huge fight with my fiance about sex

kenzie0713

I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible but ill start by saying that we have an almost 14 month old daughter and I'm 29 weeks prego with our second daughter. I've been complaining ab the QUALITY of our sex life since our daughter was born. The intimacy seems to have gone out the window and sex literally involves taking our clothes off an occasional kiss, hump hump for not even 5 mins and its over. I've tried to do things to change that, cute outfits, little hints etc but he doesn't seem to get it. Well it then went to where we basically co exist simply as parents and providers, we used to cuddle, watch movies play around etc, now we don't even sit on the same couch. I've been expressing that I don't feel that he's affectionate anymore and that I want to feel wanted by him etc, I've been saying this for MONTHS...so last night we are laying in bed and I lay my head on his chest and he immediately tries to take my panties off...ugh what a turn OFF! I told him I was tired and he proceeds to tell me he would just "take care of himself in the morning like he always does". I freaked, I've Bern begging for affection intimacy and to be desired sexually for months now!!! well no wonder he doesn't do any of that he 2 busy getting himself off. I told him that hurt, went out on the couch and cried myself to sleep. So hrs been at work all day and doesn't see why I'm so hurt. I know I'm pretty, I have great self esteem but seriously what woman wouldn't be hurt. I told him to try putting me in the mood rather then no foreplay no nothing bc there is nothing fun ab vanilla just stick it in sex. Sorry if its tmi but I'm really frustrated, take care of our daughter all day, clean house, cook dinner and work several nights a week doing hair (he does help with cooking and cleaning) and I'm prego!!

jules

I hear the frustration but little confused. You want him to have sex with you but when he tried to and it wasn't exactly the most romantic you turned him down. So now your frustrated BC his not understanding why your upset?... Sounds like you two need to talk and what you are feeling and thinking exactly needs to be said right our. He is a guy after all and they can't read our minds lol I wish they could.

kenzie0713

He does do sweet things, run baths, flowers, nice texts, tells me how beautiful i am etc but not at the right time which would be when our daughter is in bed or when we could actually be intimate. Takinga bubble bath that he runs for me then getting out feeding our daughter getting her ready for bed and boom mood is ruined.

kenzie0713

@jules im frustrated bc i feel like there is no intimacy, its like hump hump done and that sucks and is a turn off. Ive tried talking to him and he says its partvof becoming a parent...i say bs. I even tried taking him in a sex store when we were on vacation and i ended up going in alone.

kenzie0713

And i have said to him hey we need to set the mood, touch rub kiss etc, be spontaneous sometimes etc and he still doesnt get it. I cant spell it out any clearer and i cant keep having boring sucky sex its a turn off and him telling me he does it himself is an even bigger turn off

jules

I think u should tell him that exactly. There are many people out there that have children and still try their best to make it exciting. However with work all day that sometimes just getting to the point is ok too just not all the time. Just tell you would like to try make it better. And if he has no desire to make things better then he can keep playing with himself see how long that lasts lol

kenzie0713

@jules lol exactly but i already have told him that. My main concern is that he might stop playing with himself and start playing with someone else. Hes not one to cheat or jeopardize his family but i know if he isnt getting it from me and im not getting it from him it has to come from somewhere, i guess he thinks hes getting it from me im just not satisfied and instead of spicing it up on nights where im tired or not in the mood he figures he will take matters into his own hands, literally lol yuck. I just have a crazy strong sex drive always have and now he bores me.

perly

@kenzie0713 have you tried being the one in control. Dress up and play with him. He will try to get it over with, but don't let him. Tell him you are in charge, and you do the foreplay. Put his hands on you and show him what you want. Bring him back into the kind of sex life you used to have.
I did that when things started getting boring .

kenzie0713

@pearly that's def something I haven't tried and at this point I'm willing to try anything. It worked for you? I'm not one for being in control I like a man to kinda take charge I'm weird haha but hey if I did do it that way I could give him some silent pointers

kenzie0713

Am I wrong for being so offended like really what man would rather jerk off then have fun sex?

kenzie0713

I seriously cried myself to sleep on the couch last night and he just told me I take things to seriously, I'm 2 sensitive and that I'm hormonal...I want to punch him in the face, now that's hormonal lol or maybe sexual frustration haha

kenzie0713

I seriously cried myself to sleep on the couch last night and he just told me I take things to seriously, I'm 2 sensitive and that I'm hormonal, didn't come out to comfort me check on me nothing ...I want to punch him in the face, now that's hormonal lol or maybe sexual frustration haha

1stWoodsBaby

I totally see your point and agree 100%. I would definitely try perly's suggestion. I like the man to be in control too, but maybe he will remember what it use to be like and it'll get him back in the groove of things. Good luck!

perly

@kenzie0713 i like my hubby to be in control too, but i also like teasing him. Its fun to see him want me but not be able to have me. Besides, he starts participating too and builds up his stamina.

kenzie0713

@1stwoodsbaby thanks girl!! I'm going to give it a try if I can get past all of my anger lol

Roxy

I kinda know what ur talking about before hubby would boom boom then 3 mins that's it boy was I mad I would say some mean shit after I think I got to him cause I hated having sex there would b no point I get stuck with all the yucky stuff LOL but things change he try's now and holds it n lol just keep speaking ur mind it wont happen over night but he well get the point

Wilsomom

It sounds like you guys are just needing to learn more about how the opposite sex thinks & reacts. Men & women are soooo different in so many ways. There's a book by Dr. Kevin Leman called Sheet Music that might help...he's a christian author (just so you know) & a very funny guy. Hope that helps!

kenzie0713

@roxy haha you and I sound sooooo similar!! @wilsomom I've never had this problem and I'm willing to do anything to fix it but in my opinion sex should just flow and happen (that may sound ridiculous lol) but its not so ill check out the book!

Roxy

I know right men ugh only think of them self lol