I want af already (long!)
No seriously! I was getting excited at the possibilities of pregnancy, even if I am doing this alone. I raised my first baby alone and my second since 6 months, not that he helped at all in that 6 months. Ffs he even left the hospital when she was a couple hours all because he was DYING for food n sleep. Even though he could eat and sleep at the hospital. Turns out he was DYING to Smoke a bong. I found out when she was 2 months old that he had been smoking everyday for 3 months and hiding it from me with clear eyes (eye drops). He was acting different though and I began not to like him, thinking I was just falling out of love with him and it was my fault. He quit, we went on happy for 3 months but I still didn't gain my feelings back as he isn't exactly a charmer, more like a filthy lazy slob, then he decided to lie to me about where he was one afternoon and I kicked him out. From then on he tried (in his words) everything, basically just telling me he loved and needed me, one day he actually did the dishes for me and cooked dinner. I nearly fell over. And one day I wasn't feeling well so he bought me food and looked free me. First time in 4 years. He didn't even hold my hand while I gave birth because I could just "hold on to the bed". So he proposed again and after 2 month of his efforts I decided to trust him and said yes. He was to move in in two weeks. I don't remember the two weeks fully but I do remember with on a few days I took my ring off. He put it back on a few days later and moved in a week early. He has work off that whole week. Are breakfast, left to see friends, car home, yell at me because he is trying to watch tv, I'd I wanted to watch my normal program w would get shitty and I'd give onto him after an argument, then I would go to bed and he would follow sometime in the early morning. On the 6th day I sid something. He said he would spend more time with me. As you know his mum is crazy so ur ends up bringing her up, tells me all this drama is my fault, we have a huge fight and I fall asleep crying. He gets up early and get dressed. I say why u doing. He says he has to go to centerlink to organize a job etc. about an hour later he lets me know e has gone to the job acces place where they find you a job and fund you to get certificates. About 2 hours later he calls to tell me he is heading to the tafe to discuss certificates. An hour later I drive past his friends house on the way to my friends house. This is where he was disappearing to everyday when he was smoking full on. His car is in their driveway. I call him. No answer. I MSG him asking if he is done with the tafe. He writes back 20minutes later saying yeah he's leaving now. I asked him to tell me the truth when he gets home but he starts telling me I'm crazy and in the head. Eventually I tell him I actually saw him and he tells me him lying was my fault because I didn't tell him straight up that I had seen him... Yeah get the f$&k out of my house!!!!
Next few days that follow he keeps telling me he loves me and his lie wasnt a big deal etc, he comes over and is all over me. I later that night MSG him and get no reply. The next morning he tells me he was having a movie night with 2 girls. One who he used to like and wasnt allowed o see while we were together and the other, my friend, who he didn't like soon wasn't allowed to see her. He tells me we aren't together so he can do what he likes and I tell him yes and it's going to stay that way. He gets all upset and says please don't leave me and I said we just weren't ment for each other. I didn't blame anything on him and I was so nice and eventually he tarts abusing me saying its all my fault and I'm ruining our daughters life and she is going to hate me etc etc. I ignored him. 3 days later I ask when he is going to see his daughter and he tells me he is busy and will see her on Easter. That's 9 days between visits. He's not working and he had written on fb that day that he needed something to do as he was bored. He said he wants to spend time with people who care about him and I cut sick saying his daughter cared. He pays nothing for we. Never buys her anything. The way he was basically saying his friends were more important than his daughter made me almost throw up. Im so upset. I seriously f@&king hate him so incredibly much.
One minute I don't mind If I'm pregnant and I'm all happy. Then I think about him and wish af would come. If I am pregnant, I need to think of this as my baby, not ours. I've done it before, I can do it again. I'm going to struggle a lot financially, and a lot emotionally as his family will make this hell as we'll as himself. Should I tell him when I find out? Wait a few weeks? He doesn't even know I might be. Suddenly I don't feel pregnant and just want to get drunk lol...
Next few days that follow he keeps telling me he loves me and his lie wasnt a big deal etc, he comes over and is all over me. I later that night MSG him and get no reply. The next morning he tells me he was having a movie night with 2 girls. One who he used to like and wasnt allowed o see while we were together and the other, my friend, who he didn't like soon wasn't allowed to see her. He tells me we aren't together so he can do what he likes and I tell him yes and it's going to stay that way. He gets all upset and says please don't leave me and I said we just weren't ment for each other. I didn't blame anything on him and I was so nice and eventually he tarts abusing me saying its all my fault and I'm ruining our daughters life and she is going to hate me etc etc. I ignored him. 3 days later I ask when he is going to see his daughter and he tells me he is busy and will see her on Easter. That's 9 days between visits. He's not working and he had written on fb that day that he needed something to do as he was bored. He said he wants to spend time with people who care about him and I cut sick saying his daughter cared. He pays nothing for we. Never buys her anything. The way he was basically saying his friends were more important than his daughter made me almost throw up. Im so upset. I seriously f@&king hate him so incredibly much.
One minute I don't mind If I'm pregnant and I'm all happy. Then I think about him and wish af would come. If I am pregnant, I need to think of this as my baby, not ours. I've done it before, I can do it again. I'm going to struggle a lot financially, and a lot emotionally as his family will make this hell as we'll as himself. Should I tell him when I find out? Wait a few weeks? He doesn't even know I might be. Suddenly I don't feel pregnant and just want to get drunk lol...
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