vent vent vent.

natashalynn

I don't really have anyone I can vent to, so I'll do it here. Sorry if it turns out long.

I love my daughter, I love my boyfriend/baby daddy. I usually love my life as a stay at home mom. But I'm young, I'm 22, with 17 month old, and I see pictures of people on facebook that I went to high school with travelling, partying, doing their own thing and I can't help but feel jealous. Anyone I say this to says, oh you can still go out, you can still live life. But no. I absolutely 100% REFUSE to be another young mother who parties, posts drunk pictures on facebook with my boobs hanging out, and in any way come across as an irresponsible mother. I won't add to that stigma. Some days I feel stuck in such a limbo. I want to 'be young' but recognize I have other responsibilities and priorities. It's so frustrating. I look back on pictures of old boyfriends and I find myself wanting to be with them, but I know I don't really; I just want to be who I was back when I was with them.
I even feel hostile to acquaintances, my boyfriends friend and his girlfriend, who every f*cking time I talk to them they go on and on and on about how she lives in New York, and they went here for a date, or they're going there. I just want to scream at them to shut up!! Especially when they say in a condescending way that my life is so awesome with a baby. SHUT UP. Most of my day consists of cleaning, cooking, more cleaning and diaper changes. You don't know jack about my life, or what its like.
I feel so stupid being upset over this, my life is pretty damn good. I got pregnant four months into my relationship, and it was with a man I truly love and who's stepped up in every way possible. I know people have it worse than me, so I feel even MORE guilt feeling this way.
Sorry for the freaking novel. I'm not in the best mood today.

LeviLuv8

Sounds like me at times!

natashalynn

@leviluv8 thanks for reading. Sorry you feel this way too. It sucks.

Alwayzbeenurz2008

Your not alone. Im also 22 with a soon to be 1 year old. I feel the same way but also dont want to be one of those moms. Sometimes i feel i take it out on my boyfriend becuase i feel like he gets to go out and do more then i do, even if its just drinking a few beers with friends. I dont get to do that and sometimes i get upset but yet id rather be with my son then out doing those things. Its a crazy struggle with in myself. Hang in there

caroline8_p

Girl.. you need a break. It really is ok to go out, have a drink or two and still be a responsible and caring mother. You dont have to go to a club, or have your boobs out, or even get drunk. Just getting out once in a while is a big stress reliever and you WILL feel better about yourself/life.

caroline8_p

I can count the times I went out this past year.. about 5-6 without Malia.. across the whole year. I feel included and happy about that small number.

Alwayzbeenurz2008

I wish we could like others comments i think @caroline8_p is completely right, im trying to open myself up to going out and enjoying a hour or 2 away.

crystaldawn0830

I think this is a very common feeling no matter how old you are! Being a mom is a very stressful thing. I am 27, and I have lived out my party days by all means. I was ready for the parent life and we planned this child out 100%.

However, I still find myself jealous sometimes looking on Facebook at what seems to be people's exciting life's. I miss being able to jump in the car just to go pick something up. Now it seems like a big production just to get out of the house. We live far away from all family and we never let anyone watch our son. But sometimes when we go home and our parents offer to watch him so we can go out, it's just not the same. I cant enjoy myself like I use to bc my son is always in the back of my mind.

But you know the other day we were at the farm picking out our pumpkins ....and the music was playing and we were drink hot apple cider...and all I could think of was how UNBELIEVABLY blessed and happy I was at that moment. I'm pretty sure that no matter where you are in life, you sometimes wish u were somewhere else. I think it's just human nature. Believe it or not, I'm sure there is someone out there envious of ur family pictures on Facebook!

natashalynn

@caroline8_p you're provably right girl. I don't go out, its hard because most of my friends are childless so they wanna party hard when we go out. Then i just feel like a dork standing in the corner sober. I need more mommy friends I guess. I am a social person but I'm just locking myself away.

Thanks @alwayzbeenurz2008 nice to know other people struggle with this too, makes me feel less alone. My boyfriend goes out regularly, obviously not every night, or even every week, but he's got a larger group of friends than I do. By far. Lol.

natashalynn

Thanks @crystaldawn0830 that last sentence was really nice to hear. Made me smile. Thanks you. I've had my party years too, to an extent. (Legal drinking age here is 18) but I just feel so left out.

Starlilly

Just because you're young and party doesn't mean you'll be a bad mother.. You can still have fun and do all of that.. I had my first at 17 and I felt the same way.. But then I realized I am young, I don't have to stop be young because I had a baby.. Just make sure you have a good sitter and go out... You'll feel much better. My hubby and I go out with our friends every other weekend.. When it's my turn I hang with my girlfriends and know that my kids are safe when I get home he still takes care of them and gets up with them the next morning.. It's important that you have you time. although I'm pregnant now, I don't really go out, but I do spend some me time.

caroline8_p

All of our friends are childless except one, but we dont party with them. We go to six flags with them, lol. (thats was 2 out of 6 and the most recent). Our childless friends can DRINK, but they are more conservative than people under our age. We are the youngest at 24. You should find mommy friends for sure! I dont know where you live, but there are websites that lists groups you can meet up with.

natashalynn

@starlily I know it woukdnt make me a bad mom, but I'm worried about being perceived by others that way. I know that sounds silly, why should I care right? But I do.. but still. You're right. I need to get out.
@caroline8_p do you take your kids when you go out? How old are your kids? I'm in a pretty small town in Alberta canada so Im not sure if there are any around here. What websites do you know of? Maybe I can go off that.

crystaldawn0830

U should try to do things with people that u enjoy. I recently started doing pole fitness.lol. It was awkward at first but now I really embrace it as my free time. I'm working out, chatting with a bunch of women and getting my sexy back all at the same time! I have noticed a huge improvement with my attitude by having a few hours a week of time just for myself. I don't feel guilty bc I'm not out partying but I'm still out of the house and socializing. ( most of them are moms too). Your a mom...but your not dead! It's ok to have fun...just find things that you are comfortable with.

caroline8_p

I only have one, she is 14 months. She stays with grandma if I am out with our friends. They all know and love her though, as I go by the bfs job often, and work their during the holidays.

This is the website I was referring too, and they have some listed in your general area.

http://moms-group.meetup.com/cities/ca/ab/edmonton/

natashalynn

@crystaldawn0830 omg! I did pole exercise a few years back! That's a great idea. I loved it. I'd be nervous doing it on my own though. Was it easy talking to people? Last time I went, I did it with a friend.

@caroline8_p that's great you have good family to watch her. I'm lucky too, she's the first grandchild on either side of us, and probably going to be the one and only on my side of the family. I really should let them see her more. Thanks for the website, I'll take a look when she goes down to sleep.

And thanks everyone for responding. It made me feel a lot better knowing people have been through this and took the time to read the whole thing.

kayleigh27

I'm 22 with a 17 month old and a 6 month old. I totally get u. My husband feels the same way. Yeah we love our kids to death but we do feel like we missed out sometimes

crystaldawn0830

I went with friends in the beginning but they all bailed on me for schedule reasons. But I was actually pretty shocked at how nice all the ladies are and how helpful!

KayyCarter

You just wrote the story of my life right here.... I understand 10000000+s over

mommyof3girls

I just want to say... U sound like a wonderful mother!!!! Don't be so hard on yourself. Ur feelings are all VERY normal.

smcox

Like someone else said no matter your age you will have these feelings. I'm 27 and have days where I wish I could go out and have fun and drink and not have to worry about being responsible and getting up rerly enough my kid the next day. I'm doing my first "crazy" thing with a friend (also a mom) and seeing the "midnight" (actually its at like 10pm... Thank God cuz midnight is late to me now) showing of the new twilight lol ill be having my in laws stay here while my son sleeps and have them leave when I get home (my hubby works out of town). I'm sooo nervous about doing it cuz I never go out without my lol

smcox

And all I'm doing is going to a movie!! But I seriously do miss being able to have girls nights. But every time I do have the opportunity I just want to go home to my baby!