Am I overreacting....I cant stand part time dads

TayTay

I've been ignoring Kay's dad's phone calls. I would never keep him from Kay but I refuse to talk to him right now bc I'll go off. He has my mom's house n cell so if he wants to check on her for a change he can call my mom or stop by to see her. I've been ignoring him bc I can't stand a part time dad. I feel like if ur not gonna be there 100% y come around at all. He lives 15 min away n only calls once a week n comes to see Kay once a week (if even that). He only comes to see her n calls once a week bc he gives my mom money to keep Kay while I'm at work. He only does that bc I lied n told him I was giving her some money too. So he basically comes when it's convenient for him. He came to see her well over a week ago n told her he would be back n never came back (I know she doesnt understand but it makes me mad when he lies to her.) He says he cannot do what he should for her bc his job is cutting back on hours. I told him if he cannot be there financially be there physically n emotionally. He doesnt do that. He makes excuses y he doesn't come see her. It's funny how he doesn't have money but can go out of town. His priorities r all messed up. Everything comes before her. He doesn't even know her bday for goodness sakes. His parents r just as bad as him. They haven't seen my daughter since she was a month old. He has a son who he see's multiple times a week n would buy him the world. I think he is more involved in his life bc his son's mom harasses him n I refuse to do that. Everything I do for Kay I do it with a smile on my face bc it's for her n she didnt ask to be here. The only person I put before Kay is God. I just wish it was like that with him. So am I overreacting by ignoring him? I've tried talking to him n he only improves for a week n then it's back to the way he's been.

Sorry so long

ghettobetty

your not wrong for ignoring him.... my daughter Bella her father was doing things like that but I saw 0 money ... . setting up visitation was getting worse and worse! I didn't nag him or bug him. but I continued to watch my little girl get hurt over Ans over..... so I made the decision for Bella's sake that if her father wants to see her he can go to court and file visitation and let the judgde deal with him! now he's disappeared just saw him yesterday in court but he hasn't seen Bella in 2 years..... since I made the decision Bella has done 100% better! him hurting her was just doing damage and it killed me to have to cut him off like that but it was for the best! he needs to grow up and take responsibility for his daughter or stay away cause being a part time dad was hurting Bella more then him being gone.

TayTay

Thanks for responding @ghettobetty I just want to protect my daughter in every way possible. He called yesterday bc that's the day he brings my mom money but hasnt tried callin yet today n I know when I do tlk to him he is goin to turn everything on me. He's never wrong.

ghettobetty

that's exactly why I told my bd to tell the judge cause I'm sick of arguing ..... I reached my breaking point with him perhaps u will too eventually. protect ur baby she's number 1 .

TayTay

Yeah ur right. He's going to need her way before she needs him bc my lo is going to be taking care of regardless if he's there or not.
@ghettobetty

ashley_smashley

I agree with @ghettobetty ! Don't mess with that crap! As long as you have your daughter at heart it will be fine!

ghettobetty

its tough I know.....

TayTay

@ashley_smashley thanks girl. It's a shame. His mom is just as bad. His mom came to Kay's doc appointment when she was a month...well she didnt come in the room with me she decided to sit in the waiting room so I was thinking what was the point of coming. So when we were done seeing the doc she tells me I was trying to come back there but I couldn't remember ur last name (which is her granddaughter's last name) n says I asked which room Kaylin was in but they didn't know. I wanted to say maybe bc her name is Kayden u stupid b***h!

ghettobetty

oh I cut his family off too..... they were a part time family as well and actually Bella would scream n cry at 4 years old even she didn't wanna see them.

TayTay

She doesnt see them. His parents don't call. The last time I heard from his mom was when she called to act as if she was checking on us but only wanted Kay's peditrician's info bc he granddaughter was prego. @ghettobetty

second_time_mommy7

Absolutely not, I grew up in a "broken" family my father only came around when my mom made him. Personally I will never do that. I told my oldest child's father you are full time or zero time when we split and I have completely stuck to my word on it. His father is not in his life and my husband is daddy to him. I remember growing up and my mom would force my dad to have a relationship with us, he would say he didn't have food so he couldn't get us so she would show up at his door with groceries for the weekend, my brother and I. He would always pretend like he was happy to have us but we knew we were a burden to him. He would tell me he would be at my soccer games I remember telling my friends he would be there and then I would look over to only see my mom and grandma. I remember wishing he didn't exist, so I wouldnt have to always feel let down. I remember crying myslef to sleep wondering why he didn't love me. The sad thing is he remarried and he still to this day treats his wifes kids/grand kids better then his own. I will tell you, be prepared to be blamed. When I was about 12 I started to blame my mom for everything. She didn't remarry until I was 16 because she wanted to focus on my brother and I. Well I honestly wish she would have found me a daddy while I was young and still needed one. When she remarried I was basically raised and her husband tried to be my father. I ended up moving in with my dad until I seen his true colors. He wanted the social security check I received from him being disabled. So I moved with my grandma. I now see the full picture and no longer blame my mom. I have a almost non existing relationship with my father. My point is don't set your daughter up for heart break. What you are doing is not wrong in any way. Eventually you will be blamed, make sure you prepare for that and have the TRUTH (remember to leave out the he is a f'n deadbeat lol) ready for your daughter when she starts asking questions so it will not ruin your relationship. If you find a good man don't hesitate to "give your daughter a father". I wanted sooo bad to have a male figure in my life. I am forever emotionally scared. I have a great husband that I cannot trust because the only man I knew always let me down. If you have any questions or wanna talk I'm here, don't hesitate! Good luck hun

captivated

I think it's a SLIGHT overreaction. The situation definitely is a shitty one, though. I don't believe in ever forcing someone to be a parent, so I agree with you on that one. However, any attempt he makes to contact you or your child, despite your feelings toward him, I would not refuse.

TayTay

@second_time_mommy7 when I read ur comment it almost mad tears come to my eyes bc when I was younger all I heard was broken promises from my dad n now that's how Kay is being treated. I put a post up not too long ago asking for advice on how to break the cycle bc I dont want kay to go through what i've gone through. I'm seriously considering going to counseling bc I have trust issues n when I do trust it's the wrong person

ghettobetty

There comes a time you have to refuse I.E. my bd wanted me to drop Bella st my sisters and he would pick up up..... I wasn't allowed to know where he lived ...... Mind you I've never showed up at his house uninvited or causing trouble that's not me . That's when I reached my breaking point and said go to court see if they let ur keep ur address a secret .... Lol the judge just yesterday made him announce his address to the court . The judge is the mediator and don't let these assholes get away with the bs. My bd Also told me he won't take Bella on the weekends only weekdays cause I will be out whoring around .... I would love to see him tell the judge that . Sometimes refusing contact is in the best interest of the child .

TayTay

@captivated he can contact her all he wants. im just not going to deal with him. He knows where she is n both of my mother's numbers.

second_time_mommy7

I have been through counseling, I stopped going because I didn't feel it was helping me, I can tell you once you find the right guy you will eventually learn to trust. I have come a long way. You will also need to find a guy who is willing to work through it with you and understand your full situation. I found love in a male friend. We got to know each other on a friend (tell all) level before we started dating. He knew everything about me and was willing to work through all of it with me. As far as your daughter I would let him go to court for visitation rights and stick to those arrangements. Go file for child support and then go file for custody. In my case my bd didn't show up for the custody hearing. Let him know what the court says is what he gets, nothing more nothing less. You can avoid some broken promises by that alone. If he doesn't stick with the arrangements take him back to court. That was my plan, my bd just never showed up for court. But I honestly think it was best that way, my child has a father. Just not his biological father. You just need to find a good man that will help you heal and be the man you and your daughter need! When you are ready to move on, of course:)

TayTay

@bexiewexie thanks hun!

TayTay

@second_time_mommy7 where r u lol...i wanted to update u a lil on what's happenrd since I posted this the other day

BabyBubba123111

Sorry to say but he will not change unless hes ready. No matter how much you may say or do. Nothing will change unless hes full and ready. Elisha's dad has been sometimish since she was born. Ive tried so much and made things so easy for him at one point by dropping her off and picking her back up but nothing changed. Now 9 years later he is still the same way. Last year she said "Mommy, I dont like my dad" I said why? She said "Because he only sees me for, my birthday and Christmas." It broke, my heart but she's right. Its gotten to the point where now I give him the run around when he wants to see her. Its up to me to protect her. So thats what im doing now. Youre not going to see her when its convenient for you smh. She doesnt even like talking to him on the phone anymore. Children are smart. Hopefully this wont be the case for your daughter. I know i began to ramble on. But my message is, its up to you to protect your child. Im not telling you how to handle it. But just use your better judgement. You dont want this to affect her negatively in the future.

second_time_mommy7

@taytay I'm here hun! Update away!!!

TayTay

@babybubba123111 u r absolutely right....u can't make someone change if they dont want to. I make things too easy for him as well. my mom told me he came to see Kay today (really to bring my mom the money he owed her) n that kay whined the whole time he held her n was lookinh at her like "nana who is this man holding me? save me!"

TayTay

@second_time_mommy7 ok so I put him on the block list where it goes straight to my vm he only called one day about 3 times but didnt leave a msg. I decided to call him back to see what he had to say n all he said was "did u see me calling u? Im coming by tomorrow. How is kay?" I was really short with him n gave him one word answers. I wanted him to come over so we could talk n I could tell him how I felt. Well that day I talked to him I happen to see him getting his car detailed...like wtf ur too busy to come see ur daughter but u have time to get ur car cleaned (just fyi he is driving a 2012 charger on 26" rims but cant give me anything for kay. Oh n he got the car after I had her) anyways the nxt day comes no call no txt no show. The same thing the day afer n today he finally shows up n has the nerve to tell my mom everytime he calls I dont answer but he will be back nxt week to bring her some money n to see kay. I really want to tell him not to come. He probably wont anyways. My mom said the whole time he held kayden she whined bc she didnt want him.

*sorry so long...i know i'm rambling. he makes me sick!

second_time_mommy7

@taytay did you even get to talk to him when he came by, or did he just tell your mom? And today did he give her any $? Girl it sounds to me like you need to go file for child support. That pisses me off, mom sacrificing so much while dad rides around in a brand new car, not a care in the world. Ugh not to mention the fact that he is more worried about keeping his car cleaned then providing for his daughter both financially and emotionally. Tell momma next time he says you won't answer his calls, tell him "she said she is done hearing your bullshit excuses:)" he sounds just like my bd, he wants his cake and eat it too. Haha not, he is ready to play hardball. It's almost like he is avoiding you but getting mad that you are doing the same. Does he have a new girl?

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

TayTay

@armahnismommy its a shame u think u know someone when u really don't. This fool always said he wanted me to have his little girl n when I did he acts like this smh
@second_time_mommy7 no I didnt tlk to him. He only gives my daughter about 30 min of his time n then he's gone, smh. N I think he maybe talking to someone else bc of how he's acting.

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

TayTay

@armahnismommy girl please....support her? Ugh, no...smh! if I ask him for something (which I shouldnt have to, he should just get it) he will do it bc he's afraid of child support but all I seriously want him to do is be there for his daughter

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

TayTay

@armahnismommy I plan on talking to him but I really getting tired of talkin. When I talk to him he improves for a week n then it's back to his ways

newmomma13

That nigga need a beat down so he can wake up and realize that he has something really special and more important then a damn car

TayTay

@newmomma13 exactly!