Mom wants to come for baby's birth-my mixed feelings!

ciceliacicelia
edited September 2011 in VENT (keep it peaceful!)
I love my mom, and we are close. This is our fourth baby, and we have arrangements made for everything w/friends and its under control. Scheduled c-section on the 30th. Today my mom calls and says she wants to fly outbthe day before and stay until the day I come home from the hospital. I love my mom, but she likes to push her ideas, her ways, etc. She also wormed her way into the room when my daughter was born (when I asked her not to) and when my last one was born we didnt get any time the first night w/the baby because she stayed in my room and held him for hours. anyway, we want just the 6 of us to bond that first night, and have told ALL our friends here to wait until the next day. Now my mom has invited herself into this last exoerience, and I dont know how to tell her not to come. She will be flying 1400 miles to be here. But she will leave before I'm even home from the hospital. Ughhh...am I being selfish? Am I taking something from her/us? Or do I have the right to say what I want?? This sucks so badly. I am in tears over her coming her, and there are so many woman who would do anything to have their moms with them. ugghhh! Not what I needed dropped on me a week before the birth.

Comments

  • dadof2n1togodadof2n1togo
    Not sure what to say other than good luck. I had my MIL removed from the hospital when our first was born. She decided to just show up and tried to over step me. Lets just say I won that day and lost every one since lol.
    Again good luck.
  • namelessnameless
    tell her the date change to the 31st..
    I don't know..just tell her how you feel
  • momma_ericamomma_erica
    Maybe u could suggest that she come the following weekend. Tell her u already have all arrangments made & u want her to come when u will be home so u can spend some time with her too. Hubby will be back to work so u could use help with the older kids then. that way it may not hurt her feelings & she still feel wanted & needed.
  • ciceliacicelia
    @momma_erica that is a great idea. I think I will tell her that! It would actually be perfect, and we'd still have that time as a family first. Thank you! I'm going to tell her that. :)
  • lilbit01_209lilbit01_209
    I would hope the truth would be good for your mother. If not be firm. Tell her she is welcome; the weekend after and not any time before and if she cant handle that then thats her problem. Bonding between your children and thier new sibling and you and your hubby is your greatest responsibility and thats how it will be.
  • momma_ericamomma_erica
    Your welcome, my mom is the same way so I totally understand what ur saying lol. I love her to death & don't know what I would do without her but sometimes she just tries to take control. I never want to hurt her or make her feel that I'm ungrateful for all she does so I just try to work it where I get my way & she gets hers too
  • ciceliacicelia
    @lilbit01_209 your right, the bonding of our family has to trump everything else right now. Thank you. I was worried I was just being selfish, so thank you for helping me put my family first. I hope she understands, but if not, its really going to have to be her problem.

    momma_erica I think we might be sisters ;) I work so hard to make both my parents happy, sometimes at the cost of my children, my husband and myself. In this case however I have to do whats best for us. But the next week would still give her a chance to be here. So I am going to tell her that. I just hope she can accept it w/out a guilt trip to follow. Thanks again. I do appreciate knowing its not just me. I love my momma, but sometimes its just gotta be about my family. Whats hard is her understanding that. But she will! I just dont want to hurt her, while still getting what I want. This alternative would be perfect! :)
  • DreaMariaDreaMaria
    I'm going through the same thing with my Mom. We are so close...we talk everyday, but when it comes to her being at my house...it's s disaster. She changes my furniture around, organizes my drawers, rearranges my cupboards...it drives me nuts! And she always has something to say about everything DH and I do. She's s retired l&d delivery nurse and lactation consultant, so its nice to have her around, but she embarrasses ne with her constant questioning of the docs and nurses. I'm a nurse and DH is in the medical field...we can handle it ourselves;) She missed the birth of our first last year and was diagnosed with breast cancer early this year, so gave in and told her she could come. Even though I really wanted my in-laws here. I figured, life is short...she could be gone tomorrow...let me give her this joy she so badly wants and I'll just deal with it for one week ;) Next baby...I'll have it my way ;)
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