well its over :'(

dadof2n1togo

Well as most of you know I've had a pretty crap run of late and I can say I have just hit rock bottom.

My wife and I have decided to basically separate on a trial basis at this stage. I am totally lost right now.
I knew our marriage was struggling but I really didn't see this happening at all. I was supposed to go to work today but I've basically just sat in tears all day and don't even know how to tell the kids I'm not going to be there as much anymore.

I think we can work this out but I just don't know how I'm going to manage to keep going. I can honestly say if it wasn't for the kids I wouldn't be here to write this by now.

YNVTish

Hang in there... If you love her fight for her. Sometimes us women just want to see we're worth the fight.

jules

I am soo sorry I can say from my point of view you deserve soo much better and I have told you. You are strong man, loving father, great provider, and on top of all of that you were very understanding which most men do not have, you are a listener and fighter. You have done everything and me then most people would even try. That is why I think you deserve someone who will appreciate those things. And your are right as hard as this is at the end of the day all you need are your children. I know it's hard I feel like I'm stuck most days as well. But knowing you can make the best situation out of everything. I would take the time uh need to process everything but always remember that everything happens for Reason and as long as your happy your children will be happy. And of u guys think that this is what is best right now try your best to not be too hard on yourself and enjoy life because you more then most know it can be gone just like that and your amazing Children need their father to be their role Model, their rock, provider, and best friend. They love you and always will. And everyone here is here for you through thick and thin. I know none of this can change anything or help really at this point. But I just like others I'm sure just want you to be healthy and happy. And like I said one day at time you never know what can come out of this.

MorgDeeBee

I'm so sorry this is happening! I really hope you two work things out!

dadof2n1togo

@YNVTish thanks. All I seem to do is fight to show her how much she means to me but never seem to feel like she feels the same and now I guess I know she doesn't have the same feelings anymore. Guess I'm just a big failure like my dad after all.

tinka1326

Some space and distance will be good for you guys. It's either going to cement things and make you want to fully end things or its going to show you that you guys are worth fighting for. With the kids just make sure they know you love them. Kiss them cuddle them and reassure them you will only be a phone call away (I can't remember the ages of your older kids so obviously keep it age appropriate)
Just remember this is not necessarily a bad thing it may be what you guys need to reconnect again... but if not then you will be able to have some time to heal and find something in your life to make you happy again.

MorgDeeBee

You are NOT a failure, you have done everything on your .power to keep your relationship together. Maybe she just needs to realize that things aren't always greener on the other side and she Dora love you and want to be with you.

tinka1326

You are not a failure!!! Just because a relationship doesn't work does not mean you failed. It's how you deal with your kids now that matters

dadof2n1togo

Thanks but at the moment that is how I'm feeling. She wants to talk more tonight but she said she's not sure where to start with what she has to say. I honestly think I know what it might be and if it is that I'm not sure what to think.

At the moment I am just moving stuff into our rumpus room which is separate to the main house as I have no where to go anyway.

tinka1326

I've run out of words of wisdom.. goodluck... will be thinking of you tonight and be sending payers for a positive outcome

dadof2n1togo

Sorry if I worried anyone with first comment about not being here if it wasn't for the kids. I have made an appointment with the police shrink for tomorrow since I'm feeling that way. Will try update more later if I'm up to it.

sehra4177

I don't post too much on here but have read alot of your posts. I agree with @jules you are a strong man and are trying to do right by your family. All you can do is your best but if she isn't feeling the same maybe its best. You'll have your kids and they love you. At this point bc its so new you feel horrible...that only shows how much you do care and love her. I do think just by following your story that you can do better, not saying she is a bad person it just seems you guys are going thru the normal relationship where one may take the other for granite alot.
Alot is going on right now in your life and its rough but hang in there for your kids. It's either going to be she will finally realize how good of a guy you are and you'll get back together. Or you may realize that you really do want and need something different. Someone who appreciates the nice guy that you are:)

littlenat86

I am so sorry. It's hard to see someone who is still so willing to fight for a relationship when the other partner has decided that its time to separate. I'm glad you are seeing someone about those thoughts though. You are also most certainly not a failure. There are many separated families nowadays and what makes a good dad is someone who is still there, has regular contact (phone, email, visits) and helps support their child financially. My mum and dad were divorced, which wasnt an issue for me. What was the issue was my dad would not call when he said he would (which still wasn't very often) he would be late and sometimes not even turn up to take us for the weekend, he never paid my mum any child support which I didnt know about at the time as ny Mum didn't tell me till I was older but it hurts he wasn't bothered about his responsibilities. Once he decided not to call to arrange our visits for Christmas time.... then didn't bother for 2 and half years. Safe to say I was 23 when I ceased all contact. The point I'm trying to make is that your children are bound to be upset, hurt, confused, but only you can help them through this transition. You can show them you are sad you will not be living with them, but make them see you will always be there for them and they are what is important. So sorry you are going through all this x

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angel26

Im so sorry that it has come to that. I hopr she can realize what a great person she had. And no matter what happens your children are there. They love you more than anything. Please be safe and dont do anything out of anger or depression.

jules

Thank you @sehra4177 exactly how I see it you explained that very well.

But good luck today hope that's get better after you can really sit down and talk to sometime.

sehra4177

@jules thx:)

I hope it gets better too for you:)

babyhope7

I know you guys have been going through rough times for a while now. If thereis any glimpse of hope left in you please purchase these two books...they are saving my own marriageas we speak. If this is something that both of you decided upon fine, and for all means try the separation rout but promise one another to take 1 month to reflect and on yourown each read these two books, and then sit down to discuss... i have faith that they might shed some light on your situation. The first one is called "The couple's survival workbook" by david olsen, the other is "seven principles for making a marriage work" by john gottman. You owe it to your children to at least give them a try. The first book is to be read on your own without discussing it until your done, the seven principles should be discussed whike reading. I hope you will take this into consideration!

Mijita

Oh Michael, I'm so sorry!

I can't help but wonder if the issue lies solely with her. Please forgive me for the following interlude, but it had been my impression for a while.

I have been around many overweight women and I myself battled with it. It really messes with our self confidence and to some affects our social lives and our relationships. We fear that our men desire the ”thin” woman and being thin is the only beautiful.

Is it possible that with your illness and recent weight loss that she resents you and has exacerbated her current self-confidence? I know it sounds ridiculous, but I think you would know if this was the case. Do you tell her she's beautiful? Do you compliment her at random times? We women love to hear it even though we may not believe it ourselves. Are you rubbing in how others have complimented your weight loss? If so, she may see it as a jab to her self-worth.

I can tell that you love her and for your sake and that of your kids hope things turn in your favor. I believe you deserve it!

I was thinking of you these past two days in your absence and wasn't surprised you were down. You are in my thoughts! Good luck and keep your head up!

dadof2n1togo

Thanks @everyone
Well we talked last night and she said that how she sees herself is a big part of it. She also said she has zero interest in sex and doesn't really enjoy it anymore since last baby was born. She knows it is breaking us apart but she doesn't know how to fix it.

Unfortunately she also admitted that she slept with someone when I was in hospital last time I was stabbed at work but I was shocked because it was actually a female friend. Yes I feel betrayed but more by the friend than my wife if it makes sense.

I told her we need to talk about this more so I can see if I can forgive her and fix this or not. She has agreed to try counseling or anything.

jules

Well looks like it's just like most of us thought this has nothing to do with you there are issues within herself. And it also sounds like she has very hard time being strong When times her hard. This is something she has to work on and it had to be her choice. She needs to grow in how she sees herself and find positive hobby for in general but especially when times get hard it's important to have something to get away to if that makes sense.

dadof2n1togo

@jules yeah it does make sense and I also think she has depression but doesn't want to admit to herself because it means she isn't coping in her eyes. Well news flash we aren't coping obviously lol

jules

Ya well the first step to fixing anything is admitting it. And then people around her would be me helpful and understanding in my opinion they would also be able to help. So if she likes it or not nothing is going to go right until she starts working on these issues.

dadof2n1togo

@jules I know and as much as she may hate me for it at the moment I've asked her parents for help with getting her to seek some help. I haven't told them much other than our marriage is in real trouble.

I also know I'm not going to be drinking like I did yesterday anytime soon because mani feel like crap emotionally and physically lol. Even breathing seems to hurt my head.

Guess I'm just blaming myself d for everything going so wrong. I've been struggling since having a vasectomy and losing a testicle with how see myself as a man. Now all of this to come to terms with. It hurts so much because I do love her so much but inside I'm shattered.

jules

Well I'm glad u talked to her parents they will be great help and support system. She's going through things and so are you therefore put two people like that together it is hard. This is time she can take to get better and bond with you and therefore you guys will be closer. Or the other way around. Maybe explain it to her from that point of view because it's true. You guys both are having a lot going on so if u use that to support each other some amazing growth can really happen in the relationship.

dadof2n1togo

Well she has made an appointment to see her doctor as she agrees that she is depressed. She has also made an appointment with a marriage counselor and we will be doing separate appointments for while before any couples therapy. We both have to write everything out for the therapist so they can see where we are both at.

At the moment she is putting the kids to bed and I'm having a spa alone lol. Once the kids are asleep and I'm relaxed she wants to talk some more. I have moved my stuff from the rumpus room to the spare bedroom as I don't want the kids to know much at this stage.

Thanks through for all the support it really means a lot.

dadof2n1togo

@BlessedTXMom thank you and don't worry I don't take much personally lol. I am actually glad she finally came out and said what she had to say because at least now I know. We have actually been talking really well for the last couple of days and I'm slowly starting to understand that I'm not totally blame free in lots of what has happened.

My cancer battle has been really hard on her as she lost her nanna to cancer and while I was going through it I never really thought about how she was coping. At the moment I am actually at the fittest I've been in 15yrs and also probably the lightest lol.

We have a lot to work through and I have a lot to deal with beforei can even begin to forgive her but at this stage I want to try. I know it might make me seem like an idiot but I really do love her.

tinka1326

Who cares if you look like an idiot... do what makes you happy... if that means giving things a go and fixing what's broken and not throwing it away I think that's admirable

jules

That's great! If you guys both willing to do these things first it's worth a try. I think it will be helpful to both of you and the relationship after all a lot has gone on in your guys lives last years.

dadof2n1togo

@tinka1326 thanks and I'm used to looking like an idiot lol obviously. On the bright side when I'm in a bad mood exercise is easier lol as I'm back to running about 15k every morning before work

dadof2n1togo

Thanks @jules