round 2 of chemo under way and

dadof2n1togo

I just asked my nurse to kill me with morphine lol. My mil brought me down and is annoying the absolute crap out of me lol. I have been hooked up to the drip for an hour and still have 3 to go so I'm a prisoner lol.

She has asked me a few times if things are OK with me and kylie (wife) lol. As I answered her I wouldn't have a clue as we don't talk or anything anymore. I am trying to not think about it because I am pretty certain I am heading for separation soon. I told her all this and she went to get herself a coffee etc so I have had a chance to just lose it in private.

Well here's to a long 3 hours and then an agonising drive home with the mil again.

Aubreysmommy

I am sorry hun. I hope your 3 hours fly by fast

Mallory27

Take a nap! Sorry to hear about the situation with your wife and sorry your MIL had to drive you..

sands3

Believe me I know mother in laws are a pain but they usually mean well. Take a nap for those 3 hours that way she can't talk to you anymore for now. I don't know what to tell you about the ride home. I'm sorry too about your situation with your wife. I'm about to be separated too

mommyof3girls

Hang in there. Hope all goes well. Man, chemo and a awkward mil situation... Not sure which is worse. Just kidding... U'll pull thru. i'd take a nap or at least pretend to take a nap.

dadof2n1togo

@sands @mommyof3girls @Mallory27
New way to silence mil spend 35 minutes with head in a bucket lol.

mommyof3girls

Oh no

dadof2n1togo

Is all good now they gave me some nausea meds via injection since couldn't keep them down last time lol. @mommyof3girls

dadof2n1togo

Just had a 4hr snooze on the lounge and am sure I only woke up because meds wore off lol. Not feeling quite as bad as last week but I think that was more painful with port being put in etc.

OK here's the fun bit. I know have to keep a complete log of everything I eat as I have lost too much weight ie 12kg in 2 weeks oops. I need to lose it but have to do so steadily. Bloods were a bit low on counts but OK for this week just may have to have a transfusion next week or so.

littlenat86

Glad you aren't feeling quite so rough! Sorry you have had such an awful time with your mil though, that can't have been easy

dadof2n1togo

@littlenat86 since when is dealing with in laws supposed to be easy lol. I so felt like just saying your daughters a grumpy bitch who never wants sex lol. I'm feeling pretty crap now but that's probably cos we just had tea lol.

littlenat86

Yeah I'm not sure she would appreciate that lol! I get on with mine well but its hard when me and Stu have had a falling out and we are around them, sometimes you just want to say "Your son has been fucking horrible today because blah blah" but you cant! And it isn't their fault really anyway! Early night tonight? Hopefully it wears off soon

dadof2n1togo

@littlenat86 nope busy night as have big meetings tomorrow unfortunately. Bed soon though.

littlenat86

I can't believe you are still going to work, you are doing great! I could do with a nap, only 2.15 here though lol!

angel26

Goodluck. I hope this week isnt as hard on you. You are amazing. And im sorry about you and your wife.

dadof2n1togo

@littlenat86 am only going in for meeting today as can't reschedule it at all. Its 530am and I've been awake since about 3am lol so should be fun lol.

Thanks @angel26 am sure it will be probably as bad but hey that's my life at the moment lol.

SalasMommy

Omg I'm so sorry ur stuck with ur mil. But what is important is getting yourself better and healthy. Ill be praying for you

dadof2n1togo

Well today has really been a test for me. I have been awake since 1am and its now 1pm here. I can't sleep even though I'm exhausted every time I drift off I have the worst dreams. This is why I woke at 1am to start with I dreamt that I discovered my wife was leaving me and taking the kids. It has been similar dreams today which leave me so upset.

As for my actual situation with my wife I have pretty much come to the conclusion that we are basically over. There has been no communication and absolutely zero intimacy in weeks now. I have just realised I don't have the strength to fight anymore for anything. I have also just been put on antidepressants because I just can't cope anymore. I am not a religious person but everyone always says he will give you no more than you can handle. Well unfortunately its all piled to high and I can't keep going anymore its too much.

I will finish my treatment but then who knows because I really don't. I already feel so empty like I've lost everything. I mean I've already lost my heart with my wife and if we separate then I lose my kids and the rest of what keeps me going. How do I continue after being with her for 14yrs if we split?

Sorry so long I'm just so down today.

jules

I am so sorry all of this is going on. It sounds like as far as treatment your body did better this week or maybe your kinda getting used it. Either way I am happy for you and proud of you. But as far as your wife I really thought that she would have this time to be by your side more I know I would if I was in her shoes no matter the situation. You have to listen to your heart but at the same time I know when it comes to your children later on you would be proud of yourself for not being the one to give up and pull the plug. Honestly I think it's time to tell her exactly what you are feeling and thinking right to the point and just flat out ask her despite the medical situation right now. Because you can't think that way when it comes to relationships but ask her where does she see you two in next two or maybe even one year? Where does she see the family? I just know for me it's healthy to always have a goal with things in my life that way I never get to a place where I feel like there is nothing.

dadof2n1togo

Thanks @jules and believe me I have tried talking till I'm blue in the face. I honestly just can't continue trying anymore at the moment everything has just got too much for me. I took the kids to daycare and school first time in ages by myself. Got back in the car and just totally broke down and feel empty inside now. I know thedepression iisn't helping me at all but I just can't do this all anymore. I still love her so much and want to be with her for the rest of my life but am really starting hate myself for letting things get this way if that even makes sense.

My2Boys

Im still rooting for you and the wife to make it work, I really don't feel it is over. Obviously, only you know if it really is, but im hoping it is not. Maybe you guys can just keep the situation as it is until your chemotherapy is over and your healing and then try to spice things up again, it may just be a big bump in the road. I feel if you guys separated now it would be bad timing and you would just have mixed emotions and feels that would be bad for your health. Maybe your wife feels very guilty about how she has treated you and now doesn't know how to be there for you while your sick. I don't think she wants it to be over, otherwise she wouldn't be sticking around during all of this.

dadof2n1togo

@My2Boys thanks and yeah don't really know lol. So today I am going to go out and do retail therapy and spend a shit load of money lol

My2Boys

If it makes you feel better then go for it!