fiancee is thinking of joining the service military wife help please...

shimattsbaby

My fiancee and I have been together for 4 and a half years im 22 hes 23 we got engaged this past christmas but the next month we found out we were expecting so we decided to wait till after the baby to get married. Well ever since his friend came down from where ever he was stationed he has really been thinking about joining the service (im not too sure which branch) we talked about it a little and i told him once we get married i will go with him were ever he is stationed at no questions asked but i am scared oh and his mom has been telling him he should join but idk if she realizes that me and the baby will be going to so she wont see the baby as much. What im worried about is how long will we be away from each other im assuming when his in training i wont be able to be with him and idk if i could do that. Idk if i can be away from my family my sister and my niece shes looks to me as her second mom even tho shes only 2. Also is there any benefit in being married before he joins I know a lot of high school friends who got married after their hubbys joined the service and they had to wait to be with them but does being married already help any? I know being a military wife is really hard and i have so much respect for them but idk if i can do it im scared and nervous that he will actually want to join.

lilbit01_209

It is something to not take lightly... make sure you seriously discuss it. I met my hubby in the military and we were seperated for 2 1/2 years... He met our daughter when she was 5 months came home when she was 8m deploed when she was 15m and came hone again when she was 2 1/2 years. Out first wedding anniversary together was actually our 3rd. Military is very 'financially' stable but can hardly be called living stable. Especially being a lower rank. Its worth it, if you can handle the pressures of the life.

gladiator007

Wow. Big decisions. Not sure which branch he is thinking about joining but do you guys fear he might get deployed to areas that might very dangerous? I don't know if the military will allow for family to move w/ him to that area. Best of luck.

KrazymomofAdrian

i had a similar post about this. My hubby decided not to join, but you nerd tio think about this 100% and bd's sure this is what you want. Its a big decision have a big talk about it. What is the reason he wants to join

shimattsbaby

@lilbit01_209 see thats the thing idk if he understands how much he isnt going to be around and i dont want that i want him there for every birthday, christmas and thanksgiving. I think hes really considering it because of the money but ive tried explaining to him some military families still struggle. We are going to have a really long talk about it before we decided to make any decisions.

@gladiator007 it feels like a hug decision that can really affect our lives and I know hes mentioned which branch but i can not remember either way i know we will be away from each other for some time.

mandac10

Just a heads up all branches are getting strict on recruiting and on top of that thy are getting rid of soldiers left n right for next to no reasons. The military is really falling apart at this time. Its all over our newspapers and what not. Right now is not the time to joon if he can even join. But if he can and all works out welcome abord! Ull meet wonderful people and see amazing places. But u don't get nearly as much money aa u think and a lot of empty promises. Really u both should go to school. It's a smarter and more secure route. I've been seeing people with 10 yrs+ getting pushed out for nothing. And the war is getting more n more deadly u just don't hear about it on the news so much. As we speak my husband is doing a funeral. He was about 2 a week. His next one is Friday I think. It'd not as easy as it looks.

shimattsbaby

#krazymomofadrian I just read your post and got some good information if you dont mind me asking why did yall decided not to go with it but i really think he wants to join for the financial stability as long as we've been together hes always wanted to be a police officer but once this friend came down (I did forget to mention he only came down to get a divorce from his wife) hes been thinking about it but as i read @mandac10 comment it sounds like its not a good time to join right now.

@mandac10 thanks for being honest I want to know the good the bad and the ugly to joining the service so we know what we are getting into. I dont want to feel like im talking him out of joining i just want us both to clearly understand how our lives will be for the next 4 or + years.

mandac10

I've been living in hawaii for over a year
About 5 months of living in base housing we were threatened with a five day eviction notice because we wernt getting bah. Also we are not receiving our cola pay and living offa less then minimum wage. Still waiting on paper work. Its hard n a huge struggle somehow my family keeps falling through the cracks. Its not like this for everyone but when it is its extremely hard to fix. What amazes me is it's just a few signitures that's causing my family so many problems. An easy fix but over a year later it has yet to be taken care of. We just almost lost our suv because finance messed up our allotments for our payment. If I didn't gave the mom I have our vehicle would've gotten reposested. Today has been very stressful for this army wife!

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shimattsbaby

@mandac10 see i hear your story then i have a friend who is life living a great militrary life then i see my cousin who only sees her husband every other week then theres the friends who are still here in town while there hubbys are gone and i dont know what to think which one will be me....

shimattsbaby

@mama0811 thanks i know we have alot to think about i think its almost everyone i know who is in the service is gone for a really long time so i guess thats what im going by.

usafwife_21

My hubby is the in Air Force and we're taken care of. Tricare is good insurance and the pay is steady. Boot camp was hard but I loved writing and recieving letters. For tech school he was almost gone a year, but he did avionics. He hasnt delpoyed yet but he will be gone for about 7 months when he does. He works 12 hour shifts every day and most weekends! Since your married, I think you should get family sep while he's in boot, but i'm not sure. Not sure about tech school either! But I do know that if he goes to tech school, you will be able to stay at an on base hotel when you visit lol

shimattsbaby

@usafwife_21 i know there are alot of great benefits to joining but im just scared and nervous but thanks for your story..

podgemarine

I would highly recommend air force if he does join. My husband is a marine..but I wish he was air force. I'm not gonna lie it is not always easy.. but they do offer a lot of benefits. If he does it get married before baby is born and before he leaves for boot .. that way u r immediately on orders to be stationed . Also they would pay for 100% of baby. Just depends on ur situation right now..question , what is ur situation right now ?

shimattsbaby

@podgemarine situation?? if you mean baby wise im 35weeks if we decided to go through with it will most likely be after baby is born and after we get married i want to be married before he signs anything. I think he was thinking either the marines or air force but im not too sure.

sands3

My husband is a marine. It can be hard being a military side, but also very rewarding. He is away right now on a 10-12 month deployment...which is long for marines. I'm very proud to be a marine wife!!

Jay_july1

My husband is in the air force and is away on deployment but I love being a military wife. yes you will miss your family but the wife community are very friendly and you will like it. I'm also in the military so I see both size but he missed our son birth and wont b home til hes atleast 6 months, out gets depressing but hes doing something good for our family and everyone in america.

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momma_tiffay

From my personal experience, my story is... In April 2009 my husband (who was my boyfriend at the time) & I had a pregnancy scare. I was 17, with a with an 11month old & he was 18 & adored my son. Seeing as I had a child & we had an oopsie, he wanted to be able to financially support all of us & give us all of the benefits imagineable. He's such a sweet man! I really could not bare the thought of him doing such a thing regardless of our situation, so we strayed from the topic & it turned out I wasn't pregnant so I was glad he didn't leave. 2Months later right before our Sr Graduation, he told me he had joined & would be leaving for Bootcamp sometime within the next few months after we graduated. I was devestated that he had done this behind my back, but I figure when you love someone hold them close & support their choices & be there for them through all. October 4th 2009, I found out I was actually pregnant & my husband was due to leave for Bootcamp October 28th! I was pregnant & terrified, but we knew that we would make it through it all. He left for Bootcamp just 7weeks into my pregnancy, the only thing he got to be a part of was my anatomy scan that I held off until he graduated bootcamp. Then he was gone for more training, until 36weeks when I delivered our son. He was home for just a short few weeks to meet his son, & left yet again to finish his training. FINALLY September 2010, almost 1yr after he had joined & began all of his training he was stationed to the base he's currently at & moved us all down here. To say the least, him joining the military has been very stressful at times, especially while he was away. I felt terrible that he had missed out on so much, but he was proud that he was doing great things for the family we created. I constantly worry about deployment, that's the most terrifying aspect. Yes, it does suck to be away from our families, but we make trips home whenever we can, & actually being away from you family helps you bond in ways unimaginable. We stay in touch regardless of the distance & we do as much as we can when we visit. Basically to sum it all up, it may be terrifying for you, but you have to consider why he wants to do it before knocking it down completely. Yes, it is tough, but I believe that every relationship has it's struggles. Luckily, these are things you can get through together. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, you may spend time apart, & yes it will suck, but you will be stronger in the end together. Atleast that is how I feel. I am proud to say that I am madly in love with a Marine who would do anything for his family.

caitiecakes

My husband is Navy. While on sea duty its tough because they are in and out...but now that he's on shore duty for three years he works an eight hour shift mon thru Friday and has weekends off. So right now I'm enjoying our time together. I went thru three deployment while he was on sea duty one six month, one eight month and one nine. Good luck on whatever y'all decide. I for one love the military life..veteran myself.

shimattsbaby

@momma_tiffay thanks for sharing your story I have no military background no one in my close immediate family is in the military, af or marines so him bringing this up out of no where was a huge eye opener i will back my man in anything he decides to do but thank you for your story it has brought a positive light on our situation.

@caitiecakes thanks your story sounds so positive and i would love for it to automatically be like that but i know thats not how it goes.

momma_tiffay

@shimattsbaby, no problem! Before my husband joined I had no Military background either... the only person I knew who was in the service was my grandfather & that was long before I was born so it had no affect on me. Atleast your significant other is talking with you about it before doing so, my husband pretty much went behind my back. But regardless, I support him & love him just the same. Hopefully everything works out for you!

shimattsbaby

@momma_tiffay yes I am very thankful he his at least wanting my opinion because the past few times he's just gone behind my back and has gotten a bike a playstation and a few other things lol but I know he knows this is a huge decision but thank you!

Damiens_Mommy

@shimattsbaby as a military brat, who was a military wife for a while i can give you two sides to the story.

from the military brat part, (and i'll be honest) i /hated/ it growing up... i hated the constant moving and losing friends constantly...but now that i look back on it as an adult, i wouldn't have wanted it any other way. i saw more of the world by age 10 then most people do in their entire lives.

the military wife part, well, you have to be a very strong woman to put up with it. depending on what field he goes into and what branch he could be gone a lot which could leave you in a strange place with a baby to raise all by your self... there are plusses though. you get to see the world and you n your family get to experience new places and make great friends (making friends with the other families in your hubby's units can sometimes last a life time) my hubby and i didn't work out, but i don't blame it on him being in the army... there was a lot wrong with our relationship before we ever got married.

anyway, that's my experience, i hope i could help some. :}

shimattsbaby

@Damiens_Mommy thank you for your story it really helps hearing different stories and situations.

misskristin

@shimattsbaby As an Air Force wife, I honestly think that if he is serious, your best option would be for both of you to sit down with a recruiter (of whichever branch he chooses) and discuss options and what it takes. The recruiter will be able to provide the most information to both of you. Good luck. Don't let the possibility of deployment and time apart being such a heavy factor as it will depend in which branch he is in and the job he chooses. My husband deployed twice within a year at our last base totaling 8 months. We are currently stati.oned in HI as part of a special duty assignment. He has gone tdy (like a temporary deployment) a few times, but is only gone for a week or so. However, it is not likely he will deploy during our 3 years here.
It really can be a great lifestyle, it just requires patience and flexibility. Good luck! If you would like to talk more about it, feel free to send me a message and I'll give you my email.

shimattsbaby

@misskristin I know the fear of him deploying is that ive never been in that type of situation and it does scare me but i will be strong for him and my lil one. We are going to talk about it first before we go to a recruiter so we can be prepared but thank you for your encouraging words i will keep you in mind if we decide to go through with it.