This is what happens when your ex is a douche bag...

Wilsomom

My oldest 3 kids are from my previous marriage, they're now 20, 17 & 16. I left my ex due to him being mentally and emotionally abusive. When he started getting physical I drew the line and left. The kids were 4, 11 months and I was 8 months pregnant. He decided to move back with his grandparents which were out of state 12 hours away. He didn't call, come or write for 4 years!!

I got remarried and my current husband said maybe we should contact him so the kids could at least try to have their father in their life....he never knew his and so it was a sore spot for him. Well their dad came back into their lives for about a year or so. He was a total Disneyland dad to the max. It hurt me so bad to see them get so excited and happy to see him. He was buying them things and taking them places I could never afford.

Well for some reason he left again....another 4 years!! The kids were confused and heartbroken. They didn't understand but I didn't talk bad about him. Eventually he started seeing them again about once a year. Once they became teenagers they started noticing the little things they hadn't before....no Christmas presents, no happy birthday wishes, promises not kept, phone calls not returned.

Then as young adults they noticed even more....no help buying a first car, not coming to his daughter's wedding, finding out major things on Facebook. Like 2 days ago they saw on Facebook that their dad was having surgery. On Facebook! Well, they didn't call him, they didn't ask him what was going on. They just casually mentioned it to me and went on with their day.

Today comes a phone call from his grandmother..."Have the kids call me, something's happened to their dad" on my voice mail. The youngest one calls and finds out their dad is in the hospital with an infection. It's really bad, it's serious. She gives them his phone number at the hospital and asks them to call him.

Do you think the kids called him? (The youngest 2 at home that is) Do you think they even cared? I think deep down through the hurt they care. But at this moment in time they don't care. It's so sad. To quote my 17 year old, "If he dies he should've called me and told me he was having surgery!" So, so sad, for the kids, for their dad, for everyone.

I don't know what's going on with their dad and if an infection from a surgery can be life threatening or what.

My 20 year old daughter just called me as I was writing this and said she called and he had hernia surgery and that he had to be taken to the hospital in the middle of the night due to the infection. His grandmother and her step mom seem as if he might not make it. She's confused and doesn't know what to do. Does she drop everything and travel there just in case, or are they making a bigger deal about it than it is? (They are very over dramatic) She's going to call the hospital and see if she can get some information from the nurse or doctors.

I guess the moral of this story is that the kids will figure out the truth on their own....eventually. Its hard and sometimes painful, but if you have an ex that's a douche bag, just let the kids figure it out...the truth always comes out in the end.

captivated

Poor kids. Life threatening from a hernia surgery? Serious complications are very rare. Not impossible though. Infection leads me to believe something like sepsis, where the infection spreads through the blood and can begin to shut the body's organs down. I would have her call. But they may not give any info. If it is indeed as serious as they made it sound, he would likely be in ICU. so even if they give her no info, they can at least tell his location and you can judge the severity from there!

Wilsomom

Thanks @captivated I'll tell her to ask about icu, that's a good idea. She tried to talk to him, but he wasn't coherent due to all the medications.

I wrote this post on my computer & it didn't look so long until I looked on my phone! Sorry!

Frantastic

My fil had a bad hernia surgery. They damaged a nerve and he ended up losing a testicle (I find this hilarious because I can't stand the guy) so stuff can go wrong. I hope your kids get through this ok.

Wilsomom

@frantastic Thanks... I hope everything turns out ok for the kids too. Your poor fil lol

crystaldawn0830

I completely agree with your statement about letting the children realize their dad sucks on their own. My husband has two much younger brothers and his mom was always MORE than nice and accommodating to their crappy dad. I NEVER could understand it bc I came form A happy household with two amazing happily married parents. However, twelve years later, the kids are in their teens and realizing that their dad is the way his is on their own. Now, they can look at their mom and see what all she did and how much she gave for them. She is a much better person than I could ever be! I have no idea how she held her mouth closed so many times. She told me that she never wanted to sway their thoughts about their father. Let them make the decisions for theirselves.
I feel bad for your kids bc this puts them in such a crappy spot! You sound like a great mom...and I've stalked your other post....just know that your older boys will get it together someday soon. Just keep on them like you have been and in years to come they will thank you!

Wilsomom

@crystaldawn0830 Thank you so much for the kind words and thoughts! It means a lot.

Steph_Due_101611

My mom died on the table during a hernia repair but was revived. She did end up with mrsa that went into sepsis and her incision busted open on the dr. She's lucky to be alive today. She's since had 3more hernia repairs. Her 4th put her in the hospital for 2months. She ended up with a horrible infection on an iv at home and a hemovac.

captivated

That is terrible. Like I said, life threatening complications are very rare from hernia repairs. So sad to hear about those cases. That is terrible

jules

I agree with @captivated very rare and she should call if they don't go into detail she can go of the basic location if it's serious she's right he would be in the nicu Good luck and I think u have done great job. I'm sorry his putting your kids through all this stuff.

Roxy

this sounds like my child hood my mom raise me and my two simblins my dad was in and out of jail my mom was seperated fr him well he would right me letters always made promises he never kept i would always beieve him then when he did get out i wouldnt see or here from him then i notice it was only when he was n jail i would here from him well any ways to make story short my mom would get hurt and sad when my dad did come and take us to get a hamburger or give us $ she felt he was gonna win r love well as time went by i got older i notice he wanted to b n are lifes were old now and not to be mean i have my own family now hes sick so i think maybe thats y he wants to come around cause the party is over for him hes old and lonley so yes as kids get older we see and learn and we never forget who raised us

Mackenzies_mama2010

Sounds a lot like my dad has been in an out of my life would come get me n my siblings buy us stuff and do cool things then the visits got shorter and shorter and now he try's to blame my mom for not seeing us

Wilsomom

@Mackenzies_mama2010 @roxy
That is so sad, I'm sorry you had such a bad experience with your dads growing up.

Roxy

@Mackenzies_mama2010 I for got that to he did blame my mom for not letting him see us.

perly

@wilsomom my story is a little different because my dad married a wonderful woman and thanks to her my dad started coming around more. However, he never took the time to build a relationship with me. He came back into my life when i was about 9 or 10 years old but he came back with the "Im your father, and what i say goes" mentality and that really pushed me away. Up to this day, Im sad to say that my dad doesn't know who i really am. My dad is not that one special man in my life, because he never tried to be that. I thank God i have a father because i do love him, but i would never give my life for him.
My mom in the other hand, she is more than a mother to me. I love her so much, i would do and give anything away for her. She is my everything. My dad may not be the best, but my mom makes up for it.