hurt after four years & 2 kids

biancathebeauty

Hello everyone, I usually just read everyone's post...but I need advice and I need to vent. Okay, I was with my ex boyfriend for four years....we have a two and half year old daughter and I am pregnant with our second daughter. I am 32 weeks....well, he decides to leave us and go be in another relationship with a girl who has two kids (2 & 3). It hurts like hell to see him leave his family to go take care someone's else's kids. After four years and two kids. I am devastated bc I love him with all my heart, we were even talking about getting married soon...now I am left alone, a single mother of two, no job (he was supporting us), and I have to lie and tell my two year old that I don't know where her dad is when she ask bc it hurts to say he with someone else.....will I be wrong if I dont allow him in the delivery room or even keep the kids bc he lives with her?

vette_devil

Oh, honey I am so sorry to hear about this. I can only imagine what it would feel like. I have a 2 1/2 yr old girl, too, who would be devastated & I'm pregnant again as well.
All I can offer is to just not make any quick decisions out of anger. Take a few days to figure things out. I do think it is ok to keep him out of the delivery room if it will only stress you out more, and its perfectly natural to want full custody of the kids... but I would caution to not shut him out of their lives completely, because they haven't done anything wrong & love him, too. Good luck- love & hugs

biancathebeauty

@vette_devil thanks for ur advice and I won't shut him out their lives completely but they won't be allowed to spend the night or go over there, but he can come and see them....he was suppose to see our daughter today but I guess other things are more important....it hurts like hell....I never wanted a broken family.

vette_devil

I can't blame you- I think I would react in the same way if my hubby were to make that decision. I am so sorry to hear he bailed on your daughter like that. Just try to hang in there & be strong for your babies. I am always here, too, if you need someone to talk to.

biancathebeauty

Awww, thanks so much....I need this app....I am grateful for such away to vent and have other mothers who understand

roxanne

I feel for u as ive gone through samethin with my ex who im married to I was 15 wen we started seen each other we was together 9year he told Im 25 an 31w pregnant I found out january that hes havin a baby with this woman a month before I have my baby we both moved on me an our 2 sons dont see him an he dont bother ringin to see if they okay it was my lil boys birthday in jan an he ask me to ask him daddy if he could see him for hes b-day I was heart broken hes only 6y an dont really understand why hes daddyies not around no more I got him a card sayin best son an made it out it was frm him daddy I put £10 insid an got it delived by post I wil never tel him the truth as it would hurt him so much. I was broken hearted myself at first it felt like I couldnt go on livin with out him I cried every day he never left my head I even had dreams bout him but what hurt the most was thing that was goin round my mind day an night how he cuddle me in bed an nw hes cuddlin her lookin after her son she alot older than me shes 31 so I couldnt see what he seen in her as me been 24 at the time but its been 1y an 3m nw please try to believe me as u may think things arent goin to get any better for u trust me it will I cant wait to have my baby get back on my cambrige diet an show he what he had an what hes lost for good I knw my husband more than he knws him self an I knw when he sees me in september 4m after havin my baby he will regret hurtin me as hes goin to see im not that 15y old anymore I dont need him an the same will happen for for dont look at this as a bad thing look at this as its yur time to shine an trust me with all the plans u goin to have for yurslf u yur pain will start to go away slowly but it will I promise u I thought id die with out him but the pain the tears have made me stronger :-) take care of u an yur lil one they both need u more than ever before x x

roxanne

Hes alot older than me to hes 33 shes 31 an im 25

biancathebeauty

@roxanne while reading ur comment I bursted out into tears bc i think of him holding her at night as well....I just can't understand why men leave their family and go start/take care another household. I was willing to go to counseling and work on our problems but he still chose to stay where he is at. I don't know what I will say to my daughter when she is old enough to understand...I couldn't possibly tell my children that daddy left us to go take care another man's kids. It hurts everyday.....and him standing me up yesterday proves what type of man he is. He was suppose to see his daughter. But I guess she is no longer priority number one in his life. I hope that time heals my wounds and in a positive way bc I have a feeling that I am going to grow cold and bitter towards him. It's good to see that you are doing good after a year and three months....what helps you get through your days now? Do u still cry at night? When is ur due date? And I can't wait to graduate in may, get a job and be independent and prove to myself that I will be ok. I know there will be that day where these low life men will regret what they did or how they did it. I gave him all of me and he didn't appreciate it. He will learn.

Oh, and on flip side of things, what makes these women think that they are doing the right thing by taking these men from their families? He literally lives with her and everything, shouldn't he have moved on his own to see if that is what he really wanted? He just jumped from one relationship to another....oh well I guess I'm different

roxanne

Bless you I knw what your goin through it not a nice feelin at all. I do get my days were i.ll think bout the pain that I was in an to knw hes the one that made me go through it when I seen hin he.d be all smiles I couldnt understand why hes all smile an happy an me with tears an sad it hurt but as time went on I realise he was happy seen me sad knwin that I wanted him back when I realise this thats when I changed I do cry nw an the but only askin myself after 9ys together what made him so heartless towords me.ive made myself strong by makin myself believe hes not the only man out there they will never make it in to my heart like he did as he was my first love but I knw theres some man waitin to take care of me not hurt me an that will love me more than he did its hard to think that he didnt love me as much as I loved him it hurt as he was the one who tried hes hardest to have me. I had a boyfriend but he wouldnt give up I hate him nw to knw he taken me frm him just to hurt me 9y later. I will never forgive him he knws this I told him an he started cryin but I didnt feel bad as he made me to feel this way towords him I knw what yur goin through isnt goin to go over night not even months its goin to take a long time but try stay strong an if u do end up hatin hin he only has him self to blame just me as time gos on hes goin to look back an wish he want a different way bout it an wish he tried to work thing out first but by this time im hopin the pain an your tears are goin to make u stronger by then an u show him u dont need hin no more the only he will remember what gos around comes around an nw its hes time to feel the pain an cry those tears. An with hes how I see it she was single for a reason an her true colors will show soon hes goin to be like SHIT! What have I done. For nw tho remember u have a lil one in yur tummy an she feels what u feel take care

roxanne

Im due 2may:-) how long u got. an were you frm im in u.k x

biancathebeauty

@roxanne thanks so much for the words of encouragement.....u r right, I know my baby can feel the emotions and stress that I feel....its so hard sometimes to be happy. I just think about my two girls and wonder how their dad would just throw their family unity away without trying to save it. When he calls, he always seem to be on the defensive side and never has anything nice to say. He doesn't ask about the baby in my stomach and just ask about our two year old. That hurts. It's like he doesn't care about this unborn girl. I refuse to call him and ask him for anything....I'm not working and all I ask of him is to pay our rent so me and my kids can have a place to stay. But other than that i don't want anything from him. I'm due April 24th and Im in Ohio.

Mrsmaxi2010

Hi everyone not been on here before,just been reading your stories,I can relate to you I was left pregnant at 16,by the age of 23 I was a single mum of 3 as I was left pregnant every time.its the hardest job in the world raising children alone,I'm now married and expecting baby no 5 and Im only 25.scary!.it took of ages to be able to trust my husband and believe he wasn't going to leave.been left is so hurtful but it def makes you stronger.

jscrib4

I know exactly how you feel. My now ex husband left me after 10 years and 4 kids for the girl he had been cheating on me with behind my back. He got her pregnant and decided he would rather be with the new family instead of ours. I hadn't even finished high school and relied on him completely for support. He has only seen his kids a handful of times in the last year and a half and not at all since july. It hurts like hell to know that someone you cared for so much could just act like you don't exist but soon after us seperating I met my now husband and he is AMAZING. He is a great father to my 4 boys and my youngest (18 months) only knows my husband as his father. I have decided it is best to keep my ex out my children's lives cause he's a loser and we have someone a whole lot better. I went back to finish my h.s. education and have a good job and now I'm 9 weeks prego with my husbands baby and life couldn't be better. Keep your head up and know that it will get better!

biancathebeauty

@Mrsmaxi2010 I'm glad you found someone that makes u happy, and that u can trust. I bet it will be hard for me to ever trust again, but you give me hope that someone.....one day down the road....will accept me and love my girls as there own. Thanks

@twin_angels thanks and I will try to keep my head up....I'm glad you are happy and didnt take him back, they don't realize what they have until its gone. I'm happy your children is loved by a guy immensely and don't even care to call their father daddy. There are some good men out there.


@jscrib4 yes it does hurt like hell to be hurt by someone you loved with all ur heart. It hurts to the core. But I'm glad u found someone to love you and ur kids. That's a beautiful thing. Congrats on the new pregnancy and I know ur husband is excited....and I will keep my head up and continue to pray that things get better....I have to try and remain strong for my two beautiful girls.

Mrsmaxi2010

I believe there is someone out there for everyone,my husband is the best he took on my 3children and is raising them as his own,he is a fantastic daddy,I'm glad I found my soul mate.you put your trust in someone and they hurt you real bad,but now I think I wouldn't have met my husband if not.I try turn it into a possitive.

biancathebeauty

Yes, you are right....you do have a great man....it takes a man to raise children especially if they aren't his....these low lifes cant even take care their own...what a shame....but I'm happy for you, I will try and take this as a lesson learned and be married b4 I have any more children. I hope my girls learn from my mistakes and wait until after marriage to have kids

Mrsmaxi2010

Thanks,you haven't made mistakes,its not your fault for what he has done to you and your girls.it will be hard but you will get through it,your children will give you strength.sometimes you just want to shut your self away but that isn't the answer its So hard because everything reminds you of them and the things you did together,it realy helped me having a close friend to talk to,your not alone,theses people you can talk to,to help get it all out.hope your ok.keep your chin up.

Mrsmaxi2010

just think its there loss,my kids don't see there biological dads,sounds realy bad but it does make it easier.I feel for them but they are better of with out them.

biancathebeauty

I know that my girls will give me the strength to carry on. and ur so right, I find myself calling people his name and every time I have a story to tell he is always a part of the story. after four years its so hard to not think about him or mention him. and ur right it is his loss bc these girls are wonderful......and They are the best people in the world

katlilly

I wasn't pregnant when my ex husband left cheating, but we had a little girl together she was 4-5yrs old then. I did everything I could do to make him stay, then one day he pushed me away for the last time. He was mentally abusive and made me have sex whenever he wanted( which was all the time) o never got time to myself, everything I did I had to bring my daughter when he would be home doing nothing. He never paid her attention and he was controlling and very jealous of me. After leaving and moving home he asked me back. I thought I couldn't live w out him. So I went back. He promised he would change and he never did. He made me leave, and I never went back. My aunt let me move in with her and helped me get back on my feet. Meanwhile he did all he could to try and win me back and make me miserable...boy did he regret it!! For the last 2years he's actually stepped up and been there 100% for his daughter and makes my life easier. He realized what he did and is doing his best to make up for it. We can talk like friends (sort of) and he finally has come to terms that my life is my life. My hubby came along 3 years ago and has been here for us for everything. He is amazing! !
long story short...things will happen for you and you'll pull through, so will your children.

biancathebeauty

@katlilly
Thanks, yes sometimea I feel like I need him, and I think that is partly bc he was the provider bc I'm in school. And I was so accustom to him being the "man" of the house that now its hard to even be home and have the desire to cook bc he's no longer living here. But everyone who has commented has said that they found a new husband or boyfriend so I know that there is hope. But I want to learn to love myself and give my girls all I have before I get into any relationship because sometimes as women we feel we need a man, and I don't want to ever be as dependent on another man like I was on him....thanks for ur comment.....keep responding....it helps me a lot.