Im really missing my babygirl tonight :'(

perlyperly
edited January 2013 in Loss
I've mentioned before that i lost my first pregnancy at 17wks. My baby was a girl, and i named her Natalia.
I don't know why, but i miss her so much tonight. I keep looking at her pictures and i feel like crying so bad. I wish i could hold her and kiss her again. I don't like being sad. It makes me feel like i remember her as a sad episode or something like that and that is definitely not was she was to me.
I HATE THIS!!! I love her so much, why wasn't she meant to stay??? I wanted to watch her grow. I wanted to wake up next to her everyday... This is so hard :'(
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Comments

  • julesjules
    I'm soo sorry. I can't imagine going through that. But the only thing I know is God had much better plan for her and maybe one of these days He will reveal that plan to you. But I'm sure that doesn't take away the pain. It's ok to be sad sometimes and just let it out . I'm here if you need someone to talk to. Hope you feel little better soon.
  • MommyLovesSparkleMommyLovesSparkle
    I'm so sorry :( i have no encouraging words to say but I'm thinking about you and praying for you and her.
  • perlyperly
    @jules thank you. I think i just need to cry a little bit. I know God took her for a good reason, and one day i'll understand. Today is just one of my down days. Im still very glad i was able to meet her and tell her how much i love her. I just wish she would've stayed :(
    But she sent me her little brother, and made sure he was due a few days after her birthday... so we will always be connected in someway.
  • perlyperly
    @mommylovessparkle thank you. And don't worry, i just need to cry tonight. I'll be ok.
  • AubreysmommyAubreysmommy
    Time will help all wounds but a mothers loss is devestating. You will meet her again one day sweetie. Crying is perfectly aceptable
  • perlyperly
    @aubreysmommy thank you :)
  • AubreysmommyAubreysmommy
    Your welcome sweetie. My angel baby would of been 2 on april 24th but my little angel baby sent me My daughter :-) if you every want to talk I pop on here once in a while
  • perlyperly
    @aubreysmommy thank you. My angel baby would've been 2 on May 14th. Im now 22wks pregnant and Im due on May 17th.
  • SalasMommySalasMommy
    Im so sorry hun =( if you need to talk i can pm u my number on fb ive had two angel babies
  • perlyperly
    @salasmommy thank you. Im not crying anymore. Im trying to relax because i could feel the baby being very active while i was crying so i got scared and i stopped. You can send me your number and i'll send you mine.

    My Natalia looked so beautiful in her white little dress. I would post a picture but i don't know if i should, or if it'll be offensive.
  • julesjules
    And like I said sometimes we just need to cry it out and your right she really did send you another baby that's very beautiful. IM not sure if you ever shared your story on here but I would love to hear it. And I'm sure you're like girl was beautiful I don't think it's offensive at all. She was a gift from God and still is and you can always share that with everyone especially your son.
  • perlyperly
    @jules i was actually already on Pregly when it happened. I can bump the thread so you can see exactly everything. I'll post a picture in a few minutes in this post.
  • perlyperly
    @salasmommy @jules @aubreysmommy @mommylovessparkle
    This is Natalia...
    http://i1273.photobucket.com/albums/y401/ncanales14/imagejpeg_3_zps6019303f.jpg

    http://i1273.photobucket.com/albums/y401/ncanales14/imagejpeg_8_zps3c421b18.jpg
  • julesjules
    Oh my goodness that is such miracle. I am very thankful you shared that not many get to see something soo amazing and just Helps me remember how amazing God is and everything that he creates.
  • perlyperly
    @jules i was completely amazed. She was already formed. It was so unreal. God is wonderful.
  • julesjules
    To be honest I'm very amazed as well it must have been even more amazing at the time compared to the picture. If you don't mind me asking but was it a still birth or no. I bet it would have been very hard going through a surgery then losing your beautiful baby due to the situation most likely but I'm very proud of you.
  • perlyperly
    @jules unfortunately, a baby born sleeping before 24wks is still considered a miscarriage
  • YNVTishYNVTish
    Wow .. I can't even imagine going through this. Praying for you!
  • perlyperly
    Thank you @YNVTish
  • julesjules
    Soo I saw your other comment as well figured I'd save you some time :) but I agree and it kinda sucks but we do learn through our hard times and so do others learn through us. But it's kinda crazy to think that there's nothing doc can do before 24 weeks I wish that was different and maybe one day it will be. And again thank you for sharing.
  • perlyperly
    @jules i really do hope that one day technology and medicine advances to where less babies are born sleeping. It is such a painful experience, and parents aren't supposed to bury their babies/children.
  • ExcitedForOctoberExcitedForOctober
    I'm so sorry you were you having a bad day hun. I can imagine some days are harder than others, even though I can tell you are strong you deserve your days when you just need to have a good cry.
  • WilsomomWilsomom
    I hope you're having a better day today. I think it's normal & probably good to have those crying spells to get your emotions out. I had one 2 days ago too. I was also on pregly when I mc'd at 14 weeks. It was so encouraging to have support. I hope you get lots of love & encouragement here too! I can tag you if you want to see my angel baby pics too. It is so amazing to see the work of God in our wombs.
  • AubreysmommyAubreysmommy
    What a beautiful little angel!
  • SalasMommySalasMommy
    Such a beautiful angel honey dont be said she is resting i will send you my number
  • julesjules
    I sure hope so too!
  • perlyperly
    @excitedforoctober @wilsomom @aubreysmommy thank you ladies :)
    this was all last night (Im a vampire, i sleep during the day and Im awake at night lol) so i feel better now.
  • firsttimemomfirsttimemom
    @perly how are you? I Didn't know what to say so yeah. I hope you feel better today.
  • perlyperly
    @firsttimemom i feel better today. This all happened last night, while hubby was at work and i was all alone. But i cried, and im better now. Thank you for asking :)

    @everyone believe it or not, when you lose a baby... You do get some sort of peace in your heart after a while. You are never the same person again, but you become a new one. The pain NEVER goes away, you just learn how to live with it. And even after the years have passed, you still have that one down day every now and then. But once you've found that peace in your heart, its easier to cry and let it all out and then pick yourself back up. I know she wasn't meant to stay, and i accept that. I know what her purpose was, and Im so happy God chose me to be her mother, if only for a short time. I've grown so much, and i became a better person. Im now expecting a baby boy, and i know i will be a better mother to him than i could've been had this not happened because my understanding of being a mother is another.

    Thank you all. That is why i LOVE my Preglys lol. Wouldn't trade you for anything :)
  • WilsomomWilsomom
    ^^ I totally agree! :)
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