What do you do?

pregoagainYAY

Probably not the catergory to put this in but oh well.....I have always wanted a big family, my husband knew this.....We have two right now but I would like two more but husband says "NO" This is not something he decides alone and I know I cant do that either.....So how do youyou compronise on this? What can you do so both are happy? Im afraid of waiting to long, there is six years between my first two and I dont want a big age gap like that again.....Im pretty torn right now

jules

Oh thats hard I'm sorry. Has he always knows u wanted 4 kids? I think it obviously needs to be talked about maybe he will be ok with one more start there! I know how u feel my hubby has daughter from his previous marriage so he was thinking he was done then after some talking he realized this is new family so we had daughter who 5 years younger then his with his ex. Then for little he kept saying he was done but has enjoyed our lo soo much plus it makes difference when u have happy home its actually fun raising kid together. He knew that I wanted our lo to have sibling close in age not that his daughter doesn't count as sibling but shes 5 years older and mostly with her mom now since we moved. So he realized it wasn't fair for our lo to be alone so now I'm pretty much 6 months and our girls will be little less then 2 years apart then were most likely done since we just want them to have each other. I would just try havw calm heart to heart but im sure u have and tell him u wanna compromise maybe just one more... hey thats great start maybe he gets overwhelmed when he hears two more one step at time

pregoagainYAY

Thank you @jules, I appreciate it When I bring it up he gets almost annoyed or angry about it.....I said that this is nothing new he knew how many children I wanted, and he kind of shrugs me off

monkey_girl

This ones a hard one! I mean you can't make someone have kids that they don't want. Maybe try to put yourself in his position? What if your husband was making you have kids you didn't want? There might even be some resentment there. I know he was aware of your desire to have four but people change and minds change.

jules

I understand not being able to make anyone have children. However this conversation they had prior to marriage and the fact that his just brushing u off is not ok. Next conversation shouldn't start with children or having more babies. It needs to start with whats going on with us our family? U neeed to make it clear that him keep brushing u off isn't good for you as couple therefore the entire family is effected. If he likes it or not the conversation needs to happen and it needs to come to a compromise. Too many people get divorce from this stuff its big deal and u guys need to come to some sort of an.agreement or understanding. It will either be u giving up and being ok with it, him trying figure out what's really the problem and finally being on same page as u. Or if it keeps getting pushed off by him its not gonna end well something this big cant bd ingonored or forgotten no matter how hard someone might try. I wouldn't give up if I were u I sure hope he comes around or at least tries to open up why he doesn't want more?

perly

You should definitely talk to him and get on the same page. Like @jules said, whether you both agree that the 2 you have is enough or maybe one more wouldn't be bad, its something that needs to settled. Yeah, if you have one more without him being on board may cause resentment, but if you're not given the chance to at least talk about it you might end up dealing with your own resentment.
Point is that, it doesn't matter what you both agree on... This is a conversation that needs to happen and get over with.

pregoagainYAY

@jules thank you, you are very right....We are going to figure this out sooner than later I hope

jules

I hope u guys can come to good compromise!

pregoagainYAY

Me too sweets........Me too