Step mom question!

lilpeapod913

I have been a part of my step daughters life since she was almost 2, she's going to be five in a couple months. When she met me she called me Miss Sara. Then I got pregnant with our son and asked that we drop the "miss" part. Well now that my son is talking, whenever she is with us, he calls me Sara instead of mommy. He wouldn't even call me mommy for a very long time because he always heard her call me Sara. Her dad and I got married almost a year ago and she has asked me twice now if she can call me mommy to help him to not call me by my first name. I've told her no because she has a mommy, but I've recently suggested coming up with a nickname or a "special" name for me that she can call me..I explained it like since everyone else has a special name aside from their first name (mommy, daddy, auntie, granny, papa) that it would be nice for me to have a special too.. When I look online, it seems like I'm in the minority, but what do you all think? Any nickname suggestions? Thanks!

perly

I absolutely LOVE your idea. My brother's girlfriend made my niece call her mommy and now she says she has two mommies. And then when she talks about her mom, she kinda gets confused and sometimes she tries explaining what she meant and other times she just drops it. I feel so bad for her. She's 5yrs old too and this has made her so confused.

Sorry about my story. I know it doesn't answer your question, but i truly admire the way you have decided to handle this.

lilpeapod913

Thanks @perly I am going to suggest Nani and Mimi or Mia (like momma mia). I suggested Mimi before her nap and she didn't seem to love it, but she was in a silly mood.suggesting "ill call you fufu.cuz it's cute!" lol. I want something that wouldn't be too weird for my son and soon to be daughter to call me as well. They are all so.little and don't understand the difference btwn SD and them.

MorgDeeBee

I was thinking mimi too. I like the idea

perly

Mimi sounds like a great idea. I like it. Bring it up again and see what she says.

Almost5

Myn husband is not the father of my 2 oldest girls. When they first met my oldest called him aj at first, then daddy aj, and now just daddy. The actual dad is now Matt Daddy. They came up with that all on their own. My step brother started out calling my mom momma carol and then dropped the carol part. My friend has a step daughter who called her momma liz, but now just mom. Cute idea if that's what she wants to do. My son started calling "matt daddy" to the girls dad and that was hard to explain how that isn't his dad at all ever. But he still does.

Frantastic

My niece couldn't say my name for a long time. My name is Franny but it always came out Nini. She's almost 7 now and still calls me Nini and I love it. It's funny because she's dropped the auntie part and I'm just Nini now.

monkey_girl

What wrong with her calling you mom or mommy if she wants to? I had friends who called their step parents dad or mom.

captivated

I think she should call you whatever she wants to call you. So long as it isn't forced or coerced, I see no problem with it. My daughter calls my husband daddy. Her choice. If my daughter decided to call her biological father's future wife mommy, I'd have no is with it if that is what she wishes.

captivated

I'd have no problem with it if that is what she wishes*

MommyLovesSparkle

I love your idea your a great person.

jules

Well IM step mom and I agree the kid should be able to call you whatever is comfortable and if child ever asks if it's ok to.call u mommy it's their way of wanting to fit in the home and not feel like they are not part of the family while they are in that home. It might have actually hurt her feelings and she used that as reason when she just wants to feel normal. Sounds like she's worried about not hurting Antonia feelings which they shouldn't have to worry about at this age. We went through this when my step daughter was told by her mom to call her new husband daddy she didn't want her mom or new husband to be hurt or her real dad so she calls him his first name followedby daddy. Now it has been very hard for her because everyone asks her why and she gets sad and confused that's why my husband and I have always told her it was ok as long as she's happy and that it doesn't hurt her real daddys feelings my husband BC no matter what he will always be her daddy. I mean at the end of it all they know who is really who they all grow up and making big deal out of it just makes their situation even harder.

Almost5

I agree with @jules and @captivated. It was really sweet of her to want to call u mommy, and even tho she says its so that your own child will call u that, it's her way of accepting u as her own, which is one hell of a compliment. Especially at this age. Now if she were 15 or so, I would kinda get it, but this convo wouldn't be happening

starrxoxo9

I know everyone is different and I'm not even in the same situation, but I'd be heartbroken if my daughter ever called another woman mommy. I like Mimi or Mia.

perly

In my case, my niece's situation broke my heart because she was forced to call her stepmom, mom. I think that if it comes out of the child's heart to call his/her stepmom mom then there shouldn't be a problem.
I never called my stepmom mom because i felt that it was only fair that she have her own space in my heart and life. My mom is my mom and she is my stepmom. I don't call her mom because my relationship with her is not like the relationship i have with my mom. Our relationship is different and unique, and even though many people think that the term "step-mom" is harsh, she knows that to me its not about what i call her but about who she is and means in my life and heart.

I guess that in my opinion, a name isn't really just a name but also about the place that each person takes in your heart.

Wilsomom

My oldest boys started calling my husband dad on their own the second we got married. They were so excited to have a dad bc their real dad wasn't in their life at the time. (they were 4 & 5)
Funny thing though, when they turned about 12 they started calling him by his name bc their real dad was back in the picture & they felt like it was betraying him.
My hubby was very understanding bc he had a stepdad growing up, but it kind of bothered me a little.
I guess it's just different for each family & each situation & you just have to do what you think is best!

veevee

I asked my mom this question and she actually said... She'd feel honored and happy if her stepchild called her mama or mom. It means the child likes you and trust you in a maternal role.

A friend of mine was in a similar situation and told me she nearly teared up when her stepdaughter called her mom. At first the child didn't like her and one day the were playing and she called her mom. She thought it was a slip up and then she started calling her mom more. It made her finally feel welcome. The stepdaughter calls my friend mom and her real mother mommy. Her mother has no problem with it.

I honestly think its okay.

tjscrd

I agree that you should feel honored she wanted to call you mommy. My stepdad's been in my life since I was about 3 and because he never made me feel accepted in my mom's new family, I never called him anything but his first name. He TOLD me to call him dad when I was very young because my little sister called him by his first name a few times but as a child, I refused. She see's you as a mommy, and I also agree she may feel hurt, and feel as though she's somewhat outcasted. However, if you're very for a different name instead I like mimi.

doodles

Have you looked up the word for mother in other languages? Maybe an idea. It might be difficult with the smaller kiddies though

2girls_2boys

I also have a almost 5 yo stepdaughter and she calls me mama my daughters call me mamá (Spanish version) my 1yo stills don't speak but you ask him where's mama he knows its me .... my stepdaughter knows the difference her mom its mommy ....