how big of a roll does sex play in your relstionship

tinka1326

I'm asking because my sex life has become almost non existent. We were only together 4 months before I found out was pregnant so still in the honeymoon fase. Things naturally eased off from 2-4 times daily to 3-4 times a week and towards the end of pregnancy 1-2 times a week. After our daughter was born I was healed enough after 2 weeks to resume our sex life gently (baby is now 9months)... since then his interest has declined to once a week if I'm lucky and because its so long between it lasts no more than 5 minutes if I'm lucky. I have always had a big sex drive and he its aware of this. Everything else in our relationship is in a good place we are both happy and hardly fighting anymore. He uses the excuse he is tired 99% of the time and I know he is but I feel he should be making more of an effort. I guess I'm also confused because when we met he told me his ex would only want sex every 4-6 weeks and he was always frustrated, upset about it. Have tried talking to him about it and that usually ends up in sex at some point in the following 48 hours... but that's it... I'm left feeling hurt, rejected, unattractive and unwanted and it's starting to reflect on my moods towards him because I feel like crap. Thank you for reading my loooong vent... just don't know what to do to fix this

SalasMommy

Well sex plays a big part in our relationship but the reality of it is when you have kids and responsibilities you have to kind of push it aside. There was times when my hubby and I would do it once a week. Usually if baby was sick or he was having a really tough week at work. I am exhausted at the end of the day. But I try to make it to where he is super comfortable clothes and towel are ready when he is the shower. Food is made baby is bathed fed drinking a bottle ready to sleep, and of course I took a shower and have done whatever it is I need to do to relax read a book etc. This helps us a lot. We are both relaxed and ready for play time in bed. Keeping the sex going after a baby is hard. But u can't try to force it it will feel like a pity smash lol.

captivated

I've just gone through the same thing. His stress and exhaustion made our sex life non existent. It left me feeling worthless honestly.

We have four kids together and had sex daily. Kids is really not much of an excuse. Even when my son was a month old it was a daily thing. Often multiple times a day and we both had full time jobs.

The only thing that got us back on track was a LOT of fixing nyself up. realized i had fallen behind on it. Lots of sexy lingerie as well Now we are right back where we were!

tinka1326

That's exactly how I feel like he ends up doing it out of pity. He works split shifts so when he gets home I have usually just put the kids to bed so they aren't really an issue

tinka1326

@captivated last time I put on lingerie his response was... oh... you want THAT... I proceeded to go back to the bedroom and got back into my sweats... haven't bothered since. Being rejected is one thing... feeling not only rejected and embarrassed is totally another

captivated

That happened to me twice

Fate

I think sex is very important. Period. It's just not the same kind of relationship without it. It makes both people feel good.

Jess510

My boyfriend has gone through times when he had ZERO sex drive. This was because of his drug use we would have sex literaly once a month for 2 minutes. I've always had a large sex drive. However after I had my son and I had PPD I had ZERO sex drive. Now that our son is 9 months were now on the same page and we have sex once a day. We've been together 9 years so we have been through a lot of ups and downs.

dadof2n1togo

I hear yas. I've gotten it maybe once in last 12wks and that would be about 9wks ago easily.

tinka1326

I think quality is more important than quantity (other than cases like @dadof2n1togo that's just freakin shit) but even that seems to have gone. I was married before my current partner and were together a total of 7yrs and NEVER had a problem with how often just that he wasn't real interested in foreplay so I kinda ended up feeling like a blow up doll after a while lol
It's so hard because we are getting on so well right now apart from this issue and I don't always want to bring it up because then we fight

dra765

We've been together everyday for the past 2 yrs. Sex isn't too big right now. It was at first like 4 times a day omg so amazing! But after pregnancy mine eased up n I'm just barely getting it back(son is almost 10th months). Once a week for like 15

MyLove2

Well I don't think it's the most important thing in a relationship but I definitely think it's a good thing to have in a marriage when it comes to the bondage and closeness it brings and the satisfaction out of it can make a couple more happy in their relationships but if other points in a relationship arn't developing that well or if a couple is miserable in all the other fields of a relationship then I think sex wouldn't matter one way or another.. so it comes as a whole package...

tinka1326

@aishamusa I guess that's how I feel also. I just don't know how to keep my dissatisfaction in this area from spilling over and ruining the rest

MyLove2

Do you feel like you failed in all the other ways or just sexually towards him?

misskristin

I think it is important. It not only relieves stress, but it allows you and your partner to physically express and appreciate each other. Personally, I'm barely getting any and it makes me cranky. I wear makeup daily and do my hair most days, wear clothes he likes, am flirty, and do as much as I can for him so that he can relax...is it too much to ask for a little action?!

tinka1326

@aishamusa I have worked really hard to improve our relationship and do/not do the small things that drive him crazy. I'm very open in the bedroom and happy to try things within reason so it's not like I'm unwilling and boring. I feel the rest of our relationship though it's far from perfect is on the right track.

captivated

The bondage? @aishamusa

Put those fifty shades Down!!

tinka1326

Hahaha I thought the same thing!!! Just finished the last book yesterday!!! @captivated

Jessandjay

Oh gosh I would def let my boyfriend tie me up lol I love those books. @captivated

octobernewbie

Absolutely No sex since about 2-3 mos before my son was born and he is now 9 months so a year now :-< I have little to no drive but not sure what his real excuse is.. He says it's bc my son sleeps with me /:-)

octobernewbie

That was supposed to be /:-) not a smiley lol

octobernewbie

tinka1326

@octobernewbie just because lo sleeps with you doesn't mean you can't do the deed in other parts of the house..

YNVTish

I think it plays a big part but with saying this playing a big part has nothing to do with "frequency sex-capades" or getting down and dirty.

It's absolutely true that men go through a post partum stage and become exhausted easy. Not with over exertion but with simply being a part of a new routine.

Hang in there! Try and create moments for you guys.

This is common

octobernewbie

@tinka1326 I agree 100% I just don't complain to him about it bc I don't feel like doing anything anyways

tinka1326

@ynvtish this is not his first child between us we have 4 children. Our routine is no more busy than it was before. We have limited alone time and he would just rather sleep than have the intimacy etc

MyLove2

@captivated I mean the connection between the two individuals in the relationship..

dadof2n1togo

We had world war 3 argument this morning about it because I woke up in the most asshole mood lol. I have been a right prick all day but can't seemto

tinka1326

@dadof2n1togo do you think you achieved anything? Sometimes my partner and I need to have a big fight for us both to release our frustration and clear the air...

dadof2n1togo

@tinka1326 hell no I didn't achieve a damn thing lol other than feeling pissed off and guilty lol.

dadof2n1togo

@tinka1326 hell no I didn't achieve a damn thing lol other than feeling pissed off and guilty lol.