I need someones opinion

babyzoey

I've always been a firm believer of once a cheater always a cheater. My fiance and I have been together just over a year now and plan on getting married in august. She's much older then me and has had a very promiscuis past. She's told me that she has cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had except one. For some reason this bothers me, I feel like a deer in the head lights, like when should I expect it to happen to me. She says that she was young and dumb and that she ready to settle down and have a family. Idk it still makes me a little uneasy. Do you guys think this is normal. Sometimes I feel like an asshole cause I always want to talk about it, it makes me feel better I guess, I just dont understand how if you love someone as much as you say you do, how do you go and cheat on them. It also bothers me that she was promiscuis too. I think it has to do with the fact that she's the only person I've been with but idk some of things she says to me make me look down on her. I know everyone has baggage, but i can't seem to look past it. I love her and can see me spending my life with her but her past bothers me. Has anyone else had this problem before. Is it normal to feel this way. I feel horrible about it and the feelings came about all of a sudden. Idk if its cause im nervous that our daughter will be here in less then 5 weeks or that the wedding is coming near. Idk what do you guys think.

natashalynn

I think its fair to be nervous. I would be without a doubt. But on the other hand, its not always fair to judge people on their past. I was promiscuous I was a party girl luckily my man loves me all the same. It's who I WAS not who I AM. I hate seeing people from high school cause they don't know me now & judge me for my behavior back then.
If you really want to spend your life together, communications is key. Have an open and frank conversation of how you're feeling, and explain why you need to discuss her past, and find her the opportunity to discuss anything of yours.

Hope this helps, but Congrats on both the baby and the wedding!

emy

I think u maybe getting nervous. I dont have the best past but iv been with my hubby for 6 yrs an I love him so much that I could never cheat on him. When I met him I knew why I cheated on my past boyfriends.... Bc I never felt like I do now. If she has changed then please dont hold her past against her, but no chances if she cheated ill walk away. Ppl can change but only if they want too. Congrats on tje baby in 5 weeks, enjoy ur baby, they grow so fast

babyzoey

Thank you guys, we discussed it, and im going to try my best to look past it and not let it get in the way

second_time_mommy7

I would feel the same way, but you also have to think of why she would tell you this if she has not changed? She wouldn't. I have a past that I'm not so proud of never cheated on anyone but I did plenty of other things that are not very wonderful. My husband knows of these things because I have changed and I can feel ok about talking to him about who I was. In my thought process, I would never tell my so about my past if I had any intention of going back to that person because then he would know to watch for it. Lol in your situation I would always keep an eye out for signs but don't hold that against her.

DavidnAadynsMama

I had a similar past. I believe it when she says she was young & dumb. I did similar things because I wasnt mature enough to be in a mature relationship. Thats not to say she wont ever do it to you, but you can also get with someone who has NEVER cheated & they could do it just as easily. You should give her the benefit of the doubt. If not, you could possibly miss out on something great. Good luck

newmommyFeb2012

I would definitly feel the same way. I havent experienced this, but I can imagine. If my husband ever cheated on me or me on him we would be able to forgive eachother, but when its in the past if it was on every gf he ever had I would have a hard time trusting. I know that I still after 3 years always ask questions about his past gfs and stuff cause i will admit I get jealous and talking helps me not be upset.

YNVTish

I see things a little different then everyone else. I understand you being nervous but at the same time I really don't hear the unconditional love in you.

She had another life before you.. and EVERYTHING she has done in the past has formed her into this great person you have come to love.

The same girl that had a past is the SAME GIRL you're having a baby with.... Except she's evolved with time and experience into the lady she is today.

Be thankful she's experienced life and knows what she wants.

Another thing... Why are you guys having a baby before marriage if your standards are so high. Why even have sex before marriage.

If she's never cheated on you... Showed you signs she's going to then leave it alone. Stop questioning her and love and trust her. I mean... It is a little late to be concerned.. baby is almost here.

Love her unconditional.. let sleeping dogs lay. Enjoy your fiance and look forward to the wedding.

cheryl74

I cheated on every boyfriend I had until I met my husband. I have never cheated in him and never would, because I love him with all my heart. We have been together very happily for 17 years. He was always worried that I would cheat in the beginning, but he trusts me implicitly and has no reason to doubt me. And that's down to him aswell, he showed me unconditional love and that's what he got in return x

babyzoey

@YNVTish theres more to the story that ive left out. I never wanted to have sex till i was married, odd i know, im a man and im suppose to want go out an bang everyone. She wanted to have sex, we were only dating a week and half and she did everything she could to get in my pants. Finally after months i gave in. None the less, it was awesome and i was so in love and i couldnt see my self with everyone but her. Before we did it i asked multiple times about stds and how many people shes had sex with. It started an arguement because aparently asking about stds inferred that she was dirty. She wanted a baby and i said ok. then her attitude changed drastically. I contributed it to hormones and stuff. Then about two months ago my genital area started getting real itchy with read bumps and cut looking marks and flaky skin. I contributed it to too much sex. It didnt go away and got worse. I started assuming it was std(in the process of getting a dr) and started asking questions. I found out shes lied to me about lots of stuff including more recent stuff with our daughter. Im not mad that shes been with people, but i dont want to have to suffer the consequences of it (stds).

mommyof3girls

First off.. go get checked out! Why wait? Go!!

Secondly... I understand how u feel about her past. My husband was my first and only. It takes a strong person to wait until its just right/right person. However, somehow (if u love her) u need (for ur own sanity) to forget about it... Yet, if u have gotten an std from her... Well, then thats a bit different.

Life is hard... Dont make it any harder than it needs to be. Dont even get married unless ur heart is in it 100%... That goes for both people getting married.

Good luck.

Ps.just curious but why did she lie to u about ur daughter? Thats not right.

YNVTish

@babyzoey... Questions about std and who she's been with are important to know BEFORE... You get down on it.

Did she cheat on you and give you an STD or did she bring that into the relationship?

I agree with @mommyof3girls .. if your heart isn't in it don't do it. There's an old say that we used to say ...

You can't turn a hoe into a house wife!

I believe that to be untrue. But in some cases it might just be.