i do not know where else to turn
But I am just done.
I can actually say with my whole heart I want to die and I've given it my all but I give up to the pain and depression and loneliness and nothing sounds more peaceful and calming than death
My son is 6 months old and the most perfect child I think ever created. And if it weren't for him I wouldn't be alive today. I feel guilty for wanting to die s much because that would leave him motherless. I've figured out where he would go and who will take care of him,my dad, because my sons father is a selfish lying manipulating evil cruel waste of life who walked out on us he wouldn't take care of his child anyway.
And I am not good enough for my baby. Yeah I find the energy and will to take care of his every need every day all by myself but with work being so slow and I'm not making enough to pay any of my bills I can't get my son what he needs or deserves I can't bring myself to be happy ever and I know he picks up on that and a lot of times I get so angry from being depressed that I scream and yell sometimes at my dog sometimes at my son and a lot of times just at myself tired of cryimg all the time always being by myself and always crying during the day and crying myself to sleep i want my son to be in a happy home and I want to free myself my ex,adriens dad, the love of my life who after 5 years of amazing happiness walked out on me and my unborn child, tho he likes to point out he was just walking out on me, and he loves adrien just not me anymore.
And thru all this pain, I have to realize that I may very likely be taken from my son anyway and sent to prison if I get convicted next.month of things I did not even do.
I'm 20 years old and on October 14 2010 my life fell down all around me and has never been the same. While I should've enjoyed being pregnant and being a new. mom, its also been lonely and eye opening to the real evil in the world.
I had to let it out on here because I have nobody in my life who notices, has the time, or even just cares about what I am feeling because "it'll pass, it'll get better, just be happy u have adrien"
But after 13 months shouldn't it have passed already? It hasn't even begun to get easier its just getting harder.
I probably wont follow up on this post only because I just wrote this.to get it out. Truth is, ill just end up waking everymorning and continuing to struggle with myself and life. Thanks.for reading tho- I just want someone to hear me.
I can actually say with my whole heart I want to die and I've given it my all but I give up to the pain and depression and loneliness and nothing sounds more peaceful and calming than death
My son is 6 months old and the most perfect child I think ever created. And if it weren't for him I wouldn't be alive today. I feel guilty for wanting to die s much because that would leave him motherless. I've figured out where he would go and who will take care of him,my dad, because my sons father is a selfish lying manipulating evil cruel waste of life who walked out on us he wouldn't take care of his child anyway.
And I am not good enough for my baby. Yeah I find the energy and will to take care of his every need every day all by myself but with work being so slow and I'm not making enough to pay any of my bills I can't get my son what he needs or deserves I can't bring myself to be happy ever and I know he picks up on that and a lot of times I get so angry from being depressed that I scream and yell sometimes at my dog sometimes at my son and a lot of times just at myself tired of cryimg all the time always being by myself and always crying during the day and crying myself to sleep i want my son to be in a happy home and I want to free myself my ex,adriens dad, the love of my life who after 5 years of amazing happiness walked out on me and my unborn child, tho he likes to point out he was just walking out on me, and he loves adrien just not me anymore.
And thru all this pain, I have to realize that I may very likely be taken from my son anyway and sent to prison if I get convicted next.month of things I did not even do.
I'm 20 years old and on October 14 2010 my life fell down all around me and has never been the same. While I should've enjoyed being pregnant and being a new. mom, its also been lonely and eye opening to the real evil in the world.
I had to let it out on here because I have nobody in my life who notices, has the time, or even just cares about what I am feeling because "it'll pass, it'll get better, just be happy u have adrien"
But after 13 months shouldn't it have passed already? It hasn't even begun to get easier its just getting harder.
I probably wont follow up on this post only because I just wrote this.to get it out. Truth is, ill just end up waking everymorning and continuing to struggle with myself and life. Thanks.for reading tho- I just want someone to hear me.
Comments
Stay strong an when u feel down like this, jus pick up ur little boy an thank god for ur little miracle. God wldnt hav tested ur faith an gav u ur precious baby 6months ago whn he was havin his difficulties in the hosp if, if he didnt think u cld do it. Stay up momma! Here if u need me