divorce???? (verrry long, sorry!)

MommmyX3

We live in northern Jersey...and there is extremely bad flooding going on right now. We need to get out of our house by tomorrow. To make a long story short, my husband and I couldn't agree on somewhere for us to stay so I suggested that we look into getting a cheap hotel. He didn't like that very much and he blew up on me. It got to the point where he told me he was going to cancel my debit card so I had no access to our money anymore. That raised a huge red flag for me and made me realize how controlling he really is (still).

I didn't say another word to him the rest of the day. After about 5 hours of ignoring his phone calls, he sent me a text saying he is moving out and that he's stopping here after work to pick up clothes. He is such a drama queen and he always blows everything way out of proportion. He has done this many times before. Usually I beg him not to go and when he does I beg him to come back (pathetic...I know). I told him months ago if he did this again, that I was done. He hasn't done it in about 6 months now so I really thought we were doing a lot better in our marriage. Apparently I was wrong.

The thing is that I am not even upset. I cried for a minute when he said he wasn't coming home but then I came to my senses. He has not been the best husband...he's done a lot of damage the past couple years. For some reason though I finally feel like I might have the strength to really say enough is enough already. We have 2 daughters and I'm 14 weeks pregnant with baby #3. I know this is a pretty bad time to go through a separation/divorce but I honestly think I'm ready. He has been physically abusive in the past, but he is still emotionally and verbally abusive. I have just had it....but I don't know how or why I feel the way that I do right now. What is making me so much stronger this time than any other time. Usually I would be crawled up in bed crying, not eating, depressed...the works. This time it's like I almost feel relieved that he isn't coming home tonight.

Am I crazy for actually wanting to end our life together knowing that will leave me as a single mom of 2 (almost 3)???

HUPE23_1

He sounds like a jerk and you sound just like a woman who has had enough i think ur strong enough to do it on ur own

kara_lamek

No you finally opened your eyes. They always say love blinds people... well now you see. Your fed up is all. I think you will be better off without him. If you have family and friends that love you and will help you out why do you need his negativity in your life. Granted he is your childrens father... but you are their mother. I wouldn't want my kids around someone who treats people like that. Not saying he is a bad father idk that but he shouldn't be treating you like crap. Good luck!

Karla_with_a_K

Amen. Heck, tell him u will pack for him. Make him beg u back this time. Show him u could care less

coolbabybeans

U can do better for yourself and your babys. I would pack up his stuff and put it on the porch for him. No need for him to come in and cause you more stress. Good luck to you

rugamar0916

No one should be mistreated that way. Let alone when pregnant. He clearly is a major jerk who doesn't see what he has. He doesn't deserve a woman like you. Its time to be strong. Not only for yourself but for your children. Verbal and emotional abuse is no environment for kids to grow in. i hope you find the answer you're looking for. Good Luck. My heart goes out to you and your kids!

mommyof3girls

U gotta do whats best for u and ur kids. U gotta do what u want.... not what others want u to do. Good luck to u girl.

blissmarie23

If you have a joint bank account I would make sure he doesn't take all your money...especially since he's talked about taking your debit card. Not a happy thought but its important for you to be able to take care of yourself and your babies.

ScarlettsMama

Honey there comes a time in a shifty relationship where a woman just wakes the hell up! You my friend just had an awakening! It will def be hard without him but you are stronger than that! It might be nice to have some freedom, and i hope he knows that child support for 3 kids ain't cheap! I was in a horrible, abusive, co dependent relationship for 6 years and for the most of it i was terrified to end it thinking i couldn't live without him and then i woke up one day outta the blue and just left, and drove 2000 miles away and started over completely so he wldnt come after me.... it was the best and most liberating thing i ever did!! Its def harder with kids but don't let it hold u back from the happiness u deserve! U can do it, stay strong!!

rootzmama

I agree with hupe. It just sounds lke u finally had enough ugh leaving u (esp while ur preggo) for such a trivial reason, is insane. Esp cuz ur hot lol u dont need another baby, u need a grown up who can take care of himself and u. Maybe this time, if u dont beg him to come back and he sees just how over his tantrums u really are, maaaybe he will see that he has a problem. Kudos to u for being so strong in an emotional state.and stressful situation. Good luck hun

MommmyX3

thanks ladies! i do have family that supports me. and right now we are living at my mom's house. so i have lots of help from her and my sisters. most of my family hasn't liked him for a couple years now so they will be more than happy to help me.

@blissmarie23 i definitely thought about the money. i transferred all of it out and into an account that i have on my own. he noticed that a couple hours ago and freaked out about it. he has an income though. i am a stay at home mom and i know he will not financially support me because he would rather see me struggle. so i wasn't even going to hesitate taking it. (and i will make that last as long as i can)

@bellareust your story is exactly what i needed to hear. thank you soo much for sharing. i was hoping to hear from someone who was in a similar situation and left...and then ended up happier. i have always told myself i couldn't live without him and i think that's why i've been so forgiving to all the stupid things he did. i've been so caught up in him. that just isn't like me. i am ready to start my life over. i am a strong person and i know i can do it. i have to stop making excuses for his behavior and get it through my head that he isn't changing.

i think it's time to change my profile picture...it's making me sick lol

MommmyX3

@rootzmama i didn't really take him right back last time. i made him work for it. so i thought he really learned. apparently, i was wrong. this time, i dont even really care if he knows he's wrong or not. i am just fed up. he is making me hate him and i really just don't want to even be bothered with his excuses or lame apologizes. ya know what i mean??

VictoriaB

My aunt recently told her boyfriend of about 5 years to pack up and leave. They were drug addicts and a couple years ago, they got help and quit that life. She found out he was using again and when he refused to get help, she told him to leave.
Before, she stuck by him no matter what. He stole my moms camera and pawned it so he could leave and get high. My aunt tracked him down and brought him back by herself. She's gone through a lot for this guy. I talked to her yesterday and she said she's not sad either.
You're a strong woman for leaving him and I hope you and your babies will do well!

rootzmama

@mommyx3 ya cuz its like, I dont want ur apology I just want u to stop! U seem like u got a good head on ur shoulders n he seems immature lol ive been there and it sucked cuz I really loved him but sometimes ur heart will tell u when its time to move on n it sounds like ur there...

Boho_Chic

You deserve better treatment from your husband. But also remember your a married woman and you owe it to your children and husband to keep your family together. Maybe some seperation for a while would do somegood. Even if you had a rough couple of years. A marriage is meant to last a lifetime. Andacouple years of bad, compared to a lifetime of bliss and security may be worth the short trials of the here and now. But if you absolutely can't take it, do what you think is best. He may just be going through a hard time right now and throwing away your marriage is not like leaving your boyfriend. It may hurt the same, but there are just so many other legal and moral values involved. Really think about it, before you make a decision. Think back to the reasons you got married, and consider the changes, are these changes reconcilable, if so workwith him, andwork at recreating a happier home. People say things will never be the same agin, but they can always be better. God bless!

abby5

I was married 8 yrs to a guy just like yours...I finally got tired of it and kicked his @$$ out and I never shed a tear and he hates it that I stand up to him now and control everything...divorce was the best thing for me...I met a wonderful guy just a few weeks later and he accepted me and my 3 kids and now we are expecting a baby in sep

CaptainMorgaine

She said he had been physically abusive. To me, that counts as an irreconcilable difference. She owes it to her children to make sure they have a safe and happy childhood, not to stay in a volatile relationship.