rambling, pointless vent
Can I just take a moment to say I hate my life? Like forreal. I am in a marriage with no feelings/love. 98% of the things my husband does pisses me off. We have no physical relationship, other than him trying to screw me while I sleep. I live in a town with NOTHING to do thats 2 hours away from my family. I have no friends, no one to talk to. My husband works nights so I'm alone all day long with our almost 10 months then alone at night. I sit in our house and play online poker and refresh pregly every 30 minutes. I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant with our 2nd child. I'm physically miserable. My ribs and pelvic bone feel like they could shatter at any moment all the time. I get no help from my husband. He does nothing for our kids but provide for them financially. He doesn't care that I'm miserably hurting, I still have to do everything myself. He cannot keep his head out of his phone and text messages. He isn't the only reason why I hate life, just part. I was a 5 sport athlete in high school, I was always busy doing something. I completed 3 years of college before getting married. Now I'm 22, mother of 2, not finished school, sitting at home alone all day long. I look back and see all the wrong choices I made to get to this point in my life. I don't regret my daughter, just everything else. If I don't get PPD after my son is born it'll be a miracle.
Comments
@kyliemommie thank you.
@mommyof3girls Yes I could definitely finish and I know I could find the time considering I don't do anything. I completed 2 years online so I know I could do the online classes. If all transitions go well after having my son in September then I'm hoping to start in January. No I don't want to stay in the marriage for anything other than the kids. I know that's no reason to stay, but I'd rather them have their dad around all the time than me being happy. I just want them happy. Thanks for responding, I try to keep all the sappy posts off of here, but I just had reached my limit yesterday.
@sands3 thank you! Have things turned around for you at all? How's the job search going?
@mom2ing oh im sorry you are dealing with this too. I'd never wish this life style on anyone. I also checked out a long time ago. If I told people some of the things that went on behind the scenes in my marriage no one would ever believe it. (no abuse or anything like that) at least it seems your husband is on the same page since he's on the couch, my husband doesn't even realize I'm not happy. He still acts like we are so happy and great. He still tries to cuddle and grab my ass and rub me even though he knows and I've asked him not to. He won't deal with the issues, just acts like everything is so perfect. When I say things like Im not happy he just says, it's your hormones. Ugh. Men.
@starrxoxo9 I completely agree and I know that'd be the best thing to do, but I always convince myself to stay.