not looking forward to tomorrow (VERY LONG sorry)
Hubby and I have been fighting a lot lately. he says I always give him attitude (but yet 90% of the time its him that starts it) and its over stupid things too. one situation during his vacation I told him how good he was doing at not smoking (he smokes cigars at work) it was a whole week and I was impressed. so I told him he should keep it up and just quit all together (he's always saying he's gonna quit) and he actually agreed with me. so the next day he was going back to work and I asked "so are you gonna quit?" (No attitude was given!) and he bites my head off and says maybe if you quit nagging me! so that sparked up a fight because I was trying to get across that I was NOT nagging I was just asking.... but apparently he heard attitude. Whatever.
Yesterday I said to him that he should bring the baby's toy box downstairs. we just moved into a new place and it got put upstairs. He says no there's nowhere to put it. I point to a spot (full of boxes still) and said well these aren't going to be staying here.
no he says thats where the China cabinet is going.
Me: well its not going to take up the whole wall.
Him. we don't need it down here all we need is a few of her toys.
me. well where are they going to go when she's not using them?
him. back upstairs!
Me. really and who's going to haul them up and down the stairs every day ?!
him. me or you.
me. that's never going to happen! (This from a guy that cant even take his dishes to the sink when he's done)
him. fine do whatever you want then I don't give a shit
So I just took the baby and went upstairs and started to fold laundry.
he comes up and says are we going to have dinner? I told him to go eat whatever he wants. so he says wtf is your problem?
I said I felt like every time I suggest something he shoots me down (like I can't express an idea without him telling me oh no we can't do that) or makes me feel like what I said is stupid. OR he rewords my idea and takes credit for it.
so there I am folding laundry in tears and he gets into crap like why don't you have Darren Fed before I get home (older child) and why don't you do this and that and everyone at work asks me why you can't have dinner ready for me (gee thanks...)
so long story short we fight for a while and never really get anywhere. eat dinner them I get the kids to bed and say ok I'm going to have a shower. And he gives me attitude about it! he was like "ok......"
so what I'm not allowed to shower now?!
I showered and went to bed.
so next day, this morning I get up and bring down a paper he's supposed to sign for the landlord who's coming to pick it up today. He takes it. I got dressed and ready and about half hour later I walk into the kitchen and here's the paper still unsigned! I went and said I thought you were gonna sign this? He says he couldn't find a pen. so I said well why didn't you say something. I found a pen and gave it to him and walked away to the kitchen. I hear - wtf is your problem now.
Really?
so I say. how about instead of being so rude just ask what's the matter? or is something wrong? (And really there was no problem I was just a bit annoyed that he didn't ask for a pen)
so then he says - Keep giving me attitude and I'm leaving!
......
that hurt.
I went up to my room and cried. he came up and still talking crap like I don't know what your problem is and blah blah...
I cried so much. why would he just come out and say that? unless he's been thinking about it for a while.
so now I don't really know where we stand.
he kissed me goodbye when I dropped him off at work.
Idk...
anyway tomorrow is his day off and I'm really not looking forward to spending it with him.
Yesterday I said to him that he should bring the baby's toy box downstairs. we just moved into a new place and it got put upstairs. He says no there's nowhere to put it. I point to a spot (full of boxes still) and said well these aren't going to be staying here.
no he says thats where the China cabinet is going.
Me: well its not going to take up the whole wall.
Him. we don't need it down here all we need is a few of her toys.
me. well where are they going to go when she's not using them?
him. back upstairs!
Me. really and who's going to haul them up and down the stairs every day ?!
him. me or you.
me. that's never going to happen! (This from a guy that cant even take his dishes to the sink when he's done)
him. fine do whatever you want then I don't give a shit
So I just took the baby and went upstairs and started to fold laundry.
he comes up and says are we going to have dinner? I told him to go eat whatever he wants. so he says wtf is your problem?
I said I felt like every time I suggest something he shoots me down (like I can't express an idea without him telling me oh no we can't do that) or makes me feel like what I said is stupid. OR he rewords my idea and takes credit for it.
so there I am folding laundry in tears and he gets into crap like why don't you have Darren Fed before I get home (older child) and why don't you do this and that and everyone at work asks me why you can't have dinner ready for me (gee thanks...)
so long story short we fight for a while and never really get anywhere. eat dinner them I get the kids to bed and say ok I'm going to have a shower. And he gives me attitude about it! he was like "ok......"
so what I'm not allowed to shower now?!
I showered and went to bed.
so next day, this morning I get up and bring down a paper he's supposed to sign for the landlord who's coming to pick it up today. He takes it. I got dressed and ready and about half hour later I walk into the kitchen and here's the paper still unsigned! I went and said I thought you were gonna sign this? He says he couldn't find a pen. so I said well why didn't you say something. I found a pen and gave it to him and walked away to the kitchen. I hear - wtf is your problem now.
Really?
so I say. how about instead of being so rude just ask what's the matter? or is something wrong? (And really there was no problem I was just a bit annoyed that he didn't ask for a pen)
so then he says - Keep giving me attitude and I'm leaving!
......
that hurt.
I went up to my room and cried. he came up and still talking crap like I don't know what your problem is and blah blah...
I cried so much. why would he just come out and say that? unless he's been thinking about it for a while.
so now I don't really know where we stand.
he kissed me goodbye when I dropped him off at work.
Idk...
anyway tomorrow is his day off and I'm really not looking forward to spending it with him.
Comments
As for tomorrow, don't put a negative, preconceived notion that it'll be dreadful, because then you'll expect it to be and won't make the most of it. Be positive!
I know the reason I'm so cranky is because we just moved and our neighbors like to put their tv on at 2 am really loud and it keeps me awake and also the baby has been waking 2-3 times a night so I'm running on almost no sleep.
stil, a few cranky days shouldn't make him say he'll leave.
Unfortunately we can't afford councelling
I try to explain things but I have such a hard time getting words out
Something is obviously bothering him. You two should get some counseling to get to the bottom of it. as for the cigarettes, leave it alone. It's not worth the fight. You always have to pick and choose your battles.
& I agree, don't make mountains out of mole hills, you have to choose your battles. It's hard sometimes, but it helps keep the peace.
How old is ur baby? I have a great relationship but the lo made us both think about the big d for a couple months. Things settled down and we got used to the change. My husband was so stressed bc we took a really huge paycut without me working.
@captivated... I'm a stay at home mom and a very submissive spouse as well. I cook breakfast lunch and dinner and in between snacks. House is clean and dinner is hot and ready when my honey walks through the door. I just personally feel the house is my job and he has his job. It's a partnership. And ... Even when I worked it was the same. He does do his share but its not cooking.
Now with saying that... It ain't for everyone but I absolutely love catering to my man.
Ok.. @heyitsme ... I think this move has you guys completely stressed. They say the top #3 stresses people go through in life is having a baby, getting married and moving.
Sounds like you're tired and he's irritated. He's obviously talking to people at his job that apparently has a lot to say in his ear.
I just moved a few months ago so I know how you're feeling... Boxes freaking every damn place, baby off of schedule and not use to the new house. You're probably playing mom and unpacking all day and can use a little normality.
Men expect us to be super women and most of the times we are but then in these situations like moving we might fall short our men don't understand why we can't DO IT ALL... ALL THE DAMN TIME.
Well we can't... So cut us some slack.
I wouldn't take what he said personal. I think he's just upset. He sounds like he was just trying to get a reaction out of you.
Don't let this go on.. don't try and talk to him about this chaos... Just go to him and tell you love him and you dont want to fight anymore... Then walk away. Say it soft, slow and nice and then leave. Trust me you'll kill his ass with kindness and stop this vicious cycle of chaos.
Hang in there girl!
@gatorbob i wish men could communicate like that. I even told him he could be more sensitive about what he says. But ya all he hears is nag nag nag.
@ynvtish i wish i could do all that. My brain doesn't have the capacity though! I'm like @gatorbob everything i cook tastes like crap and he never finishes a meal unless by fluke I've cooked something that tastes half decent. Also yeah we are stressed to the max we just moved barely been here a week. Baby is 10 months and getting into everything so i can't actually unpack unless she's sleeping. She wants to be either in my arms or into what I'm doing lol. Getting married is in there too because we aren't married yet we're *trying to* plan a wedding with no budget. I'm sure money is probably #4 stressor and we have none of that too! Recipe for disaster hey... plus the 8 year old with behaviour issues.
@char I'm going to do that from now on. Cold dinner for him. We don't have a microwave either lol