In need of advice on dealing with in laws.....

ghettobetty

So ever since the beginning of my fiancé (Luis) and I's relationship my in laws have not liked me...
Reason 1. I'm white
2. Have other children
3. I don't speak Spanish

I feel I handled it well. I'm involved .... I take gifts over. Never complain . Always nice to my in laws . And then Luis brother came in feb to live here ..... I was jn the beginning of my pregnancy highly stressed and just had a horrible weekend dealing with Luis bad ass step son...... So Luis brother came over to visit I said ok . I even gave Luis my debit card to get beer . Problem is when I asked the amount spent he wouldn't answer me. It took me asking 3 plus times to get an answer just to find he took extra money out. I was pissed n said never do that again I guess yelling it. Anyways his brother won't speak to me come near me nothing.......
I feel his loss but it's driving a wedge between Luis and I soon to be married oct 27th and his family may not even show!!!!
So now his mother is fighting with me about my stepdaughter .... I take care of my strap daughter ( Angelina) full time. Treat her like my own ! I sm getting her baptized in the catholic church ...... I'm setting it all up ! My mil is trying to change the dress.... I got and everything I say NO I'm the onf doing everything...... If it were up to my in laws angelina wouldn't even get baptized or go to catholic school ! I'm the one doing it all do I feel they have 0 say.........
Well they are putting Luis in the middle .
Over a baptism dress!!!!!
On another note I recently stopped going to my inlaws cause they don't treat my children equal to Angelina and I won't allow my children to bd hurt repeatedly because they are just ignorant ........ My family on the other hand always treats angelina the same as my children. I honestly just thought that is what people do. Even my ghetto ass babydad family always treated everyone equal and angelinas moms family which her real mom is MIA but her grandparents on her mothers side treat my children and angelina equal so...... so WHY wont my inlaws to the same.... I see it as respect and just commen sense when it comes to children!

So why ?!!! Is this a culture thing ???? They are from the Dominican republic ..... Or are they just seriously backwards horrible people ? I'm trying to understand and trying to be nice but it's starting to hurt my relationship with Luis ...... Which is what they want ?!!! I just don't understand......

YNVTish

@Ghettobetty

How many kids do you have out of this relationship?

How old are they?

How long have you and Luis been together ?

How old is your baby with Luis?

How old is your step daughter/son?

What does his "bad ass" son do?

Just trying to get some history?

ghettobetty

I have 1 child together Maximo he is 8 motnhs. My oldest is 11 antony. Bella is 6. Angelina step daughter is 5. Luis Stepson im not sure his name is Danny he is about 7-8.....
Luis and I have been together about 2 1/2 years....
The stepson does things like talk back, tells angelina to call Bella a bitch, and has angelina draw boobies on everything..... among other things.... He is gone now but back then we have him every other weekend.
@YNVTish

YNVTish

Wow! @ghettoBetty you're in a horrible position ... To put it mild! ;-)

I had 1 daughter when I married (before this baby and relationship" and my inlaws tried to dog my daughter out. Years later I now have 3 kids ... And my fiance and I have a new baby but my new inlaws are waaaay better.

I also had a step daughter in my past marriage as well.

So its like this @ghettobetty ... You just may never be excepted by the inlaws or good enough for their son.. or if may settledown a few years after marriage.,

I think what's creating big problems is your fiance is airing your dirty laundry to his family. This is creating issues and plus they see you hormonal and fustrated.. but don't know all of the positive you do.. or just doesn't care cause the negative out shines the positive.

My advice would be ... Stay true to yourself and your kids.

I bet you come off as some bitch to the inlaws. LOL

Sounds like they're a tight family with strong cultures. I'm sure the momma is the leader of the pack.

What I think is she's.. she's use to calling the shots and now you're with her son and a new marshal is in town and its driving her crazy. She wants to run your house.

If they're tripping toward your kids.. shelter your babies.. they come first and dont need that negativity. They already have to share they're mommy with a man and new baby.. now they're getting the short end of the stick with the inlaws.

Since your honey isn't stepping in and fixing stuff... You may need to talk directly to your MIL...

OR JUST STAY AWAY FROM THEM ALL.

ghettobetty

Thanks for the encouragement and advice! @YNVTish I have tried speaking to my MIL she doesnt speak english well so she doesnt understand...... my Brother in Law wont speak to me look at me or be in the same room as me.... 8-|
Luis is trying to explain to them but its as if they dont care or don't understand I am not sure which it is since I can't speak spanish. But I do know he does tell them about treating the children better and all of that...... He is sticking up for us, with me, and standing by my side. However I can tell it hurts that they are being so horrible about the situation and its putting stress on us.....
Hope for better times to come!!!!

BTW its been well over a year that I raised my voice to Luis in front of his brother and I am well over it. It really is amazing to me that his brother is still upset about it... I seariously only raised my voice I didnt scream throw stuff and act crazy LOL

ghettobetty

Also luis "says" he only says positive things about me and the kids to his family but I can not know for sure.....

natashalynn

My advise would be confront them. Seeing as you don't speak Spanish, that could be hard. Maybe you could do an online class for Spanish? It might help them like you more, it'll let you know what's being said about you, and it'll allow you to deal with them when necessary.
Just an idea!

YNVTish

Really its none of his brothers business. But in that culture the women/wives are submissive but the mother is controlling.

This is a tuff tough situation

ghettobetty

I have considered learning spansih..... to truely learn spanish you almost need to be around people speaking it all the time and I am almost never around it..... my Fiance doesnt speak it arounbd me and really has no interest is helping me learn it. He says he doesnt like the way americans sound when they try to speak spanish....Maybe I will look into trying to learn it again.

ghettobetty

The brother says I shouldnt have done it in front of him.... He feels I was doing it on purpose....

Mijita

Don't confront it'll only make things worse! What you are experiencing is all cultural!! You will never be good enough for their son, please forgive me for saying this but Latin moms are over protective and overbearing about their sons. One big problem is you have kids from another man -- BIG no no. No, it doesn't matter that Luis has children himself. Also anything his mom says to the father is like liquid gold, so you are fighting an uphill battle.

Because they are from the DR, they are instilled/engraved with the cultures and beliefs of their society. You have done nothing wrong!

I think it is unfortunate that they treat your children different. It's apparent they have not had time to warm up to your kids. They will, I promise you, they will. Just continue to be yourself, treat their son good and they'll eventually warm to you. Especially if they see that their son is happy and well taken care of.

Don't lose sight of happiness and by no means, don't let the old ways of thinking from the in-laws ruin your happiness. They thrive on intimidation!

Oh, and you not speaking Spanish has nothing to do with their dislike for you.

LeviLuv8

Why is you having other kids a problem? When he has some? Why does he even take his stepson? wouldn't it be his.exstepson? I dunno I'm confused! Wish I could help but I got nothing! They could learn to speak english! Thats my thought!!

Mijita

@BabyLuv8, I know how ironic and hypocritical it sounds but believe me it's true! In America we are accustomed to women with children, in Latin countries it's barely starting to become custom. In the Latino culture a woman with children is a big no-no. For many different reasons. However, because of their culture once they let her ”in” they will protect her like if she was their own.

ghettobetty

Thank you so much @Mijita for all your information and advice. I am trying very hard no t to completely BLOW over my situation..... The really just need to get over it. My brother in law thinks he is going to find a akinny blonde hair blued eyed american girl with no kids..... even having a child himself..... Here in America good luck with that! LOL