm guessing there's help there. When I fell pregnant with this baby I was earning about 2500$ a month and hast own house. I lost my job and have now lost my house and am in a rented property. Hell, I have no money, a 15 and 11 year old and am 33 weeks pregnant. I can't afford this baby but I know ill manage cause I can give her love and my time. You have to do what's right for you both so I'm not.judging but honestly, never wait til you can afford a baby cause that time never comes. Good luck x x

momof22be

I think u have already made your decision and there is help out there your baby won't go hungry or clotheless or anything less just look for the help they can even help you get a good job and child-care u can be a great parent and even if your son won't have everything under the sun he will have all he needs with your love now I do believe in adoption as well and so what if its selfish that u want your son if u want him u can make it work for him and you and that's not selfish it would be if u had him and did nothing to make it work

ArmyMommy

Sounds like you are in a really tight spot. My prayers are definitely with you sweetie.

momof22be

And I agree with the statements above I told my sister the same thing if u wait till u can "afford" a baby then u will never have one I grew up very poor and I love my life yes at times it was hard but I survived and I believe I'm better for it

Tinknbob

I would way out all your options first. There is a lot of places that will help you with stuff for your son. I don't know what state you live in, but there are places that if you go to classes or something along those lines they will help you with stuff for your son. Do you have a place to live? As long as you have a place to live and get help you need you can provide for your son. It does take time, but please look into everything before you make a decision because you don't want to make the wrong decision and later on think that maybe you could have done it. See what all is out there first and way out both options first. Good luck.

momof22be

And I understand what your friend is saying and he is just trying to do whats easiest and what he believes is best for you and your son but he will never understand the bond that a mother and child has not to say men have any less of a bond with their children but mothers are mothers what else can u say

starrxoxo9

You are NOT being selfish!! If you're having doubts and you give him up, you will totally regret it and it will be too late. Don't listen to anyone else. Trust your gut, and trust the motherly instinct you already have. Like @emy said you only need the basics, and if you can breastfeed, that's free food for your baby. Good luck, and dont let anyone make this decision for you!!

vtmamajuju

My own 2 cents: your friend obviously knows you very well and cares about you. Don't take what he says lightly. When deciding what to do, try to take your own wants out of it and think about what would be best for the baby. Where would the baby grow up the best?

krystal_ann

I do I really do wanna keep him but with no edcuation or money for school I can't get a job I've tried & everybody wants at least a GED its so hard... & also your wrong when you say he won't need a lot cause he will newborns go through diapers like crazy what happens when all those diapers are gone who's gunna buy him more? & what happens when he out grows his newborn clothes who's gunna buy him more? Cause I can't afford any of that & god this sux so f*cking much cause I wanna be his mommy & I wanna be the first person he sees when he's born & the first finger he wraps his tiny little hand around & I wanna feed him & change him & burp him I wanna do all that sooooo freeking bad but nobody believes in me & the 1 person I was fersure would always believe in me & be here for me is gone he left because he's not ready & his sexuality is more important then me & our son & because a bunch of other reasons that are bulls*it! I need HELP... I need him... I need my son )':

kcike812

I know I might get blasted for this but I agree with your friend. After reading your previous post about not having rides to wic, not even having $50, minimum support, no job, depression, no father figure for your child, etc. The responsible decision that I would make would be to give your baby for adoption. Adoption is a wonderful option that can give your son everything he needs. Consider an open adoption that way you can still connect with him. I understand that it would probably be the hardest decision ever but it is a good one.
That is just how I feel and ultimately the decision would be yours. Keeping your son wouldn't be easy but I do agree to some extent with the others that it isn't impossible.
Have you considered talking to a counselor or telling your doctor your concerns. I'm also concerned about your well being. Please talk to your doctor at your next appt about your depression.
I wish you the best of luck with your decision.

[Deleted User]

What about open adoption? I can't lie you have posted a lot the last few days about depression and not having help. I'm sure you would be fine but like I told my friend when she was thinking about putting her son up for adoption at 5. Its not something you can do to a 4 yearold ifyou realize later.

That being said there are lots of organizations out there that could help you. You just need to motivation and determination to jump through their hoops. Good luck on what ever you decide.

krystal_ann

& as for a place to live I have a temporary place yess but only till my sons born then im s.o.l ):

cheryl74

Does America not have any benifit system?

krystal_ann

@cheryl74 what's a benifit system?

krystal_ann

& @10 open adoption is not an option for me I could nvr be okay watching my son call someone else mommy or come visit & have to leave him behind I just couldn't do it I'm not strong enough for that ):

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

[Deleted User]

You put in your post above that you need you bd. Once you have a baby its all about them you posted you are too depressed to eat which is even bad for the baby ikn the womb. You need help. Your not going to get it from bd. So you need to get it from the state or family. But its hard work to get state assistance. You have to be able to get out of bed.

Also you can cloth diaper. My mom was poor and that's what we did. Babies aren't too edxpensivem cloth diapers and breastfeeding keeeps them covered. But its a lot of work.

laura536

I've read your previous posts too and I also agree with your friend. You need to sit down and take emotions out of it and make a pros and cons list. Make a list of exactly what it costs to raise a baby and where that money is coming from. You need to REALLY think about things, like diapers and clothes and a place to live, do you have those things without relying on someone else? Can you get child support from the father? And can you survive if he doesn't pay?

There is a lot more to consider than how much you want to keep him. I don't think the majority of people who give their child up for adoption do it lightly or really want to do it, but sometimes, it really is the best decision. And I'm not saying flat out "no you can't keep him" but you can't choose it based on emotions. You have to look at the reality of how things are.

If you have already chosen an adoption agency, do they offer support or counseling for you during the process? Have you spoken to someone at Job and Family Services about what kind of help you will be able to receive and what kind of money you'll still need to come up with outside of your assistance? These are the kinds of things you need to be focusing on, so no matter what you choose, you'll know you made the best decision.

kcike812

I agree with @addi3886 use the VIA to get to places. If you seriously want to keep him then you need to apply yourself and get on the ball. Sorry if that seems harsh. So where are you planning on living after the baby is born if your housing is temporary right now?

vayanna

Between me n bd we got 5 kids 11,10,9,2, and one that will be here in less than a month maybe even two weeks....... We get all together 1500 a month now we pay 200 for phone sometimes more we pay damn near 300 for electric and and 700 for rent supposed to be 5 but we are behind a bit now we have 3 left over for the whole month now I'm going to be gettin another 4 once the baby born state assistance but I am going to school to...... And we get 450 in food stamps and I tell you one thing that barely makes it but we manage and as you see we can barely afford the ones we got but ee make away when it was just me and my daughter before bd before my pregnancy I was the most broke person in the world barely getting a thousand a month but I made due and I never thought about giving her up I didn't care what people called me I was told I was selfish to all the time but I have them the middle finger and stayed away from them I figured u want to bring us down then u Dnt need to be around we made it and once u see your precious baby u will get that feeling that little voice will say we gonna be all right and truth of matter is u might struggle yes but its worth it u will do what ever it takes to provide for your child no worries mama......

vayanna

you just need to het on the ball call people you have a welfare office or a place where state benefits come from go there and see what you qualify for a woman pregnant and single u should qualify for most benefits

krystal_ann

@kcike812 its true I'm going through a lot right now & adoption seems best for him but idk if its the right thing or not my mom,dad & brothers & most of my friends tell me I'm stupid & to keep him & his dad & his dads family says for me to give him to his dads aunt to adopt but I feel like both sides dnt understand the struggle it will be for me either way if I keep him I can live with my mom but it will be a struggle to get him what he needs even with all the resources I can use & if I give him to his dads aunt my family will disown me & so will my friends most of them anyway so not only will I alone ill be homeless,broke & trying to recover from labor (if I give him to his dads aunt) & if I dnt ill be living at home sleeping on a couch,struggling to buy diapers & clothes & anything else my son needs ill be begging for rides to his appts. & my own ill have to fight with everybody about his crying & there yelling either way its gunna suck for me but it dsnt have to suck for him & I dnt want it to I want him to be happy & safe & have evrything he needs

vayanna

ssign up for housing even go to a shelter after the baby born that way you have some where to stay and try to find premanate housing also the shelter should be able to help u to especially if u have a woman's shelter where u are

krystal_ann

I applied for housing 4 months ago & havnt heard a thing since...

[Deleted User]

Ok so you won't be homless you will live with your mom?

[Deleted User]

You won't hear from them. You have to call the office go to the office constantly check the status. That's what the ladies are trying to say. That there are resources out there to help you but you have to work hard and be determined to get them