Step parents?

edited January 2012 in Parenting
How do you all get through? I'm not married but my BF has two other kids. A girl and boy. I'm at my wits end regarding his daughters mother and daughters behavior. I combed his daughters hair nicely because her hair is always sloppy when I see her. Her mother is accusing me of trying to play mommy because of this. I thought I did something good? Fine. Aside from her mothers antics, he doesn't discipline her for nothing. To put it bluntly she is a 3yo little terrorist around him because she's figured out daddy has no consequence. After a big blow up last night, he's admitted that he "cant bring himself to yell at her," because she is his "baby girl." I refuse to walk on egg shells in my own home because of a bad ass child! He puts his son in check when necessary but his daughter? Laughable. It's been 2 years of this and I can't foresee a change. I feel like I'm going to lose my mind. It's gotten to the point that I distance myself so I won't experience her every 5 minute tantrums from not getting what she wants and him giving it to her no matter how she behaves. If he treated all kids like this, I would feel a different way. I'll be damned if my son gets to her age and he's captain drill sergeant. Wtf do I do. How do step mothers survive? I usually shut up, but last night...the gasket blew.

Comments

  • I'm a stepmom but sorry no advice here lol they live all the way across the state thank god. I can't stand her mother. Put your foot down girl before it gets even worse!
  • edited January 2012
    @tommy93011
    I've tried but I always backed down. I don't want him to think I don't like his daughter. I'm afraid sometimes that it comes across that way. I just can't stand her behavior and the fact that he condones it and treats her like a baby. It's ANNOYING. Who wants to live uncomfortably where I have to worry she's gonna throw fits for everything and he comes around, picks her up and kisses her like she did nothing????? BTW, you're lucky... I wish I could move away but then id feel selffish. He would never see her then.
  • Just tell him she needs some kind of discipline it's your home. Maybe he needs you to plant it in his head that he needs to get after her. He can't make the other kids feel bad because he doesn't get after them. Girl she moved when she was pregnant. His daughter is almost 6. I've met her once. Her mom still starts drama it's annoying.
  • Me & my SO both had children when we got together & have 1 together as well. It's hard sometimes. Me & his x don't get along so we just don't deal with each other unless we have to. Most ex's are jealous. That completely explains the "playing mommy" comment. A woman that was not jealous would be happy there was a step parent there that actually gave a damn. My ex is not involved with my son so I don't really have to deal with it. U have to make him understand that he is not helping his "baby girl" by treating her that way. He is not teaching her anything & it will only get worse as she gets older. He needs to understand that u don't dislike her, bit sometimes her behavior is unexceptable.
  • Lol we r in the exact same situation. But my bf only has one daughter who is now 5 and I too have been putting up with it for almost two years. Its so hard bc I did.decide to put my foot down when my daughter was born a month ago bc I don't want him to continue his parenting style bc I don't want my daughter to act like that and think she can get whatever whenever she ways good or bad behavior bc she will never b thankful for what she has which is not how I was raised but thats how his daughter acts. We should stick together to at least have someone to get our frustrations out if anything bc it is very hard and confusing and does get in middle of our relationship bc we never argue about anything else and never have really except for his daughter.
  • @jules
    I remember your post... its really a damning situation for me and it would help me so much to have someone who is also experiencing it. I feel so alone about it. It feels like this will be the breaking of our relationship. I can deal with him not cleaning, washing bottles until i tell him, because atleast he does it when i ask but this daughter thing. Its just not a simple... i dont know what more I can say if it is still the same. The first excuse when i brought it up was that she was just a "baby." Ive left him alone for nearly a year now. She's not a baby. I dont know what else I can do. Everytime she comes around, i'm supposed to leave??? it should be like that
  • @momma_erica
    I considered it being jealousy 2 years ago. Now, even though she is in another relationship and allegedly pregnant, I thought that crap was over. Apparently not. You're right, I needed to tell him her behavior is unacceptable and I think i have done so to the best of my abilities. I just dont know what more I can say and im to the point of not knowing how much more I can tolerate.
  • @TxMommy93011
    I told him before, you keep letting your son see that he gets in trouble and she doesnt and one day when he is old enough to comprehend, he is going to resent you. He doesnt get it. Im not gonnna sit and wait for him to get it either. I keep telling him he's gonna be alone with his little terrorist that he's creating, because no woman in their right mind is going to put up with that from a child and sit and watch it being condoned.
  • I know exactly where your coming from... My almost 5yo step daughter is evil, has started throwing the tantrums that a 2yo would and is just soaking up the attention she gets for it. I dont like her, I resent her and generally she makes my life miserable. Admittedly things are better than they were but he also has a 3yo son that would never get away with even half tge shit his sister does... And my 2yo son is awful in his eyes because he has tantrum issues I actually take the time to address (unlike him) ... My life is shit when his kids are around... But if our daughter we have together is ever made to feel second best to his first daughter I will leave no questions asked.
    I would love to tell you it gets better but in my experience it doesnt... Rant over lol
  • Well I want to talk to u more about it so here is my email jrea280@yahoo.com or u u want find me on facebook look for jules rea its a picture of baby. Because what you guys and I are thing through is the same thing we need to stick together and try and figure it out so all of our relationships can with out and we can stay without having to leave everytime these kids visit.
    @kayycarter
    @tinka1326
  • edited August 2012
    @jules
    My email is I need someone to talk to who knows my feelings. It's so hard...
  • @tinka1326
    My fear is to be in the situation your just described but in all honesty I don't feel I'm far from it. It sounds strikingly similar. I don't want to have this be the reason we separate but how much of this can someone really withstand? How much and when is enough ENOUGH?
  • My almost 5yo step daughter had a 2.5 hour screaming tantrum on the weekend... Yet his daughter is still an angel in his eyes and my son is a bad kid because at 2.5yrs he has on average 1 10min tantrum a day lol
    Our relationship is on the rocks, unless things change I will leave in about 2 months. Im just waiting till we have paid my sister back money we owe before really considering to leave
    @kayycarter
  • Me and my ex are split apart now but when we were together i had the same issue. I brought it up to him and told him it wasnt my place to say anything but that he should say something to his daughters mother.
  • @kayycarter ok emailing you right now :)
  • edited August 2012
    @jules
    I gave the wrong domain for the email! so sorry!
  • @kayycarter lol I just re farwarded it two times cause it wansnt working so I checked this just cause I thought I was sending it to the wrong email. :)
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