mil

So my mil is someone who thinks her way is the best way (and the only way) things shoukd be done. I've always wanted a big family but once I had my first and really understood how expensive children are I said I woukd settle with 3. We currently have two a boy and girl. My mil has made it very clear that she thinks we should stop now. The we found out our second was a girl the fiest thing she said literally was "Yay a girl, you have one of each now get your tubes tide". I have made it very clear to her we are having a third. In july we announced we were pregnant with our third but unfortunately miscarried. When we announced her mouth hung open like she was trying to catch flies! She said "congrats if this is what you want but but you have no idea how hard 3"is" I kept my mouth shut but I should of said "well neither do you seeing as you only had two". I'm not the neatest person in the world my laundey piles up there are toys all over but to me its nothing disgusting you can just tell we live in a house with two small children :). Me and my husband only fight about obe thing really and its cleaning. He thinks since I only work 3 days a week that our house should be spotless (likes his mom kept their home growing up). We argue about this maybe once a month at the most and it usually occurs if I've been out a few days in a row and dishes start to pile and the clutter builds up. Well we argued about it last weekend and I made the mistake opening up to his mom about it. I made a comment that we don't really argue but when we do its always about the same thing. She asked what and I said cleaning. She said "well no surprise there! So why don't you keep the house clean if that will make michael happy?"so ignored the question and I changed the subject. So Thursday night I'm at work and get a call from ny husband saying I need to come home vc our 8 month old is burning up and crying for two hours straight and her heart is pounding out of her chest. So I rush home to give her tylenol and sooth her. She was teething and popped two teeth that night. My husband and baby fall asleep on the couch and I grab his phone to take a picture of them and his text messages are open to his mom. She had sent pictures of the kids so I scroll through the pictures and then I get to a conversation that goes like this (sue is my mil and mike is my husband.
Sue: how's it going?
Mike: alright we are all a little sick though
Sue: aw I wish I could take care of you. Is katrina at work?
Mike: yes, I think we are coming to vusit sunday and watch football If that's ok.
Sue: yes that would be good bring your laundry. I miss the kids they are so darn cute!
Mike: lol bring laundry? And if they are so cute why don't you want us to have another one?
Sue:I'm serious bring laundry! Unless Katrina is stepping up. She can't organize the two kids you have or keep up with laundry now lots of things need to change before you guys bring another bsby into this world.
Sue: the diaper bag needs to be cleaned out. Grayson needs good gym shoes for his feet and he needs a haircut!
Sue: maybe grayson and emersyn should just come live with me.
Sue: you do make cute babies though.

Mike never responded to any of her texts. I started crying as soon as I read them. Like she thinks I'm this horrbile mom bc my house is a little messy. She has said inappropriate things to me since me and mike started dating but this was the straw that broke the camels back and I finally spoke up and said something to her! Thanks for listening ladies I just wanted to get your opinions and feelings on the matter. What would you do?

Comments

  • Oh my goodness!! That's just so wrong on so many levels! I don't even know what to say. But I think you could definitely use a ((hug)) !!!
  • Wow I would have said alot of things to her!! I don't know your whole situation but if your unable to tidy bc the children just mess up what you've just tidied (I only have 1 atm & know how frustrating it is) why doesn't she offer to watch your LOs for an afternoon or something, how did she manage when hers were little?
    I know how you feel I'd much rather have time with my boy while he's young before he realizes how embarrassing and boring I am and wants to spend all his time with friends or girls and is all grown up. The house work can wait for a little bit while you enjoy the good years :)

    I hope it gets better for you :)
  • Ohh hell no. The kids should go live with her because your house gets messy?? What a ridiculous thing to say. I work 3 days a week too (3 in a row thurs fri sat) and by Saturday my house is a disaster and honestly idgaf lol. My bf works 40hrs a week and does all the manly duties but the cleaning, laundry, etc falls on my shoulders. However, when it falls behind he never says anything. He simply doesn't care lol and I am grateful for that. I mean, when you live in your house 24/7 with kids AND work, what do people expect?? I'll admit that if I was a sahm or my work days were spread out a little it might not get so bad on the weekends but I don't let it bother me. Like you said, it's not disgusting, it's just kid stuff, a little laundry and maybe a few dishes. BFD. I'd tell that woman if she doesn't like it, come clean it!!! Lol
  • Oh my gosh I'm so so sorry. That's hard bc your feel stuck bc yes she's your mil however you don't deserve that and have to stand up for yourself. It's great that your hubby didn't respond. Im not sure if I would come over it would probably be uncomfortable. If she has problem with it I would say well we're really busy today doing laundry and stuff. And if she wants to see her grandkids no one is stopping her she I'm sure is welcome to come visit. I think she crossed the line your right..but don't let it get to you. She sounds like one those like you said thinks she's always right. It's your family, you have to do what makes you happy, what is best for you. And hey if you two are both working its good to have clean house, but family time is more important so I'm sure when you guys are home that's part reason few things aren't put away. Plus toys can't always be put away especially with two kids around they always take them out and play. After all that's what they have them for. I think your doing great job and im sorry about the miscarriage and best of luck to you in ttc baby #3!!!
  • I would be Able to ignore most of that crap...until the live with her comment. I absolutely would of lost my Shit. Those are the words of a very manipulative & controlling grandma who wants to play mama again.
    I'd be super cautious of anything between you and her again, especially In regards to your kiddos.
    I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. Its such absolute bullshit.
  • You now have established what you cannot tell your MIL and she has rightly lost the privilege of being informed. What you do and how you do things behind closed doors is none of her business and is at your discretion, should you care to share. What a judgmental wench!
  • Soooo wrong in sooo many ways. First off, if my mil said something like that.. I'd have 10 kids. Lol. She's lacking compassion. Some mothers just can't understand their little boys become husbands and have a new #1 woman in their life. It's such a crappy situation for u. You just have to stand ur ground w ur inlaws and make sure ur husband is doing the same. Hopefully, after time, she will except u for who u r and learn control her judgmental thoughts. It's very rude of her to say any of those things. It hurts to hear anything negative said about u and especially ur kids so stay strong and don't let it get the best of u.
  • I can SO relate! My MIL thought she was going to be queen (she actually calls herself Queenie) over our home. She crossed a line one day and I that was it for me. I tore that woman a new one and then forced her to apologize. We have a much better relationship now...that is until I break the news to them that my daughter is not going to call them "Queeenie & Big Daddy." Stand your ground! That is YOUR family and YOUR home!
  • Holy moly @ Queenie and Big Daddy, really?!?! Wow, I mean wow!

    @sheentahlea
  • Thanks everyone! Your comments make me feel slot better! I didn't feel like typing it all out earlier but this is what I wrote to her.

    What you texted Michael yesterday was incredibly hurtful! You have no right telling us we shouldn't have a third baby until I get organized. Especially since I recently miscarried a baby that we were very much excited for. I'm so upset that michael and me opened up to you about our arguments about cleaning. That is between us and should of stayed that way. Just because I have a messy house doesn't make me a bad mother!!! Grayson has gym shoes and I like his hair long! You act like Michael has it so rough with me and saying the kids should come live with you because of it is not nice, even if you are kidding. There are more important things in life than a clean house!

    She kind of played victim and said she meant both of us need to change our ways and she meant to wait to try until we are settled in our new house (that we are closing on in 20 days!!!) But it was like a half ass apology and then she said she is just a mother who worries about her kids and grandkids and she always thinks of them when she is out shopping! (Like she can buy our love)
  • @sheentahlea omg @ queenie and big daddy!!
  • I would tell her that when someone opens up yoursupposed give support and maybe some good advice from experience. After all I'm assuming she was at your wedding and I'm strong believer that those that are their especially close family are their as witnesses therefore in good and hard times they will be there to stand by your side no matter what to support your marriage. I mean we see still going to have big wedding but our wedding was very small we wanted it intimate and those family members that were their made promise to us to help no matter what. My aunt and uncle who been married for 45 years at least signed on our papers and we always have their support I always talk to my aunt when their is hard day all couples have that and she's always their just like my parents. I'm sorry but if she cares about her child she should know her child would be happiest when his wife and he are both happy. I'm glad you said something hopefully unless she has great support from here on out she has no opinion. And new house thing is bull I'm sorry. But women is pregnant for 40 weeks not 20 days so you have lots time even if u get pregnant right now.
  • @Mijita and @G&;EsMama , yes..
    Queenie and Big Daddy. I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds something wrong with those names.

    My MIL didn't want to apologize either. She acted like I was bullying her. Just continue to stand your ground. Mine keeps trying to intimidate me. Deep breaths get me through a lot of days. Lol
  • Wow! I thought my mil was bad. I am so skory you have to deal with this. Very inappropriate to suggest your kids go live her. I could see this if your kids were in danger but that is clearly not the case.
  • I think what you wrote was great and hopefully she'll learn to back off. When your child moves out and gets married, the mother should no longer have any control or influence - unless asked and then it should be done in a respectful, adult manner!
  • Damn... Lol. Im glad my MIL loves me lol. I have a very low tolerance for BS so i know if my MIL was mean we would've gotten into it by now...
    Good luck to you all.
  • My husband might speak to his mom once evey two or three months. She made the mistake of saying he could visit but I was never allowed in her house again after an argument. So I told him to choose one the spot. She has seen our 2 year old 2 times and 2 month old never. Babies are little for a very short time tell her the dam dishes can wait. Since coming home with our new baby, my older maybe autistic and we are going through appointments with hospitals and the county my house just got cleaned today.
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