i dont even know where to start---( a lil long but plz read)

Val

i got the worse horrible news this past monday; My sons step mom passed away in car a wreck. She and my sons dad had split up back in Nov i believe, and she went on this "single" trip where i understand where she came from.
A lil background and some probably had read my post before--her & I coudlnt get along at all. WE had disagreements like every other week. we bumped heads in anything and every way.
This situations has hurt so much im in so much pain. She left her kids a 2yr (thats my sons half brother) and 6 yr lil girl
I met up with my sons dad on Monday he seems ok but I know deep down hes not!! HEs freaking out--ALL he kept asing was why she do it? why did she have to keep partying? HE had their son this past weekend. He kep asking why she just coudlnt pick up the baby n go home?? i know that was just a way of him venting-- ITS still unknown if alcohol was involved it happened about 4am she was coming back from a concert or a party or somehing--
anyway im tore into lil peices. IDK why this has got to me more than i expected. IDK if its cus ive been there in her situation i wen twild when i was single drove drunkplenty of time n the thought that could have been me. OR the THE fact that we were sooo much alike or because after all shes the mother of my sons lil brother
im soo lost

jules

I'm sorry that's a lot to take in in sure. It's very hard probably because you love your son and you don't want him to be sad and her children are now without a mother and it's hard because u know it can happen to anyone and even though you and your ex aren't together I'm sure it's hard to see him in pain. He needs support right now I hope he has good family that can give it to him because now he has to get out together and take care of the kids that's overwhelming for most especially a man. I'm very sorry you all have to go through this.

Wilsomom

I'm so sorry! That would be very hard because like you said you can relate. Plus she was so involved in your life because of your son & everything so it's completely understandable that you're really upset. My best friends ex husband died in a car wreck & she was very upset & grieving for over a year...& she was happily remarried. I'm not saying you'll be upset that long, but just that it's normal. (((hugs)))

Val

thanks girls. IDK is it me feeling guity becuase of the drama we had??
this is really making me feel for my sons dad the pain he must be going thru he just txt me "how am I going to do this? what am I gna tell my 2 yr old son" my heart just broke. He even asked me to leave my bf to work things our with him-- but i know thats just him venting hes confused. He doesnt mean any of it. He scared to raise his lil one by himself. A part of me just want to run to him to take his SON under my wing and at the same time i wanna stay away from him. THATS WAT DROVE HER CRAZY ME TALKING AND BEING COOL WITH HIM (the baby daddy)
@Wilsomom @jules

Fate

I was just going to say you may have regrets about the drama. Like it could have been avoided or more civil between you. I am so sorry hun.

Máthair

First off don't blame yourself for "driving her crazy" it is better for your Lo if you and your ex get along, as a mother she should understand that. There must of been other things that pushed her besides you two being cool. So it's not your fault. I think you might just be feeling guilty, especially if you at any point wished her ill. ( I'm not saying you have - and even if you have no one will hold it against you, we've all done it at some point and anyone who says they haven't is lying)

The fact that you feel bad shows that you are a kind person, the type of person your Lo is going to need right now.

Maybe offer to watch your ex's baby but don't feel like you have to be a mom to him.

Val

@Mathair I think you got it right on point-- I FEEl like being a mother to him & I know its WRONG. dont get me wrong we pushed eachothers buttons bUT ive nvr wished naythign like that upon her. To a point i was even thinking im falling for him again & maybe its not falling for him idk IM SOOOO CONFUSED-- so hurt-- and its not like if i can go pay my respects, her family knew all the drama we had i dont think theyd approve of it i wish i can do more for my sons dad n his little one

ExcitedForOctober

How sad, my heart breaks for those poor children.

jules

Well it's ok to be sad for him and the kids but it's best to keep distance it's for the best and I would be upset too if my husbands ex was talking to him and it was outside of the things they need for the child. I think he can do this and in time he will be ok. I think it's ok if he has question on how to do something but I wouldn't communicate with him if he brings up things like that again. I mean I'm sure you love your bf now and wouldn't want to do anything to hurt him. And you two have a lot going on right now as well with the fertility things and now this. I think u just need some time to relax little so you don't get overwhelmed.

perly

@val Im so sorry for what you're going through. I know it must be hard. I would advice you to offer support with his 2yr old son and consult with your boyfriend about it as well. This can stir up feelings between you and your ex and you know the grass is not greener on the other side, so try to be supportive while keeping a distance. I know helping out will help cope with the feelings you have now.
Again, Im so sorry.

Val

@jules-- i know exactly what you mean. i am very confused and i know i need to keep my distance from him. Hes in gallable state of mind and i am too. I am although going to talk to my BF and ask him how he trully feels if I would to the bd out with things dad usually dont know about ex getting the baby medical his social security update his shots physicals pre school registrations. dentist appoint. etc..
@perly

jules

That's great idea! And your right they don't know but they are guys they are very capable with finding a solution they just need help making sure they know in the first place what is the routine. I think if your bf knows that he can be part of it and his advice is important he won't mind.

perly

@val yes ma'am, that's exactly what you should do. That way you can help while maintaining your relationship in a stable condition.

captivated

I am so sorry that this has happened. You definitely need to take a step back from your ex as you are endangering your relationship, even if it is subconsciously. You feel pity for him and surely want to "make it better". It's not your job dear. He's got to deal with this on his own and with his own support system. Keep your relationship platonic and strictly centered around your son, foryo your current relationships sake.

[Deleted User]

Sorry you are having to deal with this.

I know to family's that were destroyed by drunk drivers last year. Was there another car involved did she kill anyone else?

I hope ex and son find peace. Just make sure that you don't mess up ur relationship during this trial.