ARE YOU F*CKN SERIOUS?? update- AND THEN SHE LIED TO ME
its 10:30 at night. i have to be at work, which is over 30 miles away from where i live, at 7 am. i have less than a quarter tank of gas. and now i have no babysitter for tomorrow!!!! and I'm so fuckin pissed about that right now.
my "best friend" promised and assured me that, since i work a very full time job yet honestly cannot afford to pay a sitter for all those hours, that she would be watching adrien for me and that way i didn't have to stress about it and i could focus on everything else. she doesn't have a job, doesn't ever go anywherr, and has birthed 5 children, so she knows how to handle a baby.
well her promise only lasted about a month and a half.
the last few weeks have been ridiculous. it started when i unexpectedly got the rest of m day off after being there 30 min, so i headed back to her house to get adrien n take him back home. my phone was dead so i couldn't call her to tell her have him ready. so i get there, and as I'm walking up the pathway to her apartment building i can hear loud music. i knew it was from her place and i wasn't even at her building yet, let alone on the side of it where her apartment is. i ran in hella fast, bolted up the stairs to the music and in her bedroom i find my then 3 1/2 month old laying in a mess of ruffled comforters, an empty bottle propped in his mouth that he is desperatly trying to spit out but cannot because of the angle and weight of the glass bottle. and to top it off the speakers (the entertainment system ones that are about 4 1/2 ft tall and belong in a spacios living room home theater, not a teeny tiny bedroom ) were blasting so loud, the bed was shaking from the bass! the window panes were rattling. and nobody was anywhere to be found! !! omfg i was a pissed off crazy bitch at that point. i kicked the stereo controls so damn hard and that shit turned off and still hasn't been able to turn back on. so I'm looking around the place for anyone. her 16 yr old son and his friend come thru the front door cuz the heard the music shut off from outside where they're 'hangin an havin a cig with some friends'. wheres his mom? Oh she left about 15 min ago with her boyfriend.
i grabbed my sons things, buckled him in and left without a another word.
talked to her later that night. she said "Oh babe Charlie was just giving me a ride to the supermarket so i could get some milk real quick. i left damien (16 yr old) in charge of watching him".
she's convinced damien is more than capable of babysitting because hes here oldest and helped babysit his siblings, and he is cpr certified. ok, maybe he could be capable of keeping an eye for a minute, but don't forget he's a teenage boy who doesn't care about anything but himself. he went joyriding in my car once in the middle of the night while i was sleeping, with no drivers licsence, and high as a giraffes ass. lied to my face even tho i knew it the second i got in my car the next morning. but that's something else. so anyway i told her don't do that again just because u watch him for free does not mean u can just leave like he ain't there. she said ok she understands.
well ever since then she's been flaky as snow flurries. now she's always "busy " and can't watch him. it has almost everything to do with her newest boyfriend. she's moving way to fast with this dude and she has changed so much. everything is about him. revolves around him, and must be approved or run by him before she makes any decisions. she never used to be like that. we've been tight since summer of 09 when we met while project gap outlet (we were part of a group that opened a new mall in my city and our assignment was the gap outlet. she used to be the most real, down to earth person. someone i could always count on.
and this is how its been.
so I'm extra pissed tonight because i asked her if she.could watch him tomorrow i have no one else. of course, she said she would check with Charlie an make sure she didn't have plans. UMMM FOR REAL? IF U HAD PLANS WOULDNT U KNOW ABOUT THEM? OR IS IT THAT U DONT HAVE PLANS YET BUT U WANNA MAKE SURE CHARLIE DOESNT WANT TO DO ANYTHING FIRST, THEN YOU WILL HELP ME?
well i told her to find out n let me know asap, because if she can't i have to magically find someone else. I'm waiting, waiting. 8 pm, he's not home yet so she doesn't know yet. at 10.15 I'm fighting t stay awake waiting for her call. I'm basically relying on her.to say yes because at this point its too damn late to call anybody. i call her at 10:45, and she answers all sleepy voiced.
did u guys figure out what your doing tomorrow?
"Oh yeah, were going to the balloon races in the morning, then out to lunch with his mom, and Idk where else after that".
i said " oh ok well ive been laying here, fightng to stay awake while waiting for u to call me. its now almost 11 and i have nobody at all i can call for tomorrow."
her line was silent.
so i said OK BYE.click.
u think she knows I'm pissed? i think so.
i really don't know what the hell I'm going to do with adrien. not only tomorrow, but everyday. when i first returned to work, it was my Aunt that promised me with her whole heart she was going to be his full time sitter, that she wanted him with her so she could watch over him better than anyone. and THAT lasted about a month as well. at first she complained that she wasn't able to ever get housework done when she had him, and then her partner was sick with c def and adrien couldn't come over anymore because its too contagious. anyone familiar with c def knows while that's somewhat true its also somewhat not true. but anyway that shit happened on a days notice too so that's why my friend said she would step in and help. i was sooo counting on her so i could go back to work since i support and raise adrien 100% on my fuckin own.
I'm so stressed out. i cannot call in. i can't take him with me (man i wish!) and i have nobody at all to watch him. I'm waiting for my REAL best friend to call me back now. she's a cocktail waitress and gets off work at 1am. i txtd her ill pay her $30 on saturday if she can watch him tomorrow. god plz let her come thru. she watched him yesterday at the last minute. and its not something i like asking of her because she works on her feet in heels all night and when she gets home she's tired and needs to sleep. and i totally understand that as i work 8+ hrs a day everyday in nursing and am very tired. but when i absolutely need her she's always been there. and this has been my girl for many years now. i just wish neither of us worked so much so we could spend as much time together as we used to. we were constant. we even moved into the same apartment complex (not the same apt tho we each had our own) so we could party together and lay out by the pool all day since neither of us worked at all back then. everything was awesome.
i love my son more than anything. but tanning by the pool, drinking with friends at the river, late nights out and sleeping in all day got traded for working way too many damn hours for anyones health, stress of finding a babysitter everyday just t be able to go work all those hours, and bills and debt that would overwhelm bill gates.
damn.
its now 11:33.
I'm so sleepy.
I'm stressed.
i may have to call and make up some lie about adrien being sick so i can have the day off.
i cannot afford to lose a days pay tho
I'm sorry this is so long.
I'm one lonely new momma and just have so much bottled up, that when i let it out, it really spills into a book. i feel a little better, i still need a sitter tho.
vent over.
p.s. minivent- fuck adriens dad!!!! that good for nothing piece of shit douchebag wont do a damn thing for adrien, wont watch him, wont buy diapers, wont give me adriens health insurance card (because my son is on his dads policy). i hate him so much that bastard will be the reason i end up on that show Snapped.
over vent over.
my "best friend" promised and assured me that, since i work a very full time job yet honestly cannot afford to pay a sitter for all those hours, that she would be watching adrien for me and that way i didn't have to stress about it and i could focus on everything else. she doesn't have a job, doesn't ever go anywherr, and has birthed 5 children, so she knows how to handle a baby.
well her promise only lasted about a month and a half.
the last few weeks have been ridiculous. it started when i unexpectedly got the rest of m day off after being there 30 min, so i headed back to her house to get adrien n take him back home. my phone was dead so i couldn't call her to tell her have him ready. so i get there, and as I'm walking up the pathway to her apartment building i can hear loud music. i knew it was from her place and i wasn't even at her building yet, let alone on the side of it where her apartment is. i ran in hella fast, bolted up the stairs to the music and in her bedroom i find my then 3 1/2 month old laying in a mess of ruffled comforters, an empty bottle propped in his mouth that he is desperatly trying to spit out but cannot because of the angle and weight of the glass bottle. and to top it off the speakers (the entertainment system ones that are about 4 1/2 ft tall and belong in a spacios living room home theater, not a teeny tiny bedroom ) were blasting so loud, the bed was shaking from the bass! the window panes were rattling. and nobody was anywhere to be found! !! omfg i was a pissed off crazy bitch at that point. i kicked the stereo controls so damn hard and that shit turned off and still hasn't been able to turn back on. so I'm looking around the place for anyone. her 16 yr old son and his friend come thru the front door cuz the heard the music shut off from outside where they're 'hangin an havin a cig with some friends'. wheres his mom? Oh she left about 15 min ago with her boyfriend.
i grabbed my sons things, buckled him in and left without a another word.
talked to her later that night. she said "Oh babe Charlie was just giving me a ride to the supermarket so i could get some milk real quick. i left damien (16 yr old) in charge of watching him".
she's convinced damien is more than capable of babysitting because hes here oldest and helped babysit his siblings, and he is cpr certified. ok, maybe he could be capable of keeping an eye for a minute, but don't forget he's a teenage boy who doesn't care about anything but himself. he went joyriding in my car once in the middle of the night while i was sleeping, with no drivers licsence, and high as a giraffes ass. lied to my face even tho i knew it the second i got in my car the next morning. but that's something else. so anyway i told her don't do that again just because u watch him for free does not mean u can just leave like he ain't there. she said ok she understands.
well ever since then she's been flaky as snow flurries. now she's always "busy " and can't watch him. it has almost everything to do with her newest boyfriend. she's moving way to fast with this dude and she has changed so much. everything is about him. revolves around him, and must be approved or run by him before she makes any decisions. she never used to be like that. we've been tight since summer of 09 when we met while project gap outlet (we were part of a group that opened a new mall in my city and our assignment was the gap outlet. she used to be the most real, down to earth person. someone i could always count on.
and this is how its been.
so I'm extra pissed tonight because i asked her if she.could watch him tomorrow i have no one else. of course, she said she would check with Charlie an make sure she didn't have plans. UMMM FOR REAL? IF U HAD PLANS WOULDNT U KNOW ABOUT THEM? OR IS IT THAT U DONT HAVE PLANS YET BUT U WANNA MAKE SURE CHARLIE DOESNT WANT TO DO ANYTHING FIRST, THEN YOU WILL HELP ME?
well i told her to find out n let me know asap, because if she can't i have to magically find someone else. I'm waiting, waiting. 8 pm, he's not home yet so she doesn't know yet. at 10.15 I'm fighting t stay awake waiting for her call. I'm basically relying on her.to say yes because at this point its too damn late to call anybody. i call her at 10:45, and she answers all sleepy voiced.
did u guys figure out what your doing tomorrow?
"Oh yeah, were going to the balloon races in the morning, then out to lunch with his mom, and Idk where else after that".
i said " oh ok well ive been laying here, fightng to stay awake while waiting for u to call me. its now almost 11 and i have nobody at all i can call for tomorrow."
her line was silent.
so i said OK BYE.click.
u think she knows I'm pissed? i think so.
i really don't know what the hell I'm going to do with adrien. not only tomorrow, but everyday. when i first returned to work, it was my Aunt that promised me with her whole heart she was going to be his full time sitter, that she wanted him with her so she could watch over him better than anyone. and THAT lasted about a month as well. at first she complained that she wasn't able to ever get housework done when she had him, and then her partner was sick with c def and adrien couldn't come over anymore because its too contagious. anyone familiar with c def knows while that's somewhat true its also somewhat not true. but anyway that shit happened on a days notice too so that's why my friend said she would step in and help. i was sooo counting on her so i could go back to work since i support and raise adrien 100% on my fuckin own.
I'm so stressed out. i cannot call in. i can't take him with me (man i wish!) and i have nobody at all to watch him. I'm waiting for my REAL best friend to call me back now. she's a cocktail waitress and gets off work at 1am. i txtd her ill pay her $30 on saturday if she can watch him tomorrow. god plz let her come thru. she watched him yesterday at the last minute. and its not something i like asking of her because she works on her feet in heels all night and when she gets home she's tired and needs to sleep. and i totally understand that as i work 8+ hrs a day everyday in nursing and am very tired. but when i absolutely need her she's always been there. and this has been my girl for many years now. i just wish neither of us worked so much so we could spend as much time together as we used to. we were constant. we even moved into the same apartment complex (not the same apt tho we each had our own) so we could party together and lay out by the pool all day since neither of us worked at all back then. everything was awesome.
i love my son more than anything. but tanning by the pool, drinking with friends at the river, late nights out and sleeping in all day got traded for working way too many damn hours for anyones health, stress of finding a babysitter everyday just t be able to go work all those hours, and bills and debt that would overwhelm bill gates.
damn.
its now 11:33.
I'm so sleepy.
I'm stressed.
i may have to call and make up some lie about adrien being sick so i can have the day off.
i cannot afford to lose a days pay tho
I'm sorry this is so long.
I'm one lonely new momma and just have so much bottled up, that when i let it out, it really spills into a book. i feel a little better, i still need a sitter tho.
vent over.
p.s. minivent- fuck adriens dad!!!! that good for nothing piece of shit douchebag wont do a damn thing for adrien, wont watch him, wont buy diapers, wont give me adriens health insurance card (because my son is on his dads policy). i hate him so much that bastard will be the reason i end up on that show Snapped.
over vent over.
Comments
everytime i run my fingers.through my hair i get a handfull of fallen-out hair. infact, everytime i take a shower i lose enough hair to clog my drain. literally i have to pull it all out after every shower. i half to brush my hair in 3 sections because so much hair comes out on the brush that i have to stop and empty it. I'm going bald and I'm very self conscious about it. people are pulling my hair off of my clothes all day everyday because its always falling out.
my chow has been having horrible diarreah for a week now. hes crated while I'm at work, and when i get home i find that he has had an accident in there. and I'm talking about shit sprayed in the wall behind him, from top to bottom of crate, and completely covering a 2 ft deep circle all around the crate on my floor. so after an extremely long shift, and picking up adrien, i have been coming home.to.clean up dog shit and bath my dog who hates baths,is covered in shit, and has fur that is thicker that a polar bear. wonderful. and the fact that my dog is obviously sick and there is no way i can afford to even take him in for a checkup to tell me how expensive his treatment will be.
yesterday my 6 year old cousin(my aunt who i mentioned in the top post- her child) came home from school complaining and crying of back and neck pain. he said he fell off the monkey bars at school and it was still hurting bad. so she took him to the er. turnes out he has 2 compound fractures. i am so so so pissed with the school.
1) the yard duty teacher saw him fall, heard him crying, and instead of sending him to the nurse he told him to go sit against the wall and rest. this lil boy returned to class when the bell rang. finished out his schoolday, work and all, and rode the bus home.
2) whenever a child falls and that fall could have any chance of a neck, back, or brain injury. it is mandatory to report the incident. whether the child crys or not, is in pain or not, even if they just get up and run off to play some more, its still mandatory. nobody reported his fall. nobody notified my Aunt he was injured at school. i am so pissed. infact my Aunt didn't even tell me about it until later in the night because she knew that i would've went to that school so fast, ooohh i woulda been fuckin everybody up! I'm very protective of his child. he's an FAS baby that was removed from his mothers care by the court when it came to light that her boyfriend was sxually abusing all 4 of her boys, the oldest was 8 at the time. my cousin is also autistic, and so damn smart its like talking to a growing up. i love him to death. he tends to get picked on because he is very very small for his age, very physically behind other kids in his class, and his head is, hold on lmfao, so big his nickname is chicken little because he looks excatly like chicken little with the head and teeny tiny body and he even has glasses like chicken little! its so damn cute its hilarious tho. so anyway my aunt and her partner adopted him because his mom is actually related to my aunts partner.
my phone rings 50 million times a day, and its all from collection agencys and bill collectors. and they all leave a voicemail of either 1)nothing at all 2) a recording that scares the shit outta me when i hear it because the voice is the scariest thing I've ever heard, or 3) a person talking way to fast for even a person on speed to understand, and from what i gather she's saying something about reference number and then lists a 20-something digit number. what pisses me off about these voicemails is i HATE checking voicemails. the bitch talks way too slow and has to say the date time 10 digit number and a reminder that to exit to the main menu push star, all beforr playing the message. its an all day event. please don't leave me a voicemail. i wont check it for a week anyway. txt me instead.
end of vent.
to whoever actually stayed and read the whole thing- thanks for taking the time to hear me. nobody in my life has two spare minutes to ever ask how I'm doing and when they do they don't stay to hear my answer. the person i physically talk to the most is my 4 month old son. i come home everyday to an empty apartment. its just me and adrien. I'm so lonely. I'm starting to become depressed again and the way i can tell is I've started becoming very angry at everything and everyone, I'm always mad at something, getting pissed and over irritated at little things like my cd player in my car jamming. i go through these phases of very happy and content to very deeply deppressed. I've been dealing with the swings since i was about 15 and I'm about to go very deep again. last time i sent like this was the middle/end of my pregnancy. I'm not looking forward to this
my girlfriend just called and unfortunately she has a meeting tomorrow and winter be able to take adrien. she feels real bad and I'm bummed because she is really good with my son. but i definitley understand. so ill have to call in. help plz
Your so called friend is an ass and not worthy of watching that baby. If you lived where I do I would offer to watch him. Apply for child care. I'm so sorry everything is going to hell. I am in collections too
I guess I missed something but I thought you and adriens dad were working it out....
Anyways please take care and know were here for you!!!!
The hair falling out thing is actually really normal. You don't lose much while you are preggo and a couple of months after delivery, all the extra kind of comes out at once. It should slow down in a month or so. Good luck!
Btw girl for your mood swings have you seen a dr for this? Going from major happy to major depressed yup not good definately need to regulate
Collectors call me all the time and leave messages like that on my phone too! I have to turn into joke 1) there is nothing I can do about it. If I had the money I would pay it 2) I love it when they say your ruining your credit! Seriously do you think your the only one I decided to pick and randomly not pay?? My credit f that feeding my child so much more important. When they call I answer like they are long lost friends or I go completely mental on them and have my break down to them LMAO!!! Or u could try wrong number that works great also!
Good luck I hope shit starts going your way very very soon! Remember to just breathe it's going to be ok!!!
@CaptainMorgaine i would rather have any Pregly Mama babysit than her. unfortunatley i still haven't meeting one girl who is in reno, NV lol
@bee_2545 that's excatly how i feel, too. i live for my son and everything i do now is about and for him. taking into consideration that when i found out i was pregnant my bd walked out on me, took ever penny of our money and left me homeless, I'm doing pretty damn good. i have my own place for me an my son, i keep a full time job, and completly support adrien on my own...yet i feel like i still can't win
@Caiti5 i wish i was in socal just to be there! i hate reno Ive always away wanted to move to cali by its so expensive to live there!
@MommyLovesSparkle & @ashleyfew i know what u mean. i said the exact same shit to her, and whenever i drop him off now i ask r u going anywhere and if so u need to take adrien with u. and no i don't really want to leave him with her it stresses me out and even my family doesn't like that i do, yet nobody has any other solution besides bitching about it and what other options do i have right at the second? i have to go to work everyday, and I'm actively exploring other options for adrien but i can't not work until i find something. and money is a big issue in this. if i could afford it i would hire private nannies or put him in the best learning centre i could find. but I'm looking into state assistance online
example.
her two daughters live with their grandma in cali. they came to visit their mom this summer for about 2 months. all this woman did while they were here was lay in bed all day while her boyfriend was at work, then when he got off she would leave the girls home with their older brother while she went bullshitting with him. its horrible. and thats how she treats everybody including me. and that's not normally like her. she is so whipped shes pushing everybody away and when he leaves her clingy ass nobody ill be there to comfort her. im so over it.
@tinka1326 Hey, a shoulder to vent on is the best gift, and thanks much for the virtual hug
i wouldn't even say that parenting is necessarily hard for me;its actually real simple- work, pay bills, keep baby clean healthy and happy. for me its stressful as hell and its lonely. I'm trying to cope but I'm starting to wear thin. i have been doiung good these last 4 months with the positive and just staying focused, but everyday is the same thing. me n adrien come home after a long day, i wash bottles make formula wash baby lack diaper bag for the morning, and then i just lay in bed the rest f he evening till its dark and we go to sleep. i definitley feel depressed.
@Proudmomma i knew that the post birth hormones would go beserk. id heard of the hair loss, the breakouts id get since i was clear skind my whole pregnancy, and the mood swings. but this is insane! I've lost at least 60% of my hair. the breakouts r managable, it'd be betterbif i had my birth control those >:( and the moods... well ill be the first to admit i probably am suffering some kind of stress induced ppd. i wish i could go to the dr but i can't right now so ill have to deal
@Jess510 his dad is an asshole. he was cool for a minute then not, and it goes back n forth. but bottom line is he doesn't help care for adrien, i do every single thing. he wont buy a pack of diapers when i really really need it he would rather let adrien go bare ass than "do anything to help me out " were his words. and he's thinking just because adrien is on his insurance he can withold the health insurance card from me, yet he wont take adrien to a single appointment and sure as hell wont pay for a single copay. I'm gonna hurt him and he doesn't believe me. o well
@laura536 I'm already on it
and i pray my hair comes back. i used to have so much pride in my hair. hair is a big thing in my family, idk why. all the females in my family except a very small griup are hairdressers, beauticians, and salon owners. i wanted to go to beauty school my whole life but it didn't happen. however i will practiced hairdressing in my aunts shop because liscense or not I'm very good at what i do, or used to do. and people called me to fix them up a lot, and i got paid well because i did good. so u can understand why this hair loss is hitting me really hard. its like god had to hit me where it hurts the most. i hope this doesn't last forevr
i have seen drs for my depression before, and was on prozak for a while as a teenager. i stopped taking mt meds around the time i turned 18, and i got pregnant at 19 adrien was born excatly 2 weeks after i turned 20. even though i suffered horrible terrible depression when i was pregnant, i didn't take meds because i already had a high risk pregnancy (resulting in adrien being a preemie and in the nicu for way too long). i would be totally willing to go to the dr and start some treatment, but i just cannot afford it. i didn't even go to my 8 week post-op check because i didn't have the money and i never got to reschedule, and i really need to go so i can get back on birth control to manage my breakouts ( shit not like i have to worry about getting pregnant again that part of my life used to be the greatest now its non existant). I'm sure I'm going thru ppd and i can't even do a thing about it. fml
@garagebandfan I'm in reno, NV and Idk if ill even qualify because of how much i make, just like i enter qualify for food stamps. but what they don't realize is that all of my income is already spent before i get it, most goes to rent, then the car insurance, GAS, phone, power,and of course supporting adrien. when i get paid, i immediately go pay what has to be paid so its out the way. after that me and adrien are usually living off of $50-100 that has to last 2 weeks. that has to buy diapers, gas so i can go to work, and anything else that might come up in an emergecy. I'm basically going without for a lot of things right now when it comes to myself. adrien has what he needs but diapers are a struggle for me. yet i don't qualify for foodstamps or cash assistanc. its bullshit
@ta2edblondie i know he will, and i know he loves me (as I'm the only one who takes care of him lol) but its still stressful and lonely for now
hun y dont u try to get the medical card for u and baby? the bd's insurance will be used as primary and the medical card as secondary, meaning no copays! And a pp check up is very important to do especially if you think youre having some ppd symptoms...i would check with your local dhs office and let them know u cant afford to go to dr and they can issue u a temp medical card that will cover it 100% (and while youre there vent away w all you healthcare probs and get the prescriptions u need to hold u off until u get approved for the medical card)
*Take Advantage of all the assistance there is out there to help you out for the well being of your baby and welll....your sanity!*
-get on wic, medical card, child care assistance, get the link card, get financial assistance for your utilities if you have them, get on housing assistance where they help you pay your rent, go to local food pantries and get some food
youre doing an awesome job and are a strong woman for doing it all on your own and still standing after the storm.....I would use all the resources available to me if i qualified and that alone is saving you some money that you can save up for something.
If youre really good at doing hair y dont you enroll in school part time or maybe on the weekends? get a scholarship your young and are a single female parent im sure you qualify for many of those. Or maybe do hair on the side at your place and earn a little extra cash?
*Why is it taking so long to get your sons SS card? hes 3 1/2 mts? i think mine came in at 5 wks or so....i would check up on that so that POS BD can be put on CS & backpay dam deadbeat!!! (sry deadbeat parents really piss me off)
***Virtual hugs to you and baby Adrien*** :-bd I hope that things start to look up from here for you guys [-O< %%-