When to call it quits?

mrsdavis

So here is a little background on my "situation:" So hubby & I are both in the military, we met in 2009 in Korea. When our year was up we both went to seperate duty stations (him, texas & me, georgia). We decided to get married December 2010 & shortly after we found out I was pregnant. So I went through my whole pregnancy without him & to make it worst he deployed to Iraq & missed the birth of our son. I have been raising our son by myself for the past 10 months & I don't regret any of it. Hubby is suppose to be here permanantly in November. Distance has played a huge factor in our marriage & it seems like we are always fussing about crazy things. Right now the way how I feel is that I cannot do this anymore. I just want out, I love him but I am not in love with him like I use to. My feelings changed for him when I realized it's not me, it's him. I had to snap out of that "my world revolves around my husband" deal & come back to reality. He doesn't understand that I can't trust him anymore (found emails between him & another female while he was deployed the day after he left from spending 20 days at home with our newborn son) and that my heart is truely broken. I have tried all I could and now I'm just tired of being fake and I just have this "I don't care" attitude going. PREGGLIES WHAT DO I DO? WHEN TO CALL IT QUITS?

CANT_WAIT93

I think u fell out of love cause you dont see him. And the same for him. Why dont you sit down n talk to him n see how he is seeing things. Cause you have to think about it what if its just not you that feels that way. What if he is going thru the same thing? Sit down n ask him if he thinks its worth holding on or is time to just let go. Cause im pretty sure u dont want to get the point that you hate him and end it like that.

clope18

Those emails would've been enough for me to leave...I know long distance relationships are hard, that's something that isn't for everybody. But if you're not in love with him anymore, that's a problem..I would leave. have you talked to him about any of this yet?

MorgDeeBee

I know how you feel hun. I married my hubby in 09 he was stationed in cali and I lived back home in AZ. The whole time I thought I was gonna move out here right after the wedding and it didn't happen. That year we got preggo, found out we lost the baby and he depoyed 2months early. I felt that whole deployment like you are feeling now. After that deployment I decided to move out here with him and thing are much better now. I was so used to not having him there that I was starting to feel like I wasn't even married.

Do you think being away from each other for so long has you starting to feel like this? Do you think things might change when he is out there with you guys?

lilbit01_209

Military relationships are hard. My hubby was not there for 2 1/2 years of our daughters life pretty much. (Germany, field exercises, 15m in Iraq) and we didnt have an anniversary till our 3rd year. Its damn hard... Push for the support the military has. Most people bitch about how horrible the military is but if you put your foot down and say this is what we need/ I want they can find a way. Try counseling, talk to a pastor/chaplein or someone. Talk to your husband. Things change in that long of time. I went from a 22 year old party girl to a 25 year old mother in the time he was gone and he had to adjust and so did I. It can be worth the effort if you are willing to put the effort into it.

[Deleted User]

Its probably just the distance and the fact that he's been gone for all of the important moments...I would wait until he comes to where u are and then see how feel. At the same time, everyone deserves to be happy and it sounds like you're not so take whatever actions that u have to, to be happy!

mmy21nttc

I would see how it goes once you are together and if you still feel that way throw your cards in.

jules

I agree with the others I think the distance has a lot to do with it and it's something you two needs to talk about. See how he feels as well. But also keep in mind that none of us know what you read in those emails and I know everyone is different when it comes to these things of they feel lied to or cheated on emotionally or physically some can move on from that and pretty much start over but many people can't and that can be a big part in your feelings towards him. I would talk with him and as cheese as it sounds but maybe make a list kinda of likes vs dislikes and with me personally that would help me see if I just miss him to the point of "hate" or do you really think that you two are just not meant to be. Good luck and let me know how it goes. Hopefully any of this helps I was in a long distance and it was useful thins to do.

captivated

I don't think marriage is something that should be given up on easily. I know the emails must have hurt, but you have to realize that the distance is likely the huge factor- like you said. We as humans have needs. It doesn't make it right at all, but I can definitely see it from his standpoint. I would seriously consider waiting it out. You've gone all this time already and it is only a few more months until he is with you. Give it a chance. Attend therapy- individual and couples. See if the feelings return. If not, then call it quits. I hope everything works out for you two!

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

Aubreysmommy

I hope everything works out for the best hun. Long distant relationships are hard. When he gets home try to reconect with him go on dates go to couples threapy and try and relight those feelings. You are the onlyone that can make that dession though no one can for you.

captivated

True @armahnismommy. However, many people in these situations have the fantasy in their head when it begins that "love" is enough. That it can work etc etc. The reality is that with so much time apart, one party is likely going to stray because of the need of that physical affection that is lacking. It doesn't necessarily mean that that person loves their partner any less. I just think they should try to work it out. It's only a few more months!

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.