whyyyyyyy?????

ebbry89

I never understand men lol like my babies father is so loving and caring but for the life of me I can't understand why did he have to mess up so bad in the past (if anybody follows my post knows about the little domestic violence that took place this year) it's like I love him he is the father of my two kids but I can never trust him again to be with him and my family besides my father hate his guts so I will never be comfortable with giving him a chance and being with him because its awkward when they are around him it's hilarious to me but oh well I will just keep my good memories and move forward but I just had to vent for a seconds and just enjoy the view of him interacting with his son and his daughter

jules

I'm sorry that's hard. But his either dangerous therefore even the kids shouldn't be around him or his not and just had one big bad moment and therefore everyone needs to forgive him and try move on. Have him go to classes whatever it takes for you guys to be safe happy. That's just my opinion.

ebbry89

Yeah he just had big bad moment and I think he needs counseling just like I do and he was suppose to take anger management classes but idk what happen with that but my family hold grudges there's no changing them well my mom is a tough one she's the only concern I have

kenzie0713

Wanna know a secret? Back in May my fiance got violent with me, he was drunk out of his mind and came after me, I got away and he didn't make contact but its taken me a long time to regain that trust. I had him arrested and it took me a ton of counseling to cope, its day by day but I can tell you one thing, it scared me and it scared him and he has not drank since. He's an amazing man that made a mistake while not knowing how to cope with the loss of his dad and turning to alcohol Weare still together, he treats me like a queen , very gentle loving laid back and supportive but that night will be stuck in my head forever.

ebbry89

See that's the same thing I was telling him .. I can't trust him no more and everything that happened I can't ever forget but since it happened he hasn't been right he pretty much has changed but I don't really know to what extent he changed but he really hurt me and in return my mom as well because she tried to treat him like a son because at the time his mom wasn't a very good person and he totally turned on her and me and he still hasn't gotten over it but he has called her and apologized but I can't help but think it will happen again @kenzie0713

kenzie0713

@ebbry I'm so sorry your going thru this. I completely get it, my mom was involved also, she went to my apt at the time to get stuff for me and my daughter and he in a way went after her also. She told me that she would never forget the look in his eyes, either will I. He has am insane mother and sister who always result to violence (his mother physically came at me when I was prego with my first daughter and he had to physically remove her from the house to protect me and his crazy sister just did the same to me Sunday and I'm 7 months prego, and couldn't understand true unconditional love bc they never had that. He has cut ties with them, broke down and cried saying he will not allow his daughter's to grow up how he did. He also agreed, actually recommended counseling for himself and us but with our work schedules and lack of help with child care he hasn't yet done it, I have, I went once a week for months. I know they say people don't change but my fiance has, in amazing ways. It took my mother several months to accept him again all the way and she was mad as hell at me for a couple weeks out of fear, she's my best friend, I'm an only child and she's divorced so we are crazy close but after a long talk with him and some time she's back to being more of a mother to him then his own. You have to go with your gut, make a decision and put your 100% behind it. I remember finding out I was prego with this baby 5 days after it happened and I would just cry. I couldn't look at him I couldny go near him, hell I could hardly stand to talk to him I cried morning noon and night and he just stayed and listened and took it, all of it and sometimes I was just cruel but I didn't care bc of what he put me through. That was almost 8 months ago and we are stronger then ever. I hope you figure this out hun I know its terrible to deal with but do what's best for you and your baby!! Just remember, whatever you decide follow it 100%, that's the best advice all of that therapy got me. They also said to me what are you doing to help the situation and I said nothing, I didn't do thus he did so I'm giving him a chance to make it right and he looked at me and said without my cooperation nothing would get accomplished. That was a very true statement!!

kenzie0713

Anytime you need to talk I'm here and I mean that!!

ebbry89

Thank you so much because its a similar situation to mines as well his mom always choose other men over him and put herself on a high horse and thinks she so much better then everybody and kind of shunned him out so I ended up taking her role in his life and didn't really mean to but he needed somebody to care about him and love him so I did that I gave him his first child and I thought everything would go well until he turned and it scared me so bad and to see him yell and curse at my mom threw me for a loop and after that he just been sad I can see it in his face how sad he is since it happened and that was the beginning of this year and in August I found out I was having his second child and I nearly hated myself and during the last few months of my pregnancy I wouldn't tell him anything about the baby until a few weeks ago and he has been taking care of our son since thanksgiving and now I'm getting out the hospital with the new baby he is gonna keep our son until I get better but he was sad wen he left because my mom won't allow him to come to our house so I don't know how he will see his daughter so me and my mom have to talk because he loves his kids and I don't wanna keep them from him @kenzie0713

kenzie0713

Does he live with his parents?? Or does he have his own place? Maybe you guys should work on trying to get a place, if your ready for that, and prove to your mom that he is a good man and that he wants to fix this.

ebbry89

No he has been on his on since 17 and I can't live with him that was the worst decision I made when I first had my son .. I wish I could but I would never put my self in another situation like that ever again even if we end up together we will probably live separately

kenzie0713

That doesn't sound like a good situation. Why can't you live with him if you don't mind me asking

ebbry89

That's how everything started when I finally got out of the hospital after the birth of my son he got a apartment for all 3 of us to live in I was very apprehensive at first but finally I decide well I will give it try...he said this was gonna be a place for us that turned out into a big dangerous lie .. We moved in a no more than a couple weeks his friend calls and needs a place to stay bc he was living in someone's garage and to me that's no place for anyone to live and this person is does have mental issues but I won't gonna let him sleep in someone's basement so I said ok first mistake he comes to live with us helps with rent cool then BD starts meeting guys in the neighborhood second mistake so my house just beginning to be the hang out place then BD other friend comes to visit and I noticed after the weekend he was still there and then he wound up staying there okay so it's me baby BD friend 1 and friend 2 in a 2 bedroom apartment so I had another damn mouth to feed and it started to get to where there was no food in the house I had about 10 dudes in my house all damn day and I'm the only female and I have a baby that I take care of day and night night and day and barely any help then it gets worse he meets this another dude guy ends up getting evicted and needed somewhere for his pit bull to stay so where did the damn dog stay at my house then dude ends up living at my house too and then his baby mama and son comes to visit and then they end up living there too SO YOU SEE WHERE IM STARTING TO LOSE MY MIND well in the mix of that before the last two people showed up I was highly frustrated because I was uncomfortable in my own home and we started fighting and the fights would get physical but at the end of them I would be the one bleeding he's bigger then me so I had no chance so now I have all these people in my house 24-7 illegal things popping off left and right food barely staying in the house no one has a job I was pretty much living in hell it was amazing how the bills was getting paid but I used my tanf and his mom not him helped with the rent as well so the pit bull got evicted because they aren't allowed then the owner of the dog got put in jail bc of some of the illegal things they were doing and the mental dude left because he started getting scared of my BD and didn't wanna pay rent anymore and the dude who got arrested his baby mama and her child still lived with us and the friend #2 .. Then my best friend at the time needed a place to stay bc she was coming back from Florida so I said yeah bc I was tired of being alone by the time she got there we kicked out the baby mama bc she won't helping with nothing and during all this we were still fighting so it all came to a head in January of this year when we got our eviction letter I had decided to move with him back nc but I changed my mine now my best friend and bd don't get along never have so on this Sunday where me and her were hanging out trying to come up with the rest of the rent money and yeah only me and her bd was no help we were in her room with the door closed and bd kept coming up there and bothering us thinking she was talking me out of being with him definitely not the case I just needed to get away from all the dudes downstairs so as the day progress he started being aggressive and he just snapped when I said I'm just gonna take my son and go stay with my mom until we both get jobs and get another place (never my intentions bc he can't keep house I just have to sugar coat things with him) but he didn't like that so next thing you know I felt my face go sideways and my glasses fly off and I touched my face and I was bleeding he just had hit me with a plastic laundry bag half full with clothes and the impact made my glasses cut my eyebrow open so I'm freaking out asking him to let me out the room and he wouldn't bc that's what he does he keeps me hostage and takes my phone so I won't leave or call anyone mind you we still have a house full of people so he finally lets me out but I yell out to my friend to call my mom and it just goes from there moms come he curses her out we get in her care I had to leave my son in the house bc he wouldn't let me leave the house with him and we drive around the corner and call the police and its been a rocky road since then long I know but that's what happen he hasn't been right since it happened he has been sad and lost and I cut all ties with him but I had a weak moment a couple months afterwards and that's how I ended up pregnant but I still stopped talking to him all together but he won't move on he said he will never move on we been together since he was young and I said he bc I was a cougar lol just kidding but I'm 23 going on 24 and and he is 21 going on 22 we been together for 6 years not not consistently during the last 2 years but I was with him when things went wrong with him and his mom and I took care of him I missed a lot of school so eventually my grades got bad and I dropped out of college and for financial reason too

kenzie0713

Oh I remember reading ab this a while back, yeah that's a bad situ but if hes living that way I would reconsider allowing your children to stay there at all.

ebbry89

Well he got evicted so he no longer has that place now he he lives with someone and else and none of that stuff is tolerated so I'm comfortable with my son being with him now plus he his apartment complex is right across the street from his moms neighborhood so he has help when he needs it so everything has completely changed and I can tell he has grown up a little bit because he's been working and taking care of our son and since I've been in the hospital he has really been a big help with our son so I can recover from this c section so im just really considered with the physical aspect even tho he vowed it would never happen again