need your opinon...moving and step-daughter

arysmommy1116

We are trying to purchase a home but my husband is concerned with his daughter and ex situation. We currently share cuatody were shes with us one wk and with her mom the other wk. Before that my husband had her full time-nothing is court ordered just through mutual agreement. Well if we move shell probably wont go to same school and they wont live close enough. Hubby is concerned. If he had her full time before shouldnt it be right for him to keep her full time again and they get her every other weekend and maybe see her once day during the week? I dont think we should revolve our lifes around what convinient for his ex b/c she disdnt when she sdeciand our.income is serring us on a different side of town (only about 20-30 min up the feeeway). I can.understand his worry but i dont wanna live in an apartment because of that

ashley_smashley

Did he have her full time by court order before? If not then the mom may take him to court.

perly

Was she staying with him because it was court ordered or because it was a mutual agreement as well?
If it was a mutual agreement, is there any reason why she can't live with her mother?

captivated

I don't see why she would not live with her mother. If she does not agree, he will need to file for custody. Neither of them are entitled to keep the child full time without the other's consent. Will need a court ruling if the mother does not agree

arysmommy1116

Well she wasnt with her because she basically left them and was out partying so my husband raised her since 9mo old, she is now 9. But she for the past couple of years they've been doing this 1weekend wk on/off. She is extremely attached to her dad ...i would hate for this to go to court

captivated

Very sad Unless they're married, most states automatically have assumed custody with the mother, so even if they've had an agreement in the past, it was never court ordered so he would need to go to court.

jules

If he had her full time before by a court order and then through a mutual agreement he was willing to give her every other weekend then I think he doesn't need to worry. Unless someone moves likes hours away it doesn't really effect custody because their focus is what's best for the child which is be able to see both the parents if they are both fit. Which if Jr had her full time before his obviously a fit parent and has happy and save environment for her. I have step daughter as well and we went through this last year but my husband came around and realized that he has to focus on what's best for the rest of the family since he has wife and we have baby girl together. He came around after I told him that I am not going to revolve my life and what's best for my family around his ex. So if she wants to be selfish mother and not DJ what's best for her kid then when she's old enough she will know. Soo we just take the time we have with her and enjoy it and not let the drama of the ex get to us. Honestly it was bringing a lot of problems in our relationship and once I talked to him about it things have made bug turn around. Soo just sit down and have heart to heart about your worries and be honest about you just wanting to be in a house rather than an apartment and that you guys will figure everything out and make it work for the best of everyone . I hope that helps a little.

arysmommy1116

We just started looking for a home so we are gonna wait to see if we find something more concrete before we tell them anything and open that can of worms.thanks ladies

YNVTish

This might be sticky... Since she has 1/2 custody now she may not want to go back to every other weekend.

Looks like you may have to seek a court order on this.

Your right tho... Life goes on and you guys buying a house is a part of life.

perly

I would say that your husband talks to his ex and try to reach another agreement that will be convenient for both, and will not have negative effects on your step-daughter. It sounds like they've been able to arrange things before without getting the court involved, so it shouldn't be different now.
Either way, i hope this all works out for the best

jules

I think it's great idea to wait see what u really want to do before talking to her. Hope everything works out!