why does it bother me so much when bd....

mgrose

So some of u know my story some don't ...a SHORT recap for those who don't....hubby n I have been married almost 12 years, we separated for 4 months becuz of a misunderstanding , during that 4 months I ended up dating someone I had known for about 2 years(we used to work together and he was recently divorced) anyways he wasn't supposed to be able to have children well wham bam guess who's preggo! I end up moving in with this guy now to be known as bd and he lies about where he's@ all the time, says he's cleaning the house n is@ the bar! Wtf!? Not my kinda man! So time goes on n hubby fixes the issues we had...really just a misunderstanding and asks me to come home knowing im preggo by bd... I went home n all is amazing with hubby! We both learned alot during the separation! And know we absolutely need each other! But now I have this bd....he is constantly bugging...texts everyday numerous times, stops by, calls, ect. Always sayin he loves me and can't live without me blah blah blah! But then I hear about him out partying n drinking n wasting his money n hitting on my friends n its like every weekend! Why does this bug me so damn much! Since I left bd has lost his job n been on unemployment n insists on being a part of baby's life! Which is fine but he has to show responsibility! It it my preggo hormones or what ladies? I just wanna punch him!!

survivormommie3

i would be so happy that he didnt want to be a part of the babys life. one less complication when baby is born, don't have to worry about hubby getting jealous of bd coming around, visitations are avoided. are you in a state where the person you are married to automatically is deemed father since you are married? i would hope so in this case. i would move and change my number.

mgrose

I am in a state that does that and ive told bd that hubby offered to just care for baby as his own but bd insists on being around n I think its just to try n get me back which will never happen ugh!

Mylittleman2011

I'm also in state like that my daughter who is 5 well my story is very similar to yours any who my ex hubby at time was automatically put on birth certificate and the donor would have to prove to state that he was in fact her biological donor. Like you I was well should I care I tried for 2 years to be cordial to this thing considered a human being till he strangled me and told me how ge was going to take my daughter. She has no idea who he is and I pray she never does! I won't lie to her about it but now she has 2 daddies my awesome hubby and my ex who honestly loves her like his own. My ex never wanted kids till her. The donor sounds a lot like your BD difference is donor wanted drugs more then responsibility of being a parent it's so much easier this way now and less confusing. Btw it's your prego hormones I went thru same shit inbox me if u ever want someone who can fully understand--

mgrose

@Mylittleman2011 thank u!! At this point im so confused as to how to handle him, he insists on coming to doc visits, he will actually call doc to find out when they are if I don't tell him! Its almost easier to talk to him rather than to ignore him! I think he should be a part of his daughters life if he wants to be, BUT,I don't trust him enough to visit with her and if I supervised his visits he would love it cuz then he gets to spend time with me! Ugh!
@cupcake22 he lies to me about being@ the bar says he isn't but I have had friends send me pics that he is! He is trying to make it out that im jealous that he's out! Well ya I am, but not for the reason he thinks, im 35 weeks preggo n can't even grocery shop without being exhausted, hubby and I don't even go out to eat cuz we have been putting every extra dime towards baby's supplies and we r getting nice things for her rather than crap, so am I a lil jealous that he can go party n throw away money when hubby's been working 7 days a week to make sure baby has what she needs!!! But at the same time I wouldn't care if he didn't insist on being a part of her life! Idk im so confused! But thanks everyone for ur advice

Mylittleman2011

@mgrose ok straight tell your dr office not to give out your information it does not matter who is calling put something on your chart that says they can only talk to you! I would think that would be part of heppa the privacy act? Then I would slowly stop communicating with him just for the fact let's see how much he really wants this! Make it much harder for him to get a hold of you and let him know he continues and he will have to pay for paternity and then child support! I actually got a lawyer for my daughter and he was shit out of luck! I was ok at first him being a part of her life till he told me he would steal her from me and he would take my life he would make sure I never had any more kids! Nice huh talk about stressed!! It's only been recently that I let my daughter a little out of my site I.e playing in fenced back yard because I was always looking over my shoulder. The attorney told me because I was married and my hubby at time wanted to be her dad the donor would have to prove to court that he was her biological father. It doesn't sound like your BD wants to do this so start losing contact--he sounds as if partying is more important and if he can't help support f him! Girl I understand the whole but shouldn't my daughter know him??? That is only one you can make I still from time to time struggle but I know now I made the best desicion for her and I! You make for you and yours we have a lot of explaining to do ahead of us to our little ones. I pray they understand- sorry so long lol

nicoleok87

Wow that IS a situation! Ur stronger than me! Can u really blame hormones? How about an extremely abnormal situation??? I think u have every right to feel anyway u feel!!