We started having problems shortly after our son was born. I asked him to take Korea off his dream sheet (military) and he said no. Then he got orders and I asked him to turn them down and he said no. Then I asked him to go to counseling and he said no.
@1stwoodsbaby ... I was married before for 10 years to my oldest kids dad. Trust me! WHEN YOUR DONE.. YOU KNOW IT!
I think "US" women try EVERYTHING we can to put up with the BS and keep our relationships and family together.
I always talked about leaving my ex husband ... But never acted on it. I always threatened I think it was more to get a reaction and get him to change
And.... His ass would for a minute.
Then I would find myself ready to leave but not financially able to do it.
WHEN YOU'RE READY... NOTHING MATTERS!
When your done your done!
I had just been laid off... No job.. just got approve for unemployment but hadn't received my first check. And one day I woke up and was like.. its time!
And I was gone with my kids and 1/2 the furniture in my own place by the end of the week.
@ynvtish I'm at the poi t you mentioned about overlooking all the BS to keep my family together. I can put on a happy face and be fine for a month or so but I just feel we are putting off a break up I know will happen someday. I try so hard to overlook everything so.my daughter will have her mom and dad together but it's getting to be more than I can handle. I know it wouldn't be fair for her to have divorced parents but its not fair to me either to.be unhappy. Like you, there's no way I could make it on my own. I'm at SAHM with no money to my name. No car, we sold mine and he bought me one so that's technically his. My parents house burned over the summer and they are staying with my grandparents so I couldn't stay with them. I'm stuck where I am.
@1stwoodsbaby .... Real talk please believe you are ONLY STUCK where your mind allows you to be. There are way too many resources that are available for single mothers.. seperated wives or spouse that have the kids.
But have a plan before you just up and bounce. What I did is about 2 years before my planned date that I was going to leave.. pay close attention! LOL just kidding... LOL
1.... I started putting all the bills in his name so when I left I wouldn't have any over head (over head is bills that you're obligated to pay)
2.... Since I was a stay at home mom I would put away/hide/store $40 a week. Some weeks it was just $20
3..... Start going through things, getting rid of and also start packing things you know you would fight over. The longer he goes without seeing the more he'll forget about it.
4. Be nice in the mean time... But even if things get good stick to your savings and bill transfer plan. You never know if the good times are just temporary.
5. Keep picture and a journal. For example... My ex husband and I didn't agree on my son dirt bike riding and he snuck and took him anyway and my son had a bad accident.. I took him to the doctors. Well I saved those doctor records and took pictures you never know if you need them in a nasty custody battle. Also, my exhuaband and I got in an argument and he throw something and it made a hole in the wall.. took tba picture also he sent me emails.. saved them.
Just have a plan....
And remember as long as your happy your kids will be happy. My children are so much.more happier in the house with me and my honey. Life was miserable for all of is in a dysfunctional home.
Thats all very good advise. I dont know what all u r going thru... U r pretty young, right? Not married for very long just yet...? Plus u just had a baby, not too long ago. Just trying to remember what all ive read. Anyhow, i just want to tell u... It can b har to b married in the begining. U r both figuring out ur new roles as husband and wife and together. Having a baby adds a whole new stress to that... Now u r trying to figure out these other new roles as a mom and a dad and as parents together. Being young on top of that is tough and being a stay home mom when u r young (or old) can be tough. You guys are both just figuring out these new roles this new life and sometimes a woman figures it out way b4 the man. I say hang in there a bit longer (as long as there is no abuse) and just try to remember why u married him in the first place. Never stay w a man for ur children tho. Life is very short and its not worth living it all in a un happy marriage. I got married a month after i turn 21. We had our first right away. It was very stressful but all in all we figured it out. So many times (even now) where i feel like i hate his guts but could never imagine living one day w out him. Marriage is work for any couple. Just try not too give up too soon (unless there is abuse, of course). Sorry for the rambling. I hope everything turns out alright for u. Happiness is the key to a great life.
@everyone..i am @1stwoodsbaby husband....i know i haven't been doing my part in taking care of our daughter..something tragic happened in my life a month ago and a dream of mine didn't come true and it has affected all parts of my life..i love lanette with all my heart, and @mommyof3girls, you're right she is the best thing that has happened to me and i couldn't go a day without her..........i am putting our marriage into god's hands and he will be with us...
@westnbaby Take your wife on a date. A lot of couples forget the hubby/wife part when a baby comes in the picture. Let her know she is needed by you, not just as your childs mother or you 'home keeper' (in a nice way) but as a lover and best friend. You said you had a bad thing happen, well so did she, because when something bad happens to you it happens to her. Use each other as comfort.
@1stwoodsbaby i wasnt going to post a comment but when u said ur hubby said ”shut up keegan its not like ur dying. ” wow, that hit a nerve. I cant believe he said that & i know ur Baby is around the same age as mines. I would be pissed off. R u only thinking of divorce bc he's no help with the Baby Or hes just becoming more less of a great husband???
I dont know about being divorced, but when you ask "did you know it was over before you accepted it?" I would imagine it takes time to accept it, like you know your relationship is over, but it takes time to heal. Some people leave a relationship and it takes 5 years before they can accept it all and fully heal. I just reccommend if you really know it is over then end it, or if you want to keep trying then try. Just dont wait it out for the sake of the baby for the next ten years because it will be worse for the child. Make sure you are definate but do it before your baby understands.
You are the only one who will know when that time is here. Always trust your instincts. I was cheated on. I'm ashamed. I left for a while... Nearly 4 months. Had a boyfriend. :x I tell you, the one thing that changed my heart.. Was my husband. A man who doesn't eat, sleep, and tries to drink his memory of me away, is the man for me. When he flew 2500 miles and showed up at my door, skin and bones, scruffy face, and in his best clothes (lmao), I knew he needed me, more than I needed him. You have to face it, women are the glue that holds a man together. Without a woman, he is nothing.
@westnbaby It takes more than God's hands to save a marriage. It takes commitment, love, honesty, trust, teamwork, STRENGTH. God gives his grace, but only you can choose what to do with it.
Am in t same boat just not file for divorce yet. Everything I said I had it something always changes my mind idk wat it is am weak even wen I kick him out he is back the same day grr
Comments
I think "US" women try EVERYTHING we can to put up with the BS and keep our relationships and family together.
I always talked about leaving my ex husband ... But never acted on it. I always threatened I think it was more to get a reaction and get him to change
And.... His ass would for a minute.
Then I would find myself ready to leave but not financially able to do it.
WHEN YOU'RE READY... NOTHING MATTERS!
When your done your done!
I had just been laid off... No job.. just got approve for unemployment but hadn't received my first check. And one day I woke up and was like.. its time!
And I was gone with my kids and 1/2 the furniture in my own place by the end of the week.
Always have a plan..
But have a plan before you just up and bounce. What I did is about 2 years before my planned date that I was going to leave.. pay close attention! LOL just kidding... LOL
1.... I started putting all the bills in his name so when I left I wouldn't have any over head (over head is bills that you're obligated to pay)
2.... Since I was a stay at home mom I would put away/hide/store $40 a week. Some weeks it was just $20
3..... Start going through things, getting rid of and also start packing things you know you would fight over. The longer he goes without seeing the more he'll forget about it.
4. Be nice in the mean time... But even if things get good stick to your savings and bill transfer plan. You never know if the good times are just temporary.
5. Keep picture and a journal. For example... My ex husband and I didn't agree on my son dirt bike riding and he snuck and took him anyway and my son had a bad accident.. I took him to the doctors. Well I saved those doctor records and took pictures you never know if you need them in a nasty custody battle. Also, my exhuaband and I got in an argument and he throw something and it made a hole in the wall.. took tba picture also he sent me emails.. saved them.
Just have a plan....
And remember as long as your happy your kids will be happy. My children are so much.more happier in the house with me and my honey. Life was miserable for all of is in a dysfunctional home.
@1stwoodsbaby i wasnt going to post a comment but when u said ur hubby said ”shut up keegan its not like ur dying. ” wow, that hit a nerve. I cant believe he said that & i know ur Baby is around the same age as mines. I would be pissed off. R u only thinking of divorce bc he's no help with the Baby Or hes just becoming more less of a great husband???
Not sure if it was just me... But I didn't expect her "hubby" to enter in on this thread... RMAO
So much for "girl talk" ;-)