stepdaughter/ parenting :/ vent

arysmommy1116

Feeling a little frustrated tonight. I love my 8 yr old stepdaughter but i get so frustrated w/her sometimes. (And my husband _her dad) i feel like she has no discipline mess everywhere, asking is she has to wash her hair when showering then she doesnt brush it. I just feel like im always having to tell her to do everything &friends it makes me feel mean/ bossy. But if her dad doesn't do it who is??? Aryanna is only 7wksa old but i would except certain things from her as well (of course as she gets older) so i know im not treating her anymore different than i would treat my kids/ nieces/ nephews (where all like 2nd parents to each others kids) AND then she always wants him to lay w/ her tilli she falls asleep (i feel like it takes time from our night talks) she doesnt need him any other time when shes @the a sleep over or doesn't ask that from her mom when shes over there. I think part of the it is his fault cause he feeds into it but idk im just frustrated maybe its just that i grew up differently

jamieeex

My husband has 3 kids from a previous marriage and I feel the same way about his 10 yr old son. He cries about everything to get his way. And always needs his attention, and I'm not upset because it takes away my time I'm more upset because the other two are girls who are twelve and gabe (his son) gets upset if he's giving them attention. For example the other day he was hugging one of the girls and gabe walks up behind his dad and pinched his cheek as hard as he could (so he'd pay attention to him). Its frustrating. He's spoiled by everyone around him. Almost to the point of me considering leaving. ( I know it sounds stupid here but its beyond beyond frustrating )

arysmommy1116

Totally understand i too often think how long ill be able to stand everything. Ive been in herlife since she was 310lbs and it has gotten worse. Ive tried to falk to him about some of the things that "bother" me but he gets all butt hurt and shuts down. Thats one of the main reason i would consider leaving cause he cant be a grown up and wanna talk to me about both of us parenting

ExcitedForOctober

I dunno how stepmoms do it, I personally would not be able to ever be a stepmom. I commend u for it though, can imagine how tough it is!

arysmommy1116

Oh gosh 3 yrs old not 310the lbs. That was funny though. Lighten the mood a little lol

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arysmommy1116

I think it also has a lot to do w/ how the other parent reacts. If theyre all about thats my kid dont tell them anything or how to parent it makes it that much harder

arysmommy1116

Thats not good i feel like if they do that they wont give you the same respect and act up around anyone cause they know theyre not their parent and no one can tell them anything. Thats what my sister did with my niece and @the the end she got in a world.of trouble cause i she wouldnt listen to anybody

jamieeex

@kendyismommy
I would FLIP. I try not to scold them too much but I cconstantly remind him that this is MY house, even if I'm not their mom. I will not be uncomfortable or disrespected in MY house.

TxMommy93011

@ExcitedForOctober oh I hope you NEVER become a stepmom lol I'm a stepmom to a 5 year old and me and her mom used to get along until she called my phone threatning me and making false accusations towards my husband. And she lives across the state from us! :^o ugh lol and her mom is ghetto she treats her kkids like shit. Calls them all sorts of names.

ExcitedForOctober

@txmommy93011 oh no that sounds horrible! No baby mama drama for me...noooooo thanks! Lol

YNVTish

Okay GURLY GIRLS... I "use" to feel the same way when I was married to my older kids father. I had a step daughter and she worked my ever lasting last nerve to its core. She was actually the most behaved out of our kids but she was too needy, didn't act like what I thought a normal kid should and she just irritated me..

TABLES HAVE TURNED...

Now my kids go to their dads and his girlfriend gets irritated with them. My kids only see there dad every other weekend and the love him so much. She makes comments about how they dress, how they act and how their clingy to their dad.

Ladies... I know being a step parent is hard (been there done that and be Damn I'd go back) but think about if it was your kid. Don't be like me... Karma is a bitch and my ex-husband is dating her!

CristinaLynn

I have a step daughter, but she lives in Texas. When we buy our house we'll have her for the summers, and I already told my husband...she'll get treated just like our kids. I have no problem disciplining a child in MY home...if neither of them like it, they really don't have to be there :-) I have rules, they will be followed, end of story. Fyi...my husband and I have the same mentality lol

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arysmommy1116

I agree! She really is a good kid! I think what gets me is the needy part and i dont understand it cause shes w/ us 90% of time. And i do treat her like she was my own except her dad has different parenting style (more free not so much structure) maybe im more frustrated w/ him since were not on the same pg with that. I plan on talking to him about it i think that will help! Just hope he doesnt tell me just wait till aryanna gets older see what ur gonna do? Thats annoying b/c were both new parents every day his oldest is groing and so are we along w/ her.

jules

Oh my goodness it sounds like you angst I are going through the same thing my bf daughter is turning 5 in 2 weeks though and we have her for half of the week and I was just like u decided to talk to him about it and everything only got worst now we argue about it everyday for hours... I know what u are going through I hope ur conversation with him goes better than ours bc I just get called names in this house... I will pray for you and your family.

HALFmyHEARTisATwar

Im not a step parent but my husband is my sons step dad... I would never tell him not to discipline him or "thts not his child" bcus the fact of tge matter is he pays the bills and supports my son and my son lives in our house hes 4yrs old ill b darned if a 4yr old is runnin s*** in my house! Lol
Now my thoughts about your child coming before your husband... Im christian and jesus says honor your husband/wife before your child (maybe not those exact words) but if you arent on the same page as parents the child will not have respect for either parent... Hope tht makes sence lol

KayyCarter

I feel this. My BF treats his 3yo like she is an angel which I thought was cute in the beginning BUT he treated his son completely different when it came to discipline and affection. They can both commit the same offense and she gets In no trouble, only a little 'don't do that' but in the SAME tone he uses when he babies her. She wont learn from that. I tell him all the time that he is creating a little monster and then he gets all In his feelings so I've decided to shut up, separate myself and let him figure out how to tame that little monster when it hits the fan. She's good when she wants to be but knows that she can't get in trouble by him so does what she wants. Kids are so SMART! lol. I fear this element of our relationship. I hope it gets better though.

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arysmommy1116

It does set you apart. W/ your SO and the child. Him catering to her EVERY need is a little too much for me and i think it makes distance between her and i cause i dont do thay. But shes 8 and i feel she can brusg her own hair get her Pjs and get dressed on her own. Even when she plays she wants him. Dont think its always healthy. I know as as aryanna grows up im gonna teach her to be independent and i dont think thats gonna make me love her less or spend less quality time w/her

arysmommy1116

@kaycarter they are smart! Lol even as newborns. And @ 8the definitely clever because she knows she cant get away w/ it with me. With her dad its i was gonna do it, in a minute and when she gets in trouble for not doing whst she was told supposed to do she gets her feelings hurt. Idk maybe i have to change strategy

cetheridge

@Arysmommy1116 I have a 6 yrold who up until this past summer was an only child me and my husband are his parents no step kids. But he always wants one of us to play w him. Or watch tv w him. He's extremely independent other than that. Maybe its just that she wants someone to spend time with.

arysmommy1116

@ cetheridge ...maybe it is cause she was the only child for 8 yrs and his family here has all of 2 kids she sometimes get to play w/. I come from a big family w/ lots of kids so they kinda fend for themselves and fight each other off a lot of the time on their own. Thats why i like to talk to others about it to see other views n how i can be better. Idk guess it will just take time n patience

blendedfamilymom

It is very difficult. My husband and i have had custody of his daughter since 6 months so thats not too difficult since i am mom, but his son is a different story!he comes every weekend and at home is an only child who gets his way. The first 24 hours at my house we call detox, because thats usually the timeframe for him to get back to the reality that dont fly in my house. My husband calls me the warden because i do not play around! But ive worked hard to show him i treat the kids equally, show them all love and affection, and discipline them the same as well. the kids can smell favoritism. We also worked very hard to discuss what is and isnt acceptable when dealing with all the kids so we are on the same page, and when we dont agree its never in front of the kids (cant show em weakness). Blended families can be difficult but great if u work at it! Best of luck!