with a rough weekend, i need opinions.

devins_mommy

alright, so some may know the problems iv had with my hubby this weekend. and its only getting worse, and im afraid im going to lose him forever if i dont take action.

so what i need is votes, if you will.
basically.. i know my family means well. but tonight when my mom "Tryed to talk to him" it only blew up in our faces. and i know my fam only wants whats best for me. but by butting into my relationship clearly isnt helping. and iv told them. i can figure it out without them. im glad their there for me. but i need to figure it out.

and my boyfriend side is he wans us to figure our relationship by ourselfs, which i compleatly understand. but he wants to move out and get our own place. but we havnt saved up money. and the last time we jumped and moved out we failed. im just scared of failing again, and im not working yet (im trying hard, i finished my class so im not a certified teacher, i just have to send for my transcript and get a job).

so idk what side to go on.. i want my little family togeather, and i know whatever i choose someones gunna get hurt.. ughhh :-? :-((

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YNVTish

Sounds like you need go quick.. I think you should move but also speak to your family and ask them to be there for you incase you need a place to fall back on and go.

devins_mommy

@Mom2ING i agree, i respect my family and how there helping us, but he thinks there lecturing him and butting in. which they are..but idk.
the last time we moved out before we were ready and i wasnt working, we got behind on rent, and most utilitys and it was a burden on him finanacaly. im so confused. im trying to give him space, and hes working.

he also doesnt see all that my family has done for him. after all the times hes screwed up and hurt me. and all the fights theyv gotten into and my parents forgave him.

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[Deleted User]

It's hard to give advice is he a good man? Has he cheated/mistreated? When it comes to family watching their girls get with men that act/treat them like crap its hard for them to watch.
I ask bc we have thatproblem with my sister. She has no standards at all if they don't work, bring other women into her house while she works then u better bet she will hook up with him. Oh and call her out and she will give up her family for low life crap.

If he is a good guy then he should understand that his well being is not the only one at risk, and he needs to suck it up and do what he has to for his family. After kids it is not about what u want but what u have to do. Good luck

devins_mommy

@Mama_Kat where i live, the housing you need to be on a list, and its a 2 year waiting list :-( i should of applyed when i was pregnant, but i never got around to doing it.
& @Char he is a good man. i mean, when were broke the like 6 months ago he started hanging out with his old friends who were girls. but when we got back togeather, he told them all that he couldnt hang out because he wants to fix our relationship and his family. and i know he hasnt talk to em cuz i staked his phone/fb. and hes been working 2 jobs.

and its so hard to give him space and time to breath because i dont want him to go back to those girls.. and hes right down the street working. ugh. :-(

dadof2n1togo

I agree with what he is probably feeling as my in laws do the same to me.

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natashalynn

So I was in the same boat as you. Lived with my parents, with my bf and our daughter. It was so hard at times, and lots if times he wanted to just go. But we set a firm date of when we wanted to move by, and set guidelines with my parents. If they want to help, we appreciate it, but it doesn't give them full reign over us. Because we knew when we wanted to move by and how much money we needed, we were able to save up enough money to buy a house, and moved one year two weeks after moving in.(our goal was one year, but it was a new house & it took time to build!) But what I'm saying us, he (& I!!) Had a light at the end if the tunnel. He may feel trapped right now, I know my boyfriend did, so by providing him with some assurance that this is bot permanent he may be easier to deal with.
Yes you're your own family, so you need to have boundaries, and time for just you. But think of it this way, its not easy on your parents either!! They're trying to help you get ahead in the world for good, set you up for success!! Take the help! It may he hard short term, but long term, you'll be so appreciative.

devins_mommy

i just wanna text him and ask if he wants to go out some night just us, have a fun night like we use to.. but i dont think he'll answer me. i havnt talked to him since like 630.i hate how stubborn he is!

devins_mommy

he knew when we moved in that is wasnt going to be a long time. we were supost to already be saving, but things come up and things we need to buy. and he is so stubborn and doesn like being wrong, or told that hes wrong, and wont admit it. he is so difficult lol. iv told him, i feel like i have two babies. and that is not okay. im sick of him playing the victom, because he doesnt think hes wrong. @natashalynn

natashalynn

Ah that's tough. If he's proud, living with them is probably hurting his ego..

devins_mommy

@natashalynn i think thats the problem. before we moved out the first time, he said that he wants to try to live on our own. even if we fall on our face, it was worth it. and hes been on his own for 2 1/2 years so.. i know hes stressed about money because iv been out of work for a little over a year. and i can only imagine how stressed he is. i guess everything elce thats going on doesnt help. i wish hed talk to me before it gets to this point when things blow up, and he walks out.

devins_mommy

a break threw?! ahhh so i asked my brother if hed go talk to my boyfriend. and this is what he said " he said he was wrong and that he shouldnt of called my moms friend that word (he called her the C word) he feels bad about that. he said he wasnt going to argue with you (meaning me, i think) cuz you (me) didnt do anything. also that he is going to talk to everyone and apologize for what he did" i honestly hope he means that, and doesnt put off apologizing. i cant stand it when im put in the position to pick sides, and its usually his side i choose.

@Mama_Kat
@Mom2ING
@natashalynn
@dadof2n1togo
@RileyAndMe

dadof2n1togo

OK as a guy I can tell you none of us ever like admitting we are wrong lol. Shit I feel trapped just going to the in laws every Wednesday for tea lol.

SalasMommy

Imo I'm going to go out on a limb here and say he is right to a certain extent you him and ur baby are a family that means no one else. If he wants to move out I think that is great your parents have to understand that they can't make decisions for YOUR family its nice that they help out and you should show ur appreciation as he too but when its all said an done he is ur family. It may be hard to get detached but its for the best. My mom hasn't always seen eye to eye in what I feel but I've told her he is my husband I love him and that's that. She helps us out. She doesn't get in our buisness and acts loving and understanding towards us. Hell I think she takes his side a lot lol. Try to talk to him about how you guys are gonna make it I mean he too has to thibk realistically. Make a plan

SalasMommy

And about ur parents forgiving him. I know they hurt when you hurt but its you who has to forgive him not them. Married couples argue and if parents are always getting in the middle it doesn't help at all. Coyples hurt each other its just normal but I mean when its all said and done you know you don't mean those things. Me and my hubby have been through hell and back and my mom step dad and my dad call him son and tell him they love him. Anytime we need something they r there n wen they need we are that's what family is supposed to do help eacch other out. I hope it works out hun talk to ur parent tell them u love them and u will sre it'll be ok

RTMommy

Absolutely agree with @Mom2ING and @SalasMommy.

This is coming from a good place, so I hope you don't take offense...that being said:

I'm going to be just a little more tough than the other ladies and say put on your big girl pants and tell your family you love them and appreciate them, but they need to stay out of your relationship. The more people you involve, the worse it will be. Family is always going to choose their own, and he is being made to feel like an outsider in his own home (even if you guys live with your parents, it's still his home). I know finances are difficult, but moving out would be the healthiest thing for your family. You can depend on each other, and even if you fail, it's together. Stop discussing your relationship with family and start discussing it with him. You two are the only ones who can make it better. Good luck.

SalasMommy

@rtmommy well said

So talk to him tell him I understand how you feel you feel trapped and like you don't belong I want us to have our own place and our family I'm going to talk to my parents about us leaving. Its about we start doing things the way they should be done I'm sorry if I've made you feel misplaced I love you and anything else but u get the point. You are at fault for making him feel that way you talk to him not ur brother, cousin, best friends sisters babys daddy friend. Just u. As for that thing about the c word that's not the biggest issue here trust me

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devins_mommy

That's the thing, I want and has told my family to butt the beck out. They just don't seem to grasp the concept. That's what they do, there nosy and can't mind there own business. And I get what @Mom2ING & @RTMommy & @SalasMommy I'm sure he does feel lost and no welcomed, but he's not compleatly innocent, he brings most of that on himself. He didnt have to blow up like he did. But either way, I get it. We need to move out. I just don't want to fail a second time. And dissapoint my son u know?

starrxoxo9

Sometimes you just gotta dive in head first and hope for the best. Make sure you leave on good terms in case you ever have to go back.

RTMommy

No one is ever completely innocent. But your bf feels like he's got you to try to get along with and whoever else lives in the house with you guys. It's like 5 against one or something. Like @starrxoxo9 said, just gotta go for it.

devins_mommy

@RTMommy i know what your saying.
i guess im also scared that if we do move out, itll turn out the way it use to be. with his friends hanging at my house till 12:30/1 oclock, and them hanging out at my house when no ones homes with the gfs. if we do move out, there needs to be rules. because i wasnt comfertable in my own home...
...ahhh am i bitching again lol!

Jazzie

Your not bitching yall do need to have some rules cause its your place to. People don't need to being hanging around like it's the hang out spot and taking advantage of yall. Yall need yall privacy to. And yall have a kid. People use to come over here and play the game and spend the night but once my daughter was born all that late night stuff stopped. Your the lady of the house and you need to feel comfortable in your own home.

starrxoxo9

Put your foot down. If you get your own place, that's your home, not a frat house. Ya know, I think you two need to have a serious talk about respect before you make any decisions. It sounds like he's still trying to live the young single life. 21 or not, he's a father now. It's time to grow up!!