okay now what??

ebbry89

Okay knowing how much of a hot head my son father is decided to take it slow in letting him down...so he just called me about the apartment situation and I let him know (but I lied on the account of knowing he will flip if I said flat out I no longer want to get a place together anymore) I told him I would rather get a job first because it will be hard to keep up with bills and with the new baby coming to be able to buy things we need for the new baby as well as my son so he got a little upset and said fine I'll just get a place by myself until your ready so whew first bullet dodged....so now what do I do ? When do I tell him I don't think we should be together at this point? I'm only doing this slowly because I know how bad it could get he will pretty much be real upset and have a b**ch fit and so on .... I am pretty sure he will text me later and argue with me about it but the tone of his voice suggested otherwise ... He was a little too calm and I'm not use to that

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

ebbry89

Yeah ughi hate this I should have never gotten myself into this in the first place but I brought into a fairy tale I guess

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

ebbry89

Yeah I know I'm young and I'm suppose to make mistakes but I'm not making that same mistake twice I love my son and I will love this baby too an my son loves his dad to death but I can't go thru that again

jules

How old are u if you don't mind me asking? And honestly when it comes to being a mother and the responsibility age doesn't matter we all have to grow up once we see responsible for someone else. And I think u are doing great job at that keep it up. What I would do is let him flip out. And then say that the fact that his not being supportive shows you that you guys just wouldn't be together. Because honestly if he cared he would just get a place for you guys make sure you don't have to stress and can just focus on your kids. But no he goes and gives you a hard time about wanting to be responsible and doing what is best for your babies. Just tell him you guys are obviously not on the same page and u don't want to force anyone to change therefore you don't see it working out and it is time for you to move on. But make sure you have everything figured out. And all of your things just in case he goes crazy u don't want to deal with it. And keep record of everything that way of u ever have to go to court about custody you have proof of why you should be the one with full custody. That means he can still be around his kids but you get to make the choices on what you think is best for them.

ebbry89

I'm 23 and we dont live together now we havnt lived together since January and we already have joint custody anyway and he is on child support but hasn't started making payments an he would never take anything to court bc he don't like it and he is on probation for the domestic violence so I don't have to worry about none of that ...I'm just afraid he will get angry and don't want nothing to do with his children but it's not like he has son now my son is with me 24-7 but I still want to be able to let him see his kids but he will probably shut down was I drop him completely this time he has abandonment issues and I will just be another person who abandons him and he won't handle that well @jules

Mijita

I think you need to let him know as soon as possible. You are making him hold on to false hope and that will only anger him more. What you are doing, and I understand it's not intentional, is misleading him to believe things are ok. You may be surprised that he may not react how you think he will and if he does you are at your moms and in no immediate danger. Unless of course you expect him to retaliate, then this is a different story entirely, that may require a protective order.

ebbry89

I am doing it this way for a good reason but he won't show up at my house so I don't need a protective order we live far from each other but I know if I break up with him again he will definitely go off the deep in and I don't want that so I have to ease into it ...although he may be suspicious at this point because I told him I didn't want to live with him and the reason why I say that is because he knows I told my mom I was pregnant so he will immdiately say she is the one who told me not to be with him and that's far from the case @mijita

jules

I know all those thoughts are going through your head but take this time and let them go. Do not worry about him and what if for another minute. Honestly you are pretty much already but a couple. He just needs to hear it. Don't be scared it's not about him once again it's about you and the babies. You do what u need to do and if he doesn't take the time to see them that just means that's is the way it's meant to be. It is true when they say that your children will but be happy unless the mother is happy. I think this is what God wants for you. After reading your comments no where in there so I see any emotional attachment. You are a caring person whose worried about him. If it's not love don't waste your time. You know your going to have to do it eventually now u just have to let go of that fear.

Mijita

Do what you think is best. I was just expressing my opinion. I have been in your situation (twice), granted no children were involved, and from personal experience quicker is better. This may not be the case for you, you would know best.

What I don't understand, and you don't have to elaborate as I'm just speaking out loud here, why do you feel the need to nurture his feelings where your mother is concerned. I'm sure he knows how your mom feels about him, so why does it matter if he thinks it was her idea for you two to split? Just food for thought.

Good luck, you are in a very difficult situation.

ebbry89

When I come to him about a decision I made he always thinks my mom is behind my decision like I'm not a adult and I'm older than him but I only care about his feelings because we been together for so long and I know what he has been thru so I can't help but to care about how he feels I dont want him to think it was her idea but he will anyway I just don't even ... I guess my issue is that I don't like conflict at all so let him go after I told him I wasnt going anywhere again is gonna make him angry and I just wanna avoid it @mijita @jules

jules

Ya I know you want to avoid it but sometimes you have to face things in order to move past them ya know.

MorgDeeBee

If you keep holding off telling him its going to make him more angry then if you come out and say it. no matter what happens between you two he should step up and take responsibility for his kids. If he doesn't want to believe you made this decision on your own then let him think what he wants. You are doing what's best for you and your kids and he should respect that.