Marriage?

_Kaykes

Not to offend anyone!

Why do people think just because I or anyone else is pregnant that they have to be married or get married? I understand the religious part of it but the world has changed. Not everyone believes in doin it just because a religious belief says so. I refuse to satisfy anyone else by saying "I do" just to get their approval so my child won't be called a bastard. No child should be called a bastard. If god didn't trust me he would have never have me my son. Get your hypocritical life together before you judge me damn it!

Ok vent over lol.

[Deleted User]

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pawgio

@_kaykes I agree I hate when people find out I'm pregnant and the first thing out of their mouth is, are you getting married? Uhm hell no I'm not going to get married and risk having a horrible divorce and being unhappy just because I'm pregnant! Smh at some people..

MommytoJulianW

You are so right. I would love to be married one day but not because I have a mans child.

_Kaykes

@lmelanson people do take it too far.

@pawgio thats why I refuse to marry until I am happy. I kno a couple of people I graduated with that married their pregnant girlfriend or married guys and are so unhappy.

ashes

I swear that's the 3rd thing people ask me (first two are when you due/boy or girl) and even at work, I serve at a restaurant, people look at my left hand SO blatantly! And I've had people to even have the nerve to ask if I'm with the baby's father. -_____- I feel like saying just because we aren't married doesn't mean we don't have a good relationship. (Aside from recent events )
We don't want to get married right now especially, to rush marriage AND have a new baby AND move into a new house is so overwhelming and stressful. Each of those on their own is stressful enough!

Plus, now I want to wait until my boy can walk with me down the aisle with the rings. Wouldn't that be too cute 8->

lae3

agreed.. some people just have strong beliefs.. my belief is that if you love some one and are commited than that valid.. i want to merry my man weve been together for 10 almost 11.. and still not married this is our third child.. honestly the first 5 years were crazy.. our oldest child was born before our 1yr mark.. he didnt want to grow up.. and well long story short.. i didnt want to get married than.. marriage is forever and it took me a while to want to marry my man.. but weve been through so much together.. i dont ever see myself without him.. we are married in my eyes.. weve lived together the whole time .. and as far as im concerned a 1 yr marriage is not more valid than my ten year realationship.. because of some leagal document.. i only want to get married really cause it would be nice to celebrate our love to eachother with our friends and family.. our boys would all look so handsome dressed up .. and well i want to look good in a dress so im gonna lose weight and well probably do a ceremony in a few years.. when we can save for it.. cause lets face it.. not everyone has family that takes care of them.. or pays for wedding stuff.. i totaly feel you on your point.. and i actually did a simular post when i first came on. alot of people were like.. if your haveing a baby.. then you should be getting married.. uh.. well not all of us want to or are in the position to do so.. and like i said with the divorce rate so high.. its just a paper anyways

_Kaykes

@ashes I've had that happen a lot. My bf bought me a promise ring and I wear it and its funny that no one asks anymore.


@lae3 I totally agree with you.

pawgio

Exactly I've seen so many of my friends jump into marriage just a year after we graduate with their bd and they struggle so much. If you're having a baby with someone you're kinda stuck with them around forever so it really wouldn't kill you to wait a few years before just getting married -_-

_Kaykes

Exactly lol

beaded_bunny

We only got married for the taxes lol.

_Kaykes

Lmao @beaded_bunny

jay_brad

I agree with you 100% you should not get married just cause you have a baby. The thought is ridiculous .. you get married if you LOVE EACH OTHER. Otherwise you're just going to put your child threw divorce. Cause lets face it if you're not meant to be then you are just not.

jay_brad

@beaded_bunny I need to so my car insurance will go down. Lmao.

beaded_bunny

I didnt even bother to take his name. Its sad I just got sick of doing both of them and saw how much we would be getting if we were married. . . Now that we have the kids I refuse to see how much we would get if I was a "single" mother

kdaniels

We were already engaged when I got pregnant, so we were planning on getting married but not right away. Were still going to wait till we have the funds to get married and it'll be cute I agree to see our little one as a flower girl or ring bearer and then the kid can really see u can be committed to someone and love them truly without being married. We will do it when weere ready its not a big issue to us just a celebration of our relationship.

_Kaykes

Darn lol

kdaniels

And we wear promise rings too Celtic bands

myHEARTZx3

I agree. Most people in my family ended up in divorce and cheating... Marriage is not a big deal for me. I mean me and my bf will get married eventually but probably not till much later. I'm on baby #3... Not many people even bring it up to me because most people I know have kids and are not married also. My mom and aunt even tell me its better off not being married lol

[Deleted User]

I refused to get pregnant before getting married, but it happened. Religion and gut feeling is what lead me to get married...so far so good(:

_Kaykes

Yea...baby came first....now I want to make sure everything is right

brendalou

Before our son was even a factor in our world, my husband (who at the time was my long term bf) once told me if I got preggo he would ask to marry him. I told him " don't take this the wrong way, but if you asked because I was preggo I would have to say no. We would still be together and I would love you the same, but I don't want to feel like an obligation. I'd want to do it cause you love me and want to, no strings attached." I'd hate to have that hanging over my head our whole married relationship. A year and 1/2 later we had our first child and didn't marry till our son was almost two (last nov.). I knew he was the one for me, but didn't want to do it till we were ready. My fam (and others) used to ask when we were going to do it all the time, but finally gave up cause they finally figured out how "unconventionally" I lived my life. This sept. we'll have been together 8 years.

_Kaykes

Unconventional. I like that word lol

brendalou

Took em long enough to figure it out. It was like they never met me, lol. My dd got it though. Funny he was pushing us to have kids before marriage. I think it was cause he was dying and he felt kids was more important. I don't think he expected me to ever get married, but then again, I never thought I would either, lol.

brendalou

*dd=dad

sands3

I swear I've seen this same topic in 2 other threads today....

_Kaykes

Its so frustrating

Junebuggbabie85

I feel so bad because I blew up on my mom the other day about that. We were talking about the baby shower invitations and I wanted my bds name on there too and she goes if I put both of yalls names on there it will blatantly point out that yall aren't married. I screamed at her I don't give a f*ck who knows I'm not married they can all kiss my pregnant a$$ and I don't want to get married just because I'm pregnant and risk ending up miserable like you were when you married because of a baby! I felt so bad. but she forgave me thankfully.

VictoriaB

I'm married but we were ttc before we got married. I ended up getting pregnant 2 months after our wedding. I don't think its wrong to have children if you aren't married. Now that we have paternity tests, it really doesn't matter unless you feel that its religiously immoral. I'm not a religious person, but I can see why somebody would feel that way if they were brought up in the church (or other place of worship) and were taught and honestly feel that you should be married before having children. Sorry if I'm rambling or not making sense, I'm having contractions (I think) and its a little hard to focus.

bummy87

Far.as I'm concerned its ur life n u can live.it however u like.u only get 1 so y not do.it ur way

Mamato2boys

im married and i agree with you 10000% we just got married this past march and weve been together for 8yrs, we have 2 kids already and ttc #3 i do not think that marriage is for everyone and i also do not think that marriage affects the way your children are and will be raised...we were engaged for 2 years but we never wanted to rush into marriage just because we had kids already! if anything it has made us sure of what we want and were even happier that we did it this way our boys were able to participate in our wedding some people find out they cant be with one another later on and having children does not make it better bc of the added stress children bring.....Marriage is not just an act for morale issues or to prove anything i believe marriage is an expression of love and love and marriage CANNOT be forced!