Dealing with a bully in the family...

second_time_mommy7

We have been dealing with a cousin that is a bully since my son was born. Cousin was 2 at the time and has been mean to my son since he was a baby. His parents have never really did anything to stop him and do not punish him for being mean to other kids. My son is now 5 and the bully 7. I got in to it with his parents about 6 months ago and it caused a huge divide in our family. They excluded themselves and did not come to visit with grandma anymore and it hurt her terribly. We have just now gotten to the point of speaking and today was a first get together since the fall out. Bully has eased up on my son (who is now old enough to defend himself) but is now praying on my 15 month old daughter and 18 month old niece. Today he pushed my niece down the stairs and nothing was done about it by his parents. Her dad told him that he needed to be more careful. Then he pushed my daughter into the entertainment center (accidently) and busted her head open. We ended up leaving because my husband was wanting to kill someone. Our whole family is walking on egg shells, afraid to say someting because we dont want grandma to be hurt and we love our family. This is the first time my grandma has had us all there in 6 months and I dont want to cause a huge divide again. How should I handle this?

ashley_smashley

I know you are worried about grandmas feelings but...you need to worry about the kids. If they are getting harassed, and their parents won't take care of the problem...then your only option is to not attend family functions when they are around. Explain to Grammy why you won't be there. Maybe she can talk some sense into the parents.

ashley_smashley

The next time he hurts them it could be very serious!

second_time_mommy7

@ashley_smashley I agree, however I kind of feel that this is my/ my husbands fault. We both know how he is but neither one of us kept him away from the babies. I can't imagine excluding ourselves from my grandmas she helped raise my son when I was a single mom and they have such a close bond I could not imagine keeping my son away my daughter is also very close with her. she is elder and I can not take the memories to be made away from her and my children. If that makes me a horrible person so be it. she has played a huge role in my life and in my childrens. it would not be fair to either her or my children. I need a way to handle it without causing a huge problem and hurting my grandma

[Deleted User]

I wouldn't cut myself out of functions. I would tell the parents in no uncertain terms in front of everyone if it happens again they deal or u will. U can't hit someone else's kids but u can have a nicely placed foot or an accidental elbow to the gut. Lol It won't hurt him and maybe help ur kids.

ashley_smashley

I wasn't calling you a bad person. And I didn't mean that you should never go over there. I simply ment to not go when they are there.

Jess510

I would just keep close to the kids.

[Deleted User]

I don't want to sound like I go around beating on kids, but I would and have knocked my nephew on his butt. I thought about how that sounded after I wrote it earlier.

natashalynn

Tell the older one who can now defend himself to look after the younger.

luvmy5

You can see still Grandma without having to be all together. If so inquires as to why, simply explain it to her. I would never suggest 'accidently' putting an elbow in a childs gut. That is very wrong!

Frantastic

I'm with you @char, I would pop my nephew in the mouth for acting like that. Fortunately my family has a policy of whoever catches you being bad has to discipline you. It's worked for us since I was a kid and even before when my mom was little.

Molly

Can you visit Grandma on your own, without the nephew around? You get more one-on-one time with her without all the distractions. And if the nephew is there then I would keep the kids by your side and the nephew as far away as possible.

perly

@Second_time_mommy7 i understand that your kids are close to Grandma but they will never have good memories with her if every time they go they get hurt. You need to defend your kids. I know Grandma is older and it would cause her pain, but you are not the selfish one the parents of that kid are. They should be the ones trying to discipline that kid so these problems won't start.

MommyLovesSparkle

Sorry but you need to keep your kids away from that wild child and his parents. Your kids should come first before grandmas feelings.

MommyLovesSparkle

I forgot to ask how your daughters doing and the other baby??