@captivated or anyone custody question!?

rjr33

@captivated do you know anything about temporary custody? Me and bd got into a big fight about him leaving me and his daughter.. He is suppose to see her weds on his day off but after our fight I am scared that if I let her go with him he won't give her back. My mom said I should file emergency temporary custody until we have a parenting plan set up.. Do you have any idea if I file temp custody will I get it right away until the hearing for the parenting plan or will he have a chance to fight the temporary custody? I know you have been through a custody battle so I thought I'd ask you!

CristinaLynn

Is he on the birth certificate?

rjr33

Yes.. @cristinalynn I just want to get temporary custody until we make a parenting plan. I am scared if I let him take her he will not give her back. I don't know what to do..

rjr33

I want him to be in her life but I do not want him to try and take her. I have been physically taking care of her since she was born. He decided he wanted to move out 2 weeks ago when she was only a month old.

CristinaLynn

If there is no parenting plan in place he very well could take her, file for custody and not give her back. Before you do any visits with her being alone with him for your peace of mind, I would file a parenting plan asap.

captivated

If you file for custody and don't give her back, you run a big risk of losing custody for parental alienation. It's a fine line you walk. Damned if you do and damned if you dont.

Temp custody hearing doesn't work like that and even those take a few weeks to a month to get a hearing. He still has to be served and has the chance to acquire a lawyer to fight you. if there is not a dire need for emergency hearing, such as alleged sexual abuse, prior parental kidnapping, physical abuse, etc, the judge is going to ram you into the ground.

Biggest thing during a custody battle is to portray yourself as totally compliant to allowing a relationship with the other parent. Withholding visitation without DOCUMENTED evidence, police reports, cps files, current felony charges, will- I cannot express this further-WILL hurt you.

If you are not married, in almost every state, you are already the assumed legal custodial parent. this means he cannot take off with her. If he does, he will have a warrant placed for his arrest. Be very careful about making drastic decisions. Courts do not favor mothers any further than fathers in this day. Especially when a father has been equally invovled in that child's life. Anything you say in court is a lie unless it is on paper or you have credible , first account witnesses.

second_time_mommy7

What state are you in? In most states "an unwed mother has full custody until otherwise determined in court". So even if he was to take her and try not to give him back you could call the police and go pick her up.

rjr33

@second_time_mommy7 I am from Washington state.

@captivated @christinalynn I just don't know what to do I am going to the courthouse today to try and speak to someone about my options or what is best for me to go about this. I don't know what to do. If I file a parenting plan would I just file it and not let him take her until we make a plan?

Starlilly

Not true @second_time_mommy7 my oldest daughters father took her when she was 2 and he wasn't even on the birth certificate, I called the police and they said there was nothing they could do unless I have a court order saying he has to give her back.. As long as he is the father and has been in her life he has just a much rights as the father. I had to file emergency custody, even then as @captivated said unless you can prove them unfit they won't grant it. Even when I did get it I didn't get my daughter back. The police didn't go looking for my daughter, it took me two months to get her back, without the help of the police.. even after all that the judge didn't grant me everything I wanted.. He even missed court, has a felony, been to prison. it's not as easy as it sounds..

second_time_mommy7

@starlilly it is very much true. I personally went through it. My sons father tried to withhold my son from me I called the police and got him back. In SOME states the law is "unwed mother is legal custodian, until otherwise determined in court." Not all states have the same law. So maybe yours did not. @rjr33 go to your local police ask them what the law is on unwed mothers and child custody. What I am finding online is that Washington state does have that law but ask the police station to make sure. If they tell you that is the law ask them to print you a copy and take keep it with you at all times. If he tries to keep you from getting you son back call the police cops and show them that paper, you'll get your son back.

MorgDeeBee

Maybe call a lawyer and ask for a meeting, most of them do the first meeting free.

captivated

@starlilly, I agree. When he took my daughter across state lines when I had custody, I had to get her myself. It is illegal, but up to the people in your state to decide how far they will take it.

I was raised by my father alone. My mother had moved to California with me and he filed for custody in the original state. She could not afford to fly there and he got joint custody by default. At that time, California did not recognize the papers from another state, but he came to her house withmy grandpa, had my grandpa hold her against the wall and took me. I was ten months. He flew back to his state. She called the police, but didn't have the fight in her. I never saw her until I was 17 and found her incompetent, druggie ass on FB. You have to be persistent to get what you want...and choose your battles. No court and state is the same.

My recommendation is to have a free consultation. A lawyer in your county that knows your local judges and how they operate, what their beliefs are is the best option. Going to the courthouse wont help too much bc they can't give you legal advice.

Heather3girls1boy

@captivated oh wow I can't imagine how hard that was on you, your mother and you father.

captivated

My mother has seven children by seven fathers...and all of us lived with our dads...there's a clue for you about her parenting abilities @heather3rdgirl. She was a heroin addict. She's clean now though...just dumber than a box of rocks. Her looks is what got her through life.

I never knew any differently. It's not like I had any memories to miss, yanow? Would have been different if I was older. I am very thankful for it though. I do remember arguing with my teachers every mothers day though. "No...I DON'T have a mom."

"Honey, everybody has a mom."

"Nope!!! Not me! I have a daddy." Lol. I was always an arguer. Refused to participate in card making time if I couldn't write happy fathers day. Haha.