today when doing laundry i found...

heatherlynnheatherlynn
edited March 2011 in Pregnancy and fathers
So I do both my bf's laundry and my own...and when I was putting some of his pants in the wash,I found a condom in his pocket. We have been together for over 3 years and stopped using condoms long ago (obviously since I'm 27wks preggo) and when I asked him about it, he stumbled upon stories. I almost flipped out but didn't wanna stress baby out, so I left. I don't know how to go about this. I have no real evidence he cheated but...its a condom...condoms show intent, right?? But I don't wanna do something extreme and leave..I want both parents for my baby. I don't wanna threaten him that ill leave, cuz I don't want to give him empty threats setting a pattern for this kind of thing. Do any of u ladies have advice? I don't wanna tell ppl I'm close to..they will hate him.
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Comments

  • katiekatie
    I think the condom was evidence. Don't want to freak you out but you usually have to buy a box of condoms not just one. And if he was stumbling that's not a good sign either
  • heatherlynnheatherlynn
    Yeah first he said he's had it for a long time..but I pointed out the expiration date was 2015 and it wasn't that old..then he said someone gave it to him...:( I have never been in this position before. He's the father of my first baby. I shouldn't have to deal with this when I'm pregnant...uugh
  • pretty_princess_1pretty_princess_1
    Can you talk to him again? Get everything out in the open? Then just take it from there? You two don't have to be together to both be there for the baby and sometimes its better to separate than be unhappy as baby will pick up on this! X
  • katiekatie
    You really shouldn't at all I couldn't even imagine going through this while pregnant just keep yourself busy and try not to think to hard about it till your calmer. Do what makes you happy and I know that when your put into the situation its totally different then just hearing about it but I am a firm believer in once a cheater always a cheater keep your head up girl
  • heatherlynnheatherlynn
    I will talk to him tomorrow morning when I get off work..but now its going to be hard to believe anything he says..I didn't ever want it to be like this......
  • StilltryingStilltrying
    My boyfriend has cheated on me multiple times. I never wanted to believe it. I found a wrapper one time he said it was old and he found it and threw it away. Your boyfriend is probably cheating on you. And that sucks. Especially if you love him but he is not gonna tell the truth. I left my boyfriend and because he lost me he changed and I took him back. Hes faithful now. Can't tell you what to do but don't let him get away with it. He's not just charting on you he's cheating on your baby too.
  • kenleysmommykenleysmommy
    Ok I'm sorry but I don't toatally agree with stilltrying. Heatherlynn I was just sit down and talk to him. Just bc there was a condom dosnt mean he has cheated. Yes he might have thought about it but he may not have. And the whole cheating on ur baby I'm sorry but that was a lil silly. This is just my opinion I'm really not trying to make anyone mad on here I just dobnt want the poor girl to stress or worry while she's pregnant. The baby dose not need that and beither does she
  • dobiemommadobiemomma
    Id kick him in balls and ask for an explanition. If he fumbles around or comes up w some dumb story and kick him again and walk out.
  • lily_glzlily_glz
    That same thing happened to me with my first sons dad he said he was holding it for his friend, BS!! I left him and wen I did, I found out he was cheating constantly throughout our relationship we were together 4yrs. He wants me back (we broke up/divorced in 2009!) I'm like hell no! I remarried my awesome husband who my son loves. Me n his cheating dad have an okay relationship bc we have a son and we get along for him
  • hoosierMamaOf4hoosierMamaOf4
    I'm sorry you are having to deal with this, either way it isn't something you should have to. All I can offer advice and that is to follow your git, because it really is your best indicator. When I was 6 mos prego w/ my 3 rd baby I found out my husband had an affair with a close friend. I was devastated. I loved him and we had a family, I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to, but it was right there in front of me. After a few weeks of separation we decided to try and make it work for our family, but it hasn't been easy. He has tried and tried to prove since then ( it was in 2008) that he is faithful, but it is hard sometimes because there is always going to be a hint of doubt in the back of my mind.

    @kenleysmommy I totally understand where @Stilltrying is coming from on saying he is cheating on the baby, because if that is indeed what he is doing, then he isn't just hurting @heatherlynn, he is hurting any future he has with her which will reflect on the baby. My husband didn't just cheat on me, he cheated on our family, our foundation, he broke a trust that is hard to rebuild. Because he was selfish, and made a selfish decision, my children were put in a position to potentially not have a stable home with both their parents.

    @heatherlynn Talk to him when you are ready, but make the decision that's best for you and your baby.
  • robinlinlee83robinlinlee83
    OMG... this sounds like dejavu for me. I had the same thing happen with my ex husband when I was 6 months pregnant. I understand exactly what your going through. I hope everything works out for you. My ex denied everything, and even went so far as to blame the condom in his pocket on ME??? about 4 weeks later I found out he was sleeping with his ex. You just need to be strong, and do what's best for you and the baby.
  • Boho_ChicBoho_Chic
    This same thing happened to me. If I were you I would not do or say anything at all. You have already brought it to his attention, so just watch and wait. See how he reacts to the findings. It can really say a lot. See how his behavior changes,and based on you knowing who he is and how he is make ur decision on weather or not he cheated. Because if he did, obviously telling you thetruth is not gonna happen at this point. And talking tohim and having him tellyou something you don't believe is only gonna frustrate you. Honestly, if your not ready to leave.I would not say anythingat all,because it would only cause unneeded stress. Good Luck.
  • memememe
    I been through it before u should take it a day at a time if u really want him to be there n after u have the baby take him to go get tested r u can do it now but i say after the baby get here cause he will be around more n can't. Do that just to be on the safe side.if u luv him talk to him its all communication.n u dnt have to tell yo family i learned from that. Good luck
  • Rissalee7Rissalee7
    Just a story along the same line we live in wisconsin and I went to my parents in mt for a weekend came back found a condom in his pants flipped out he told me one of the people he was hanging with put it there as a joke so I called and asked and he was telling me the truth our friend jenny and chester did its as a joke obviously wasn't funny to me but thought this might gives you some hope
  • may1mommatobemay1mommatobe
    I think its my hormones but I think my boyfriend is cheating on me even thought I know deep down he is not.... now for the condom I also dont know where you are from but some of the clubs here in houston hand out condoms when you pay the entry fee so if he goes out it could have come from that
  • StilltryingStilltrying
    @kenleysmommy make your own comments don't critisize mine
  • brodysmammabrodysmamma
    I think that since you brought it to his attention once, leave it alone but don't forget about it, put it on the back burner sorta speak. Be more aware and alert of his activities. But we all have two ears, two eyes and one tongue for a reason, listen more, watch, and talk less. It's hard to say you have proof if you only have a little bit. I kind of had a similar situation but it was text messages between my old roommate and my bf (she lived with both of us) and after she moved out she came to our house for a party and he was drunk (his excuse of course) and she said it was a joke, I chose to believe him (after at first freaking out) but then I got the advice I just gave you watch more listen more and talk less you will learn alot. I made my judgement call and still at times feel the need to go through his phone. yes I believe I have the right too, as he does mine I have nothing to hide nor should he at first I did it alot but now I am trusting him more and do it alot less. Go with your gut though a womens intuition is almost always right. Try taking a step back and re-evaluating the situation before you make a rash decision. Good luck.
  • kenleysmommykenleysmommy
    I did make my own comment. That's my opinion. I'm not on here to fight and that's not what I was trying to do. I'm not trying to start one. I was stating my opinion because I don't think she really needs to be stressing she's needs good opinons also. So sorry if I offened you but you can get mad at some one else on here
  • triciatricia
    so Idk exactly wat tu tell yu tu do but even tho its hard don't stress out bc its not good for yu or the baby. I'm sorry I can't really give yu any advice but I don't wanna say he did bc Idk that for sure. talk tu him b4 yu make any descions. good luck girl.
  • 4th_time_around4th_time_around
    From a mom of soon to be 4 and a divorce. If he is cheating its better to find out now and not have your baby grow up in a hostile enviornment. Had I just did my gut instinct when I caught my husband cheating it would have saved my two oldest a lot of confusion. Instead I tried to get passed it but when we fough
    t it would get brought up. I'm now in a faithful relationship with an amazing guy who loves my older two kids to death n were having our second baby together. You don't have to look the other way just to have a family.
  • JasiahsMommyJasiahsMommy
    I left my bd for the same thing but i was 25 weeks pregnant and i found a box of new condoms. Like what dose he need condoms for if we never used them before? He still calls me trying to get back together but..no thanks! i told him to keep sleeping with the girl he cheated with me on.ugh! I hate him!
  • twinsiestwinsies
    Make sure you don't have unprotected sex with him now...if he gets something it could be dangerous to you or your baby
  • coolbabybeanscoolbabybeans
    Ok, take a breath and know that you are strong. I would write every question you have down. Anything that u can look back on and think is suspicious write it down so you can be clear headed when u talk to him. I would tell him he has lost all trust you had in him and if he wants things to work between u he has to earn it back.....I would include access to his phone, emails, friends and such things. If he has nothin to hide it won't be a problem. Also, if he has cheated on u and wants to work things out, you have to take some time for yourself to sort out your feelings. Do you still wanna be with someone who has done this? Trust your heart. You can do this on your own if u have to. I wish u luck hun
  • LittleJackLittleJack
    can you tell him you still will be with him but not if he wants doesn't want to be with you, you want to know what's going on so you can put it behind you because a relationship can't work without honesty. Less than 20% of guys admit to cheating, those who have, so its up to you what is more important to you. Also get std testing because if he cheated and gave you something then it can be devastating to the baby. Sorry, best wishes.
  • new_mommy9_21new_mommy9_21
    edited March 2011
    agree with little jack! jus b straightforward tell him no one is perfect & every1maks mistakes but u wud lik to knw the truth andd mayb yal cud wrk past tht for the bby. if he loves u he shud b honest with u andd tell d truth, apologize, andd mak things better for tht bby.but no relationship built on lies will last! and u dnt hav to b wit him bcuz yur carryn his child.if yur not married, the child is his only legal responsiblity. so if yal dnt wrk it out; at least wrk sumthn out so he can b there for bby! wish u well.
  • bigpoppabigpoppa
    If he didn't cheat, he may as well go cheat now. He has been tried and convicted by most of you ladies and you at the sentencing phase now.
  • bigpoppabigpoppa
    Heatherlynn, one of three things has happened.1 he cheated, 2 he thought about it, or he found a condom in his cherios. No matter what he is an idiot. The ball is in YOUR court now. If you want to be with him, play the damsel in distress say the hormones have you all over the map etc etc tell him you depend on him and need him to be strong and ur rock. If he is DEAD weight ie....just a retard you may want to cut him off but know this, you will have to deal with him someday for the rest of your life due to the fact he IS. The father
  • BayouMammaBayouMamma
    @bigpoppa if he didnt cheat...he should give some sort of logical explaination. Expecially if he loves this girl. Which brings me to this...if he loves her he wouldnt cheat now just because he is being blamed or accused. That sounds like an easy way out. Blame someone else. Sorry if i offended u, but i have heard one too many of these types of excuses in my lifetime.
  • charlottebcharlotteb
    Maybe it was a man joke from one of his friends, like " here, try one of these next time" The real question is, has he had opportunity to be bad? If he goes to work and comes home, maybe it really was just a prank from a friend. Try to be positive.
  • may1mommatobemay1mommatobe
    @bigpoppa I gave him the benefit of the doubt I know there are ways to get condoms and it doesnt always involve cheating or thinking about cheating .... I went to a cook off where different companies have little tents and offer samples of their products one of the companies was " ONE CONDOMS" what do you think they were handing out lol :-D
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