i love my fiance (bd) but his bm.....

newmommyofonenewmommyofone
edited March 2011 in Pregnancy and fathers
This woman jus now is filing for child support because she probably found out he's havin another baby! Anyways, after months of a bad economy we finally movedout of town to live somewhere there's more jobs.. and he got a great job full time as a cook at a casino.. (really good for me cuz the food is delicious) but he jus got paperwork about them taking it out of his checks. They didn't even send anything to arrange for payments. Just BOOM! You are being ordered to pay almost 65% of ur paycheck to her! Its crazy. When I was a child my father never paid anything larger than $20 and now he has to pay the bulk of his money? We did plan on saving but now wit the looks of it we are gonna have to cut back with baby stuff even.. (34 weeks) omg. So much to do so little time(and money, now) but I love him and we are trying to make it work.
Anyone else have this problem with the bd's bm? Or low financial stability in their lives??
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Comments

  • lisamarielisamarie
    I was put on Bedrest, so now only my boyfriend is working. We are strapped for cash too. I also hate my boyfriends ex wife!! She is psycho and is money hungry like your man's BM. Sorry about your situation, I completely understand and its tough.
  • cinnaboncinnabon
    Did he pay her anything before? Because if not, I woulda done the same exact thing. He think he gonna go have another child and live with it, therefore, support it, but not take care of mine?? Umm no! These men get off way too easy. My ex said to the judge "I have a new baby on the way and I need a place to live so I'm gonna need my cs lowered so that I can afford to live" the judge replied "a real man will shovel snow and rake leaves to make enough money for his kids. And he will live in a shelter before he asked to decrease his child support. You shouldn't have made another child" and his request was denied. I think she's just protecting her baby, which is what any mother should do
  • cinnaboncinnabon
    on the other hand...if he WAS supporting that child, than she is just being vindictive
  • blessed1508blessed1508
    been, with my bf for four yrs in may. just moved in together at the end of 2010. his bm found out and just put him on child support he didn't know anything about it until he got the papers. And the bitch did back pay!!!! ugh
  • newmommyofonenewmommyofone
    @cinnabon he was paying a little before but its wayy morenow and he hast been making anymore money than he did before. She is crazy.. seriously the amount they say he has to payy is so ridiculous I've know soo many ppl that get/have to pay child support and I've never seen this amount before in my life. Lol
  • Kcantu2Kcantu2
    My bd refuses to help. He lost his job bc he didn't call in so he went to texas for a new job. He told me he would help me when he caught up his bills. Whelp, theyre caught up... And I have not gotten anything. No help since around october or november.... Im a full time student hoping to graduate in May and im pregnant with our second baby.... Trying to support them without help is hell! I called when I found a crib and dresser on sale at Our New Baby, and we agreed to both pay so much. I put my part as a down payment.... He has not paid anything. If I cannot figure out how to pay for it I will be so upset. I cant get the money back.. It will go as store credit and theres nothing else there we need!
  • cinnaboncinnabon
    @newmommyofone I bet if u saw mine you'd be humbled. If I actually got it, I'd be rich!! I could live off of it...but the asswipe doesn't pay it anyway so It's just accumulating in arrears. Well if he WAS trying than I feel for u. You can always go to the dreaded court and try to get it lowered. When your baby is born they will factor in that child in the cost of living and rightfully have to lower it. It's just that my judge was on my side cuz he abandoned the marriage and left us with nothing overnight. They do take character into consideration.
  • newmommyofonenewmommyofone
    I do agree he should help. I grew up without dad or child support and that's not how I want any child to have to live but not this much this soon.
  • veeveeveevee
    edited March 2011
    @cinnabon I think that was wrong of the judge to say and not know the full situation. I hate that the courts take the womens side. She could have lied about him. [/EDIT] I just read your other post... my bad!

    I still hate how the courts takes the women side over the men.

    One of my guy friends is only on child support because he didn't want to be with his BM but he told her he would take care of his child. He was buying the baby clothes, food, diapers, everything. He just wanted nothing to do with her. Everything was going good until she found out he got girlfriend. She got mad and sued for child support. She wouldn't let him take the baby home with him unless she was there and if he wanted the baby to spend the night, she would want to spend the night. That pissed her off too because he told her "unlike you I'm not a cheater" and "my girlfriend ain't having that."

    Now he is counter suing her and from what his lawyers say, he has a good chance of getting FULL custody.
  • braenin6braenin6
    What you can do too is once your baby is born you file for support too. Any monies he pays would have to be divided among both kids. I don't think its typically an even split but you guys will get some of his money back through the support he pays you. My friend had to do this too. In PA whoever files first gets more.....not sure about your state.
  • cinnaboncinnabon
    @veevee this was my situation I was talking about. The judge knew the whole story cuz it was during the divorce hearing. He took my side and so did the whole courtroom. Husband couldn't even defend himself cuz he had no case. Yes, at times many women can be jealous and spiteful and just trying to hurt a man's pocket, but my husband did me and my boys wrong!! And he deserved every penalty that he got.
  • veeveeveevee
    edited March 2011
    @cinnabon: That's why I said my bad in my post after I reread your post.

    Yes she was very spiteful to do that. It also turns out that the money he was sending her wasn't all going on the baby either. All because he wanted nothing to do with her. She even tried to tell him the baby wasn't his when she found out about the counter suit. DNA test proved the baby is his and he is going for full custody. When he gets it he thought about getting child support on her but I told him to not be like her. But his lawyers said he would have to.
  • mommaEmommaE
    He needs to contact the court & bring his paycheck stub n so they can set the amount based off of his income. I'm a single mother that supports my 9 yr old alone. My ex is ordered to pay but never has & owes me around $65,000!!! The system is completly set up n the women's favor & that's coming from a mom ob that side lol! Some women use there children because of there own personal feelings & that's not right
  • cinnaboncinnabon
    @veevee oh! It came up late. Girl, me and hormones were about to cuss you out! Lol
    But It's sad about ur friend. Poor child involved :(
  • veeveeveevee
    @cinnabon: lol and understandable too. It is sad. It's a good thing he wants to take care of his baby and he actually wants full custody, not to get back at her but because he loves his son and wants to be in his life. Women like her give CS a bad name. Even though I have different believes on CS... that's another discussion.
  • Jaime77Jaime77
    I don't understand how ex couples can't just b civilized for the sake of thier children. My ex husband is not on ordered support we both mutually agreed to $850 month. He knows my mortgage bills ect are alot. I'm grateful he is a good father. Some weeks he asks if he can give me less bc of emergency vet or car repair ect. Of course I say sure! People just need to agree.
  • momof5momof5
    When my husband and I filed for divorce I asked the judge to not do child support. I split 50/50 custody of my child with him and felt that when my children are at his house then he needs to care for and provide for them at his house. And when they are at my house then I will care for and provide for them. The only thing that I ask is that any medical bills or school stuff gets split in half so he pays half and I will pay half. I am very thankful that he also agreed to this arangement. It has worked out great for both of us. And if something comes up like when I had my last child with my husband now my exhusband was very grateful to come pick up my kids on his time off from them and keep them while I was in the hospital. We work together for the kids sake and it makes the kids feel like they are still loved even tho their mom and dad are not together.
  • Jaime77Jaime77
    @momof5 makes things easier for kids to see parents get along. I have so many friends who are fighting cs issues, kids get brought up in it. This baby I'm carrying is not my ex husbands. After a 16y marriage I dated a coworker..boom 3 mo later preggers..we aren't together now but plan on your arrangement. I def. don't need his $. We plan on coparenting as friends.
  • momof5momof5
    @jamie77. Its so much easier to deal with my ex since he became my ex. We are more like friends now. Lol. And I really don't want my children thinking that I have them living with me is just because of $ my ex and I fought enough while we were together and put my kids through more than any child should ever have to go through. So now that we are not together there is no need for bad mouthing or fighting at all. My kids are way happier that we are not together too. I just want my kids to grow up with love and compassion.
  • aidensmommy6911aidensmommy6911
    My fiances bm is psycho my fiance had his daughter everyday for a year and a half then she started talkin to someonein kentucky and took his daughter and up and left, she put child support on him when me and him got together cause she realized she couldn't come back tohim, to this day his daughter is 3 and she wont let him see her,we have a son on the way and child support is outrageous to the point i had to get seperate help just to prepare anyone know what he can do to see his daughter?
  • sunshinelovesunshinelove
    Have him put his check in a bank acct with only your name on it, then give him the debit card... That's what we do when his bank acct gets garnished for his ex wifes car payment
  • Jaime77Jaime77
    @Aidensmommy6911
    By law he has every right to see his daughter! That irks me!! Take her to court, hes taking care of her financially. No judge wld say no contact if hes a decent daddy!
  • Jaime77Jaime77
    @Sunshinelove

    Did the ex say is cp pays for her car? Not on his kid? My $ from ex pays my kids schooling, braces,groceries,clothing ect! I wld never budget my luxeries based on child support! That's y fathers try not to pay bc they assume bm are doing nails n taking shots with thier money.
  • firstmamafirstmama
    That's just shady. Not to judge, but u sound ignorant. Y would u deprive a helpless child of something tht their owed? I believe in child support even thou my mom never made my dad pay and we got by just fine. I don't care wat n e one says, cp is a must. Most mothers use the cs for right reasons, can't just say that its goin to outside sources other than the child just to justify his not wantin to pay. Damn men
  • newmommyofonenewmommyofone
    Who are u talkin too @firstmama ? Cuz I know how I feel about child support. But u must not have read the whole discussion.
  • firstmamafirstmama
    @newmommyofone I read the whole discussion clearly. I was respondin to sunshinelove. Did u say u hide funds? Then it wasn't directed to u. But in regards to u, its unfair of u to think he shouldn't have his wages garnished. What's unfair for u, was not deemed the sme to the judge. The judge was prob correct in his judgement. Don't hate on the next/last girl for makin sure her kid is secure. I'm sure him supportin his child has nothin to do wit ya relationship
  • newmommyofonenewmommyofone
    I dnt hide funds?? Lol we have our own bank accounts and one together. And I DO think that he shud pay but I dnt think we shud without going to court. And the courts dnt know that we are expecting a child now. But I know he shud pay... duh. I'm not a b**** but seriously his check for two weeks cud be 700 and he oonly gets 250.. that's nothing to try to live off of. The baby cud come any day and we aren't even prepared for her. That's scary. His bm is trying to be rude cuz her and I jus had a long uncomfortable chat over emails where she tried to lie about him.. she's nuts and is already getting 2000 a month without this cs. We have struggled thru this whole pregnancy jus to stay together its been the hardest thing we've ever had to do..
  • Jaime77Jaime77
    Hun, he's getting $700 bi weekly and now is ordered to pay $225 weekly? I wld assume I'm wrong bc that's too much especially if shes grossing $2000.
  • newmommyofonenewmommyofone
    I know. Its insane. I was trying not to say exactly how much he gets and is having to pay but I dnt think ppl on here we're quite getting it how much I was talkin about lol
  • Jaime77Jaime77
    Yeah thats too much if hes netting $1400 and ordered to pay $900 for 1 child..i think he needs a re view of his earnings plus hers..ever put in your states child support calcultors..sometimes they are correct with how much he wld pay if you know the ex's income as well.
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