vent vent vent.
I don't really have anyone I can vent to, so I'll do it here. Sorry if it turns out long.
I love my daughter, I love my boyfriend/baby daddy. I usually love my life as a stay at home mom. But I'm young, I'm 22, with 17 month old, and I see pictures of people on facebook that I went to high school with travelling, partying, doing their own thing and I can't help but feel jealous. Anyone I say this to says, oh you can still go out, you can still live life. But no. I absolutely 100% REFUSE to be another young mother who parties, posts drunk pictures on facebook with my boobs hanging out, and in any way come across as an irresponsible mother. I won't add to that stigma. Some days I feel stuck in such a limbo. I want to 'be young' but recognize I have other responsibilities and priorities. It's so frustrating. I look back on pictures of old boyfriends and I find myself wanting to be with them, but I know I don't really; I just want to be who I was back when I was with them.
I even feel hostile to acquaintances, my boyfriends friend and his girlfriend, who every f*cking time I talk to them they go on and on and on about how she lives in New York, and they went here for a date, or they're going there. I just want to scream at them to shut up!! Especially when they say in a condescending way that my life is so awesome with a baby. SHUT UP. Most of my day consists of cleaning, cooking, more cleaning and diaper changes. You don't know jack about my life, or what its like.
I feel so stupid being upset over this, my life is pretty damn good. I got pregnant four months into my relationship, and it was with a man I truly love and who's stepped up in every way possible. I know people have it worse than me, so I feel even MORE guilt feeling this way.
Sorry for the freaking novel. I'm not in the best mood today.
I love my daughter, I love my boyfriend/baby daddy. I usually love my life as a stay at home mom. But I'm young, I'm 22, with 17 month old, and I see pictures of people on facebook that I went to high school with travelling, partying, doing their own thing and I can't help but feel jealous. Anyone I say this to says, oh you can still go out, you can still live life. But no. I absolutely 100% REFUSE to be another young mother who parties, posts drunk pictures on facebook with my boobs hanging out, and in any way come across as an irresponsible mother. I won't add to that stigma. Some days I feel stuck in such a limbo. I want to 'be young' but recognize I have other responsibilities and priorities. It's so frustrating. I look back on pictures of old boyfriends and I find myself wanting to be with them, but I know I don't really; I just want to be who I was back when I was with them.
I even feel hostile to acquaintances, my boyfriends friend and his girlfriend, who every f*cking time I talk to them they go on and on and on about how she lives in New York, and they went here for a date, or they're going there. I just want to scream at them to shut up!! Especially when they say in a condescending way that my life is so awesome with a baby. SHUT UP. Most of my day consists of cleaning, cooking, more cleaning and diaper changes. You don't know jack about my life, or what its like.
I feel so stupid being upset over this, my life is pretty damn good. I got pregnant four months into my relationship, and it was with a man I truly love and who's stepped up in every way possible. I know people have it worse than me, so I feel even MORE guilt feeling this way.
Sorry for the freaking novel. I'm not in the best mood today.
Comments
However, I still find myself jealous sometimes looking on Facebook at what seems to be people's exciting life's. I miss being able to jump in the car just to go pick something up. Now it seems like a big production just to get out of the house. We live far away from all family and we never let anyone watch our son. But sometimes when we go home and our parents offer to watch him so we can go out, it's just not the same. I cant enjoy myself like I use to bc my son is always in the back of my mind.
But you know the other day we were at the farm picking out our pumpkins ....and the music was playing and we were drink hot apple cider...and all I could think of was how UNBELIEVABLY blessed and happy I was at that moment. I'm pretty sure that no matter where you are in life, you sometimes wish u were somewhere else. I think it's just human nature. Believe it or not, I'm sure there is someone out there envious of ur family pictures on Facebook!
Thanks @alwayzbeenurz2008 nice to know other people struggle with this too, makes me feel less alone. My boyfriend goes out regularly, obviously not every night, or even every week, but he's got a larger group of friends than I do. By far. Lol.
@caroline8_p do you take your kids when you go out? How old are your kids? I'm in a pretty small town in Alberta canada so Im not sure if there are any around here. What websites do you know of? Maybe I can go off that.
This is the website I was referring too, and they have some listed in your general area.
http://moms-group.meetup.com/cities/ca/ab/edmonton/
@caroline8_p that's great you have good family to watch her. I'm lucky too, she's the first grandchild on either side of us, and probably going to be the one and only on my side of the family. I really should let them see her more. Thanks for the website, I'll take a look when she goes down to sleep.
And thanks everyone for responding. It made me feel a lot better knowing people have been through this and took the time to read the whole thing.