How do I get through to him??

rjr33

Me and my ex broke up like 3 weeks ago after 2 and a half years.. Well he broke up with me with no clear reason other than he just wants to be by himself. He was living with me and my family and wanted space. We found out we were pregnant not to long after we broke up. We have had 3 mc together and were ttc before we broke up so this was planned! And now I feel so alone. Like I thought him and I were gonna start working on things and get closer again but I feel like he's not even trying.. I am so sad and lonely. Some part of me feels like he is talking to someone new but he just won't tell me. He says he's not but why isn't he trying harder with me. I ask him if he's just not in love with me anymore and he says that's not it. I just dont get it! I feel like he is just having fun doing whatever he wants until he knows whether or not we are really having a baby or not. It just kills me. Idk what to do anymore. I mean we tried getting pregnant and having a family and now it's happening but he isn't trying to fix things with me. he says he is not going to abandon me or the baby and he went to our dr appt and helped pay for my medicine and stuff but I feel like emotionally he is not there for me. I just know when my belly starts getting bigger and he realizes its actually happening he'll wanna fix things and I'm just going to be so fed up by then. And have all this resentment towards him for letting me be alone in the beginning. I just dont know what to do to get through to him! I could use any advice. I am so hormonal, sad, and just lonely!

ExcitedForOctober

Have u tried leaving him alone? My bf and I have been together for going on 6yrs and have been through ups and downs and I can say I know exactly how u feel.

I know its hard but stop calling and texting him and basically act like u dont care, its going to make him miss u and hopefully realize he does not want to lose u. Right now he probably thinks he can do whatever he wants and in the end u will still be there not only bcuz he knows u love him but bcuz u are pregnant with his child and u need to make him value u.

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rjr33

I have left him alone lately.. I mean should I just ignore him for awhile? I never text or call him first anymore.. Like the last few days I have kinda givin up. We won't talk all day then he will text me at 5 pm and be like hey how you feeling. What are you doing. That kinda thing. And I reply to him.. I just dont know what to do anymore. I know he thinks that I am just gonna sit here and wait for him and I absolutely hate it. idk how to act towards him. I guess I'll just not try. Even though it's so hard cuz I'm so emotional! I'll just stay busy and maybe he'll come around.. Should I just let him text me and call me and kinda put him to the side? I hate this. I know he just thinks I'll be here when he's ready to come around. It makes me sick cuz I am hurting so bad and we were suppose to be a team. I mean we planned having a baby. I hope he wakes up soon.

@excitedforoctober

rjr33

@armahnismommy I wish I could let go so bad. I just feel like I have hope for him still no matter how pathetic that sounds. I am going to try and focus on me and baby. If he truly doesn't want to be with me I can't do anymore. I have tried and tried and tried.

@kendylsmommy I know I have always put him first... I need to just let him be and put myself first it's just so easier said then done I'm so heartbroken

Crisjoe

There are 2 approaches. 1)he is a great guy and is just going through things and sorting things out 2)he is showing you his true colors and you refuse to see it. Only you can decide. Be honest with yourself when examining your past for clues.

ExcitedForOctober

Yes just be short with him. Its gonna get him to thinking. Its not fair that you have to be mentally tortured while he gets to do whatever he wants!

Its going to be very hard but just keep remembering the situation u are in. And u are right, if he keeps this up you are going to have alot of resentment towards him, I went through this. It took a very long time for it to go away so I'm hoping that he opens his eyes soon before your sadnesd starts turning into anger and building up.

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rjr33

Thank you girls! None of my friends know I'm pregnant yet cuz I dont wanna tell anyone till I'm further along so they dont really understand my situation! I appreciate your input. I think I am just going to stop being right there when he texts or calls or needs me. It sounds bad but I want him to hurt! I want him to miss me and be lonely. I shouldn't have to go through this especially being pregnant. I am not gonna put him first anymore. I'm just gonna be short with him. If he really doesn't want to be with me there isn't anything more I can do or say so I have no choice but to start putting ME first. Part of me just wants him to wake up and realize soon what he is going to be missing though

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Mrz_Jackson

@rjr33 I love ur last last reply ! Yes that's exactly Wat u need to do !

RTMommy

@rjr33 It's harder to go through something like this when you have no one close to confide in. Honestly, it's easier to handle a crappy situation when you can talk openly with someone else and hang out to distract your mind. I like to find projects for myself when I'm fixated on something else. After my first MC, I bought a house. You don't have to be so extreme, but it helps to keep busy. Ya feel? All of us Pregly girls are here for you. I say make him chase after you for a change, and if he stops chasing, you know he's really over it. It won't be easy getting over him since you'll have a baby together, but you can't put someone else before you like that in a relationship. Have love and respect for yourself enough to realize you're worth more than that, and he can't just take off and do what he wants when he chooses. Hugs, honey!

newmommyFeb2012

I'm sorry to be a little frank and he may not feel this way, but he may not love you the same way anymore. Ttc can have a bad effect on men too and sometimes even worse. After all that time and since you broke up he may be trying to move on. If you don't get back together he can still be apart of your team and be a great dad. Also not trying to be rude, but its not really your business at this point if he's seeing anyone. If you get back together then yes he should tell you if he was, but he def isn't going to right now. It may be hard but you need to get out and stop moping around. Have fun and spend time with friends and family. Get dressed up. Go on a few dates. Show him what he is missing. Sitting at home waiting is putting stress on your baby, putting you into a depression and definitely not going to make him come back if he knows he has you with no effort.

rjr33

I hate bd! He's an asshole. We haven't talked all day. He hasn't called or texted once! I am gonna stick to my guns and act like I dont care. But it's so hard. I hate this.

Roxy

Take @ excitedforoctober advice sum times when men act up they leave u no choice to play there game. The true way for him to realize is leave him alone. Meaning don't call or text him first. Keep bizy even if ur not act like it. Im not saying to ignor him just wait a few min till u get back at him. You dnt want to push him away just make him wonder wat ur doing. Its hard very hard, but stay strong. The reasons y he acting up. We dnt know it could b any thing. So dnt stress ur self out and think he's with another female. Your prago u have to b stress free. u hurt baby hurts.

MamaLove

Can't make ppl love you.. and if you have to force it, it's not worth having, it's not real. You will find better. Hugs!

rjr33

@mamalove I just wish if he wasn't in love with me anymore he'd just say it but he won't. Its like he doesn't wanna totally break it off or something. Its annoying. I am so heartbroken but I am to the point where i have nothing left to give. Nothing more to say to him. He is literally making me sick. He just doesn't get it.

@roxy that's my plan. I am leaving him alone and acting like I dont care even though I do so much. but like I said I have no more left to give. I am hurting so bad. I just don't know how to get past it. Especially being pregnant I am not myself anymore

MamaLove

He may not know how to say it. I'm sure he has love for you, he just may not be in love anymore. It's not fair what he's doing and it's childish. You don't need that.. Real men keep it real. He's a game player.

rjr33

last night I was talking to him and he just doesn't get where I am coming from or why I get upset when he just doesn't talk to me all day.. I kept asking him if he wanted me to move on and he said do what you want.. and I kept asking and pressuring him on why things arent getting better or why he is so distant from me and he finally said yeah move on but dont forget I'm the father. It was like he didn't want to say he wants me to move on or something cuz he wants me to sit and wait for him to come around. I didn't talk to him after that then an hour later he said I said that cuz that's what you wanted me to say and now your upset. I am so tired of him and the way I am getting treated. So I am officially putting him on the back burner and growing a set of balls! lol. I am starting to not be so sad and am starting to get angry. He called me today and I ignored him and he texted and said call me asap.. so I just ignored him. Then he called 12 more times and texted 5 times and I have ignored him. It's like he wants me to jump when he says jump or be there when he needs me. I AM DONE BEING NICE! Guys suck!!! I hope it gets better. Thanks for listening to me vent! lol.

RTMommy

Good for you! He can talk to you when he pulls his head out of his ass.

rjr33

@RTMommy that's what I'm saying lol. He needs to learn a lesson. Maybe not having me there for him when he needs me will wake his ass up.

RTMommy

@rjr33 well you not being there will make him see he DOES need you in his life. And hopefully he'll realize what he's trying to throw away. Keep being strong. :-)

mommyof3girls

Good for u @rjr33 way to stand ur ground. Dont let him walk all over u. Like @RTMommy said... Keep doing it till he gets his head out of his ass! Relax.

Mrz_Jackson

Good for u ! That's great jus focus on u an baby for awhile

TxMommy93011

Good for you. Keep being strong girl

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ExcitedForOctober

Seriously good for you hun!! He needs to open his eyes and realize what he is losing by being such a dick...

momofSOONtobe7

Good lady! Stick to your guns, dont let those balls deflate ;-) and stay strong hun!!!! Let him know who's boss and who he's hurt! Screw him! ! Don't let him being you down and stress you out BC its not good for the miracle inside of you!!! Idc who says its not true but stress can and will make you miscarry!!!! That's the only explanation the docs really had for me miscarrying the last two I had. I was going through my divorce, dealing with an ex of an ahole, work that was stressing me out, moving, etc. My ex threatening me with my kids good Lord a ton of stuff!!! I blamed myself for them knowing how much stress I put myself through BC I didn't want to really give up on him but yet I knew I was done with him bit what hurt the most was me wanting him to grow up and realize what he put me through and what I was going through. I still to this day hate him for everything he put me through. I have now come to realize it wasn't me it was him that made me have a miscarriage. I know people are going to say something different but I know better! No one but me was in my situation and no one but me knew what I was put through. So don't let him get you down and pull you down!!!! Stay strong stick to your grounds and keep your head up!!!!!!!

rjr33

@everyone thank you girls! I am stayin strong. I have not spoken to him once since the other night! I am very proud of myself. He texted today and asked if I would go to a movie with him tonight and talk and you know what I said... NOTHING. lol it feels good. I think he is kinda getting a taste of what he was doing to me. I know this is not going to be an easy road but ignoring him right now is the best thing for me. Guys stink!! :P

ExcitedForOctober

I am so glad u are being strong! You will see this is the best thing u can do, you deserve better than to be put to the side then picked up whenever he wants like a toy...hang in there, things get easier and little by little the sadness u have left will be nothing but resentment and anger.