absolutely lost..*small.update

kayleigh27

You guys dont have to answer this. I'm just venting away.

I grew up with a crappy home life. I was raised with just a sick it up and stay quiet kind of living. My dad and mom constantly fought and I mostly stayed in my room and we never really were a "sit down and talk about problems" family. Well its been years now and ive battled depression and all sorts of other stuff since then. Ive gone to quite a few different therapists but nothing really comes out of it. I don't know how to open up and just talk and when I do I only say a few words or just shut down all together. I know it was the way I was raised but I'm getting tired of it. Its ruining my relationships. And therapy goes to crap because nothing ever gets accomplished. I just finished with another one today and after all those sessions I stuck around in...absolutely nothing. Zeltch. Nada. I just feel super alone because I don't have anyone to talk to. I have no friends. My husband is an ass and when I was going through mental issues before he was always "just snap out of it" "its because you make yourself sad" blah blah blah so I don't feel I can ever go to him again about that. Im not suicidal by all means but my life just really sucks right now

***so she basically dumped me yesterday when I called to make an appointment during my lunch break. She said that was too difficult to handle. She got snippy with me because I told her I did what she wanted me to. To get on medication and then call her when I was ready. But I guess that wasn't good enough. She talked to me like I was a little kid. I got snippy with her too btw. But I cant help but feel bad. It takes me awhile to open up and now I have to deal with the fact that I'm too difficult.

jules

Well first of I'm very sorry all that u been through with your past my biological family was same. And I'm sorry it has given you this negative side effect. I will be praying for you! Also I'm here if u need anyone to talk to your welcome to text or whatever whenever you need someone. Also as far as the therapy maybe you can try writting things down and keeping journal and letting your doc read it either to himself or outload bc your doing great job sharing on here. Maybe after time you will feel comfortable to actually physically say these things. And if you don't want to continue the therapy I would still encourage the journal idea and write down things make you feel down and things make you feel happy. After time you will notice a pattern and you can start eliminating the negative out of your life. And u will find a deeper answer to why you feel the way you do..or why it's been hard to move on if that's the case.

Wilsomom

The good news is you're talking to us, & that's a start ! Maybe like @jules said, start a journal on your computer or even write letters to people in your life. You don't even have to give them the letters. Write one to yourself too & forgive yourself for all those negative things that bother you. Make lists of what you love & appreciate about yourself & other people. And of course, you can always talk & vent here!

kayleigh27

Update at top

Mijita

She probably felt you two were an incompatible match and that you wouldn't benefit from her services, or that you aren't ready for change. You don't take medication because someone tells you to, you take it because you want to to better your mental health.

Mijita

Next time you seek therapy try being a little more open-minded. You may also start by explaining your resistance/hardship in opening up. I think if you focus on that barrier and are able to work on modifying it, you may find you have better results and in turn a change in mood behaviors. Therapist are not there to judge you, but there to provide strategies and tools to help you overcome destructive behaviors. They are not there to fix you, or change you. I think it's important to know the difference between this distinction and you'll have better outcomes.

kayleigh27

@mijita she was after me from like the second Time I saw her to get on! medications. I didn't feel that I needed them but she kept after me so then ii saw her early may and she again says that she would like me to get on medication celexa. That I need to get on that medication. This was the 5th time that I had seen her. But I agree and tell her I'm getting the meds. She wanted me to see a psychracist to get on medication. Well that's not how on base drs work. You see mental health then they send you to your physician who then gives you the drugs. Well I had taken wellbutrin in the past and wellbutrin was told by mental health on base to me that it was a good medication and if it was working then to continue it. So I went to my physician told her what was going on and she put me on wellbutrin on the 10th. The therapist told me to call her again when I was ready and then we'll talk. So I waited a couple of weeks for the meds to kick in a little bit and then i called. She was all upset because I didn't go through it like she wanted me to. And was saying that I had left her hanging. I told her I was going to give it some time beforehand. So I explained to her how on base stuff works and what she told me. So then the therapist basically starts talking down to me like I'm slow or something telling me to repeat everything back to her because she was mad when I told her she was cutting out when she was talking to me. Saying did you HEAR THAT? after everything she said. Its not my fault her phone was cutting out and I didn't hear the last part of her sentence. She then was all like well how is that medication working for you. I said it was working fine. I had taken it in the past and it had worked. It was like I had told her a lie the way she started acting after that.

littlenat86

Sounds like you are definitely better off without her! X