Weird grandpa

tamsy79

Is it weird that grandpa (FIL)always needs time alone with my son? I can understand the need for bonding time but....for example, We had a birthday party yesterday and he kept taking him away...upstairs, outside in his truck....why couldn't he chill out and let everybody who came to visit/support him enjoy his presence? He has to whisk him away every chance he gets. Odd behavior? Or normal?

EricaK22

Uh...yeah that's odd behavior. I'd keep an eye on him for sure!

jules

It's creepy of u ask me.. I would Keep eye on it if not talk to him about it.

Jessibear

Yeah doesn't sound normal. I can understand that he wants to bond but taking him places like that seems a little odd.

second_time_mommy7

Very odd... I would talk to my husband about it if my fil was like that. And then he would be forced to talk to his dad and let him know that its creepy and not ok.

tamsy79

So I mentioned to DH that I thought it was odd and immediately got offensive...very awkward Cuz it's his dad...

tamsy79

He started to get mad at what he thought I was insinuating

tamsy79

I feel uncomfortable with the IL in general bc they are a bit over the top. They live several hours away and ask me a kajillion times over and over when I'm going to let my one year old spend the night. I'm not ready for that....not sure when I will be and with weirdo gramps I really am reluctant to send him there without me!

jules

Well it's natural that he defended his dad so maybe I can just approach him calmly again and say I am sorry if this is coming out wrong and u don't mean to hurt his feelings but u just wanted to bring it up and see what he thinks and let him know u just don't feel 100% comfortable with it.

second_time_mommy7

How did you bring it up to him?

caroline8_p

Very odd.

Especially to a person whos "been there" as a child ..

Steph_Due_101611

I agree. Ive been a victim of sexual abuse as a child. This is definitely a red flag in my book. :-(

dra765

yea def don't let him spend the night without you. that does sound odd. my parents want my son at every chance but they stay right there and only walk around when he starts pointing to places

jnlelrod

Red flag for sure! I would not dare let him be alone with him anymore, I have never had any sexual abuse in my life but I am just paranoid naturally lol. But seriously, yea, my son would not be staying with him until I knew for sure it was ok.

natashalynn

Yup, I agree with eveerrryyyyone above. Obviously you have a gut feeling something is wrong. Listen to your mommy instinct. It's there for a reason.

Janet_2011

that is completely creepy. keep an eye on him , not saying he would do anything to your baby, but it still is really strange

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My2Boys

I could see them wanting to bond and occasional alone time... but not during a party and def not all the time, I think it is kinda creepy.

tamsy79

I told my hubs that I thought it was odd and he asked me what u was insinuating. I said nothing! Just being watchful...I guess there's no good way to bring it up.
So gramps called the other day to say "me and my grandson have a secret" ...i don't like the idea of secrets!!! But any who -----the secret was that he took a few steps! NOT a secret considering he Already took a few steps for mommy and daddy!

Sigh...I don't even know how to approach this situation.
@Steph_Due_101611 and @caroline8_p I'm sorry to hear you've been in that predicament. Not cool! *hugs*

caroline8_p

If the secret was was "a few steps" he wouldn't be going to his truck...

and thank you, it happened to my sister too, but I didnt know till 2 years ago. I dont think I'll ever tell my mom.

captivated

This sounds like grooming behavior to me. I would not ever allow alone time with this man. Ever. Maybe you're wrong, but what if you are right? Is it worth the risk? In my opinion, grandparents do not need overnight visits in the first place. This is a huge flag. Follow your intuition.

starrxoxo9

I agree with @captivated 100%.

Wilsomom

My uncle always got me alone & ended up molesting me, so yeah, serious red flag.

caroline8_p

It was my uncle too, when he babysat us. What a shame.

Ourlittlenugget

I see it as a red flag too, but to be fair, my parents were dying for a grandchild and wanted him overnight so they could enjoy him and relive babyhood as grandparents. I thought that would be OK until he was born, I couldn't bear to be without him, and I decided that's not happening for 4-5 years. My dad also likes to take Edison on little jaunts around the house and outside. Nothing creepy, just "entertain the baby with new scenery" stuff.

mommyfor3

.

tamsy79

That sucks :-( I'm sorry anyone has been molested. makes me so sad. This world can be an evil, evil place :-( Thank you all so much..you validate my feelings, and decisions!
@ourlittlenugget yet, I thought 4-5 for overnights...and that's a HUGE maybe. These are my IN LAWS....sorry, but it makes a difference when they are your own parents. Don't know why.... just does!

tinka1326

If it feels wrong it is wrong. Doesn't matter if he is being inappropriate during this alone time or not. It makes you uncomfortable so that means its not okay.
My step dad loves loves loves kids and has always taken my son on little adventures over to the park, out the back, through the house to look at things etc but the way he goes about it doesn't make me feel wrong about it. I know he just loves to teach the kids things about the out doors etc, he loves seeing them learn. And he knows it gives me a little break. But if I say no for some reason its no big deal, then they just stay in the room and play something else.
I was molested as a child so I'm very vigilant on things with my babies and if it doesn't feel right I say no. What was a red flag about your story to me is he isn't communicating to you like 'hey I'm just taking lo outside to see the birds' (or whatever it is he is doing) he sounds like he is being a bit sneaky about it... that to me says there is something to hide.
Sorry this is a novel but just remember we have our mummy instincts for a reason

Ourlittlenugget

Oh I totally agree! My inlaws are lovely but much older and more frail...no overnights until he's about 13 there! ;-)