im depressed all the time and its not hormonal

katlilly

Idk what's going on. I'm so miserable 24/7 nothing makes me happy. I'm not into doing anything w friends, I force myself to do it and I feel like I never smile. I'm tired and the idea of doing basically anything that involves getting dressed and leaving the house stresses me out...but I never want to be home. Ahhhhhhhh!!!! Wish I could yell it really loud. If I go to the docs they'll say it's bc of the miscarriage. Its not, its many things that I can't control. I feel useless and lazy and that makes me feel more upset. I am on the verge of crying all the time and I never feel like eating, or cooking, so when I do eat its something shitty. I hate this.

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katlilly

Thanks @mama_kat I hate that I can't be strong all the time. I try really hard love you too

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2ndtimearound

Sorry you have these feelings, sounds horrible. I know people very close to me with depression, and they got better with medication. Depression is a chemical imbalance that may have been triggered my the m/c, and the hormones. How long have you been feeling this way?

katlilly

@2ndtimearound they've been coming and going for years. I've been treated for anxiety in the past. The fact that its mainly situational drives me crazy bc I just want to fix it but not w meds, I want it to "clear up" on its own. And it dies for awhile and then it rears its ugly head every couple years.

potato

Go to the doctor. I've suffered through depression most of my life. I've always tried to be strong because I felt I have to. I'm on antidepressants now and while it's not a cureall it has really helped. I'm on generic zoloft and its a rated B drug for pregnancies. Please, get some help now. You're not weak. Asking for help takes strength and courage. You can do it.

georgias_mummy

love u @katlilly xxxx strength comes from within, have you spoken 2 any friends or familly about it babe, u can add my fb if u want to talk , its katie ann barbie lloyd xxxxxxxxxxxxx

2ndtimearound

I understand not wanting meds, i had a small episode of anxiety a few years ago. I had ativan (anti anxiety med), but only took when absolutely necessary. Just having it in my purse helped ease the anxiety. Stay strong and i'll be praying for you to feel better soon.

katlilly

@potato I told my husband via txt the other day out of despair and he replied 'i know you are, I can see it in your eyes' ...'we'll get through it like we get through everything' and I just bawled. I hate that he sees me so upset. And I hate that I can't stop the feeling.
@georgias_mummy I'll look for you on fb thank you!! Xoxo

katlilly

I had Valium once meant as a muscle relaxer after a car accident a few months ago and it was heaven. I took it before bed bc my back would be tight. For the anxiety I think it was celexa. My cousin is on ativan for anxiety /add/ depression too. Its helping her.

georgias_mummy

@katlilly np babe, hehe jst dnt say anythng on my profile about ttc as no1 knws I am, nt tht u wud but ya know lol xxxx

makeup_artist_mommy

Just b strong mama i ve felt the same way and what helped me was just praying to god to help me help me be stronger

katlilly

@Georgias_mummy me neither I had to private message all the pregly mommas that friended me to tell em not to say anything lol

georgias_mummy

Hehe,@katlilly my pic btw is off my lil girl pretending to smoke grass, not influenced by me she was copying a friend lol but still a cute pic xx

katlilly

Its not getting any better...pretty sure it's getting worse. I don't have the money to even pay the Co pay for an appt right now. Ahhhhhhhh

JuliansMommy

@katlilly- I am sorry girl when things go bad for me and I think that it can't get any worse that's when they start to get better. You should maybe try going to planned parenthood. I know how you feel I am also a very strong person and I never like for ppl to see me down but its good to let it out don't hold it in. I promise you things will get better for you hun.

katlilly

Thanks @cali83 there's just so many stressors for me right now, so its just compounding. I was offered a job this morning, so you would think is be in a great mood. I was, until I went to the bank to take out money to renew my insurance. Everything just seems so difficult. Like really easy routine things suck the life out of me. I just called my husband on his cell at work and screamed at his voice mail how it's all his fault we're so broke when he's busting his ass and the only one bringing in money. I said 'no wonder I'm so depressed ' I feel so bad I just did that. All he's been is supportive and loving and I bash him for spending money he earned on things that make him happy. I'm such a horrible wife

JuliansMommy

No you aren't a horrible wife. I was just like you when I had my mc I swear I was evil and I would go off on my hubby for no reason. I'd look for reasons to fight I was bad. I was just such an angry person which isn't me at all. But after a few months I started to get out more I kept myself busy with the gym, work, and house work and it helped. Things are already getting better for you, congrats on your job!! that will help you stay busy and meet new people.

desertrose

I know this feeling oh to well, im sorry you feel this way kat. When you feel like that it affects every aspect of your life mostly the relationships that are closet. I tried celexa but what worked the best was paxil, it took a few months to kick in..if you are ttc drs don't recommend those meds because of birth deffects but you have to get yourself right before you can concentrate on a baby have you tried yoga? I know it sounds like it wouldn't help but it helped me when I decided to come off meds I couldn't go to the gym cause I felt like such a freak always crying or angry I use the wii fit yoga im praying for ya kat hope you feel better soon

katlilly

@desertrose @cali83 thank you
I just apologized to my hubby and the gorgeous man knows I didn't mean it and he forgave me. That's why I love him so much xoxo
I wont be able to ttc until Sept bc of this job. I have to wait 90 days to go permanent and then another 90 for benefits. so I guess I can try anything til then

katlilly

OOh..and I have to go in for a bimanual follow up exam after the mc when my hcg/progesterone levels go down to zero. Therrs no Co pay for prenatal appts, so I'll bring it up then.

natashalynn

@katlily stay strong hun. I've struggled with depression for over half my life. I have been on medications before, but I hated it. I felt like I was walking in a fog. So I too decided to try and fix it naturally. But I completely 100% understand the statement "every few years it rears its ugly head" I feel the same way, I'll be doing fine, and out of the blue, it'll hit me all at once.
There's no insta-fix unfortunately. Just know that there are strangers from all over the world who are going through simillar issues, and are sending their love your way.
(But finding a good stress release doesn't hurt either. For me, it's running, and painting. Explore different outlets like that, you'd be surprised how much of a difference they can make)
xoxo
:x

bigmamak

Hope things get better for you hun. One of my bffs suffers from depression and its a daily struggle for her.

expectingbabynumber3

I know how hard it is. Take it easy. I get like that all the time. Just let it out u will feel better

mommyinwaiting

I was on meds for 10 years, and they were working, and I decided one day that I needed to get off those meds. I realized that sometimes even when I don't feel like it I need to make myself shower, and make myself leave the house. That was 3 years ago. I think you will start to feel better about yourself and everything once you start working. I think that will help immensely. I am also on facebook alysia bosley. Also no one knows I am ttc either. You can always reach out, and any of us ma mas will help you out in any way that we can! *Hugs*

katlilly

@mommyinwaiting thanks love its great to have so much support and love

kayleigh27

I have depression/anxiety too. I was on welbutrin on my first pregnancy and I got off just to be on the safe side even though its safe to be on during pregnancy. I had a miscarriage and I was just torn up. I was in a deep funk for months. I even had to be hospitalized due to it. This time around I have gotten off my meds but I continue to go to a therapist. So please talk to someone or get on medication because its not healthy to be like that. You're a young woman that needs to enjoy life because I wasted so much.time while I was depressed because I never got help

Mnbaby3

*big fat hugs*

katlilly

@kayleigh27 thanks hun I'm grateful for everyones support. I'm going to wait it out for a month or so til things turn around w my new job and finances. Hoping everything works out great for you during this pregnancy xoxo

[Deleted User]

listen here missy, you are an AMAZING woman! from knowing you on here you have a great family, awesome friends, and a supportive husband. In times like these you have to remember what you do have, everything else will fall into place...trust me. I'm rooting for you, love!