i just don't know

trixiesmom8

So today has been one of the hardest days we've had in a long time. I'm just so tired, upset, mad and hurt I can't even think straight. My entire world is my hubby and my daughter, I can't imagine life without them. Today all hubby and I have done is fight and its wearing me down. I am so hormonal its crazy. I blow up about every little thing and I dont know why, I feel like I can't control it. Hubby is questioning if I even love him anymore. It hurts me to have him even think that but I look back and now realize I haven't done shit to show him I care about him in a long time. I have absolutely no sex drive which kills me cause tmi we use to be like rabbits when we first got together. I don't know what depression feels like but I dont feel like I am, I just feel stuck, I feel like I am bitchy and hormonal all the time and that's not fair to my hubby or my lo. It just sucks a lot! I mentioned him helping out more and that just pissed him off more..so now i don't know what to say. :-(

trixiesmom8

Sorry so long ladies just needed to get it off my chest.

captivated

Everything you have stated above are the classic symptoms of depression. I have struggled with it my entire life and desire to become a psych nurse when I graduate school next month. It is of huge interest to me. There's nothing wrong with having some depression! It is totally normal hun. First off, I think you need to be seen or at least have a therapist to talk with. Just talking can help immensely! Maybe couples therapy as well? If not, you need to show and express to hubby just how much you DO love and appreciate him. Maybe you feel like you do already? But maybe he doesn't see it.

Depression is usually the major cause of depressed libido. Sex is a major part of a relationship and this could be the reason hubby is questioning your love. Maybe the way you show your love to him is not the way that he needs? You need to evaluate what makes him feel good. Talk it out with him.

When you said you talked to him about helping you out, maybe you should try a different approach and ask him what he would like you to do for him. What would help him out with daily family life. Then go on to express what would be beneficial to you as well. Explain to him what would put you in a better mood, what would make your life easier!

I hope things get better soon!

trixiesmom8

Thanks so much @captivated

captivated

No problem! You had said that you had confronted him about what you need and he got upset. This happens to me ALL the time! One day I was in the smoke pit at school with a classmate telling her about my relationship problems, and she said something that had me totally flabbergasted. Let me see if I can sum it up? I kind of started up above!

We have certain things that make us feel loved and wanted. Oftentimes, we use these ways to express our love and commitment. The problem comes in with the fact that everyone NEEDS different things! While you may show your love in a way that you would want, he may need it expressed differently.

For example, cleaning is a huge deal to me in the house. My fiance says he feels unappreciated which shocked me because I thought I showed him how appreciated he was. I would clean up after him and hang up his clothes, etc. But those things weren't important to him. He wanted an occasional meal, for me to literally TELL him how much I appreciate him.

I need physical touch- hugging, holding, kiss etc to make me feel wanted. He would be so physically distant and then not get why I felt lonely. He pays all the bills since I was in school, does all the work on my car, etc etc. That was his way of showing it to me! Lmao. That's not what I NEED.

So we sat down and explained to the other how we need to feel and how that should be done. It's helped alot!

trixiesmom8

Yes I think we need to sit down and just talk. The sucky part is the only times we've been able to spend time together is after we fight with lo to go down for bed, we eat dinner, which ends up being late, and then I pass out on the couch. We haven't had an actual adult conversation in like a week it feels like so that is also our problem @captivated

captivated

Yep. You guys just need to rejuvenate your relationship!

trixiesmom8

Yepp most definitely! @captivated thank you very much for your input.

skysma

One thing I always had a problem with is. Realize that most men not all but most show that they love u threw sex and I hate it so much sometimes I feel like kiss me on the forehead kiss my hand show me you love me without tryin to stick it in but as hard as it is try ur best to have sex even tho at times u don't want it try and have it with him and work on YOURSELF u can never change the next persn only urself its an extremy hard thing to figure out but that is one thing that has helped me just a lil thought :-) I'm sorry ur having such a hard timeII ve been in ur exact spot love hope it iiiti

skysma

I think the heat froze my phone lmao totally oxy moron lmao

trixiesmom8

@skysma I sometimes think smart phones are stupid lol but thank you for the advice.

skysma

I know whahahahaha I went thrw th same thing tho love its hard

YNVTish

Ok @trixiesmom8 ... You gotta shake it off before it destroys your relationship. It's all hormons but you HAVE TO learn how to recognize it and turn it off.

I think you should sit down with him and apologize like crazy. You NEED to get and keep him on your side and supporting you. Explain and beg for forgiveness.. EVEN IF YOU THINK IT'S NOT YOURS.

Get your house in order by stopping the arguing so YOU can have a piece of mind.

I feel for you.. I know its hard. Hang in there!

candy101

When asking him to help make sure you are asking and not nagging or telling him to do somehing. It gets me a lot more then if I were to tell arnold what to do. Or I make a list of things that need to get done and he does them wihout complaint. Try to catch urself and take a deep breath and let it go nine times out of ten couple argue over stupid stuff.
My husband needs me to say thank you or u did a good job.

tinka1326

This is a fantastic post... So much great advice. Things are actually going well for my fiance and I right now (no idea how or why lol) but this gives me a few ideas on how to battle some issues. I cant help much with the original question... But hang in there

dadof2n1togo

OK I know exactly how your partner feels as I am going through exactly the same situation as you with my wife. We have been having these troubles for over 6 months and firstly I want to say this to you:

Congratulations on admitting there is something wrong and wanting to do something about it.

I have tried all sorts to reconnect with my wife and at this stage have failed in every attempt because she doesn't want to see the problems I believe. I have tried talking and have tried giving her space and time to herself without the kids etc but no change. Her main argument is always that she is tired, unfortunately with my work there isn't much I can help with there but am retiring in 7 days from the police force and there is my sacrifice for her and the kids.

Recently I reached out to a female friend and asked for some help and honest advice after laying out all I could of my troubles. She lent me a book called The five love languages (or something). I have now read this many times and try to use some of its advice. I recommend trying to find it and have a look.

Sorry so long but feel free to ask any questions you have because I know how frustrating it can be.
Michael.

trixiesmom8

@ynvtish oh I did! I pretty much was in tears telling him how sorry I was last night.
@candy101 I do tell him thank you. I tell him at least a few times..I also say please too.
@tinka1326 yes it is. I hope this helps you as much as it has helped me.
@dadof2n1togo thank you very much. We talked last night for hours, it helped a lot. We both said things that have needed to be said for a while now.

dadof2n1togo

That's good to hear.

RedShadoe0

What @captivated was talking about is the 7 love languages or something. There's a book... Like me, showing me you love me is DOING things for me. Not gifts or sex or words. My hubby is touch... He needs to be touched and told he's loved.

natashalynn

I was going to suggest that book as well. The seven love languages. It is so helpful. I show love by doing things. Making his lunch, washing clothes, he is touch. It can make things hard, but understanding how you accept and give love is huge in a relationship, not just in a sexual type one, but with family & friends as well.

trixiesmom8

@redshadoe0 & @natshalynn I think most guys are touch. It's just when I have worked, cleaned the house, and taken care of our almost 7 month old, all in one day, I am just to tired to "touch". But we had a nice discussion last night and ended up making up;-) our dd went to sleep early so we had a good amount of adult time.

dadof2n1togo

Book is the called The five love languages by Gary Chapman.

trixiesmom8

Ok thanks @dadof2n1togo