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My name is brenda im 19 years old, 14 weeks pregnant, lonely and depressed. Before I got pregnant I would tell my friend, it would be cool to get pregnant now so I would have my baby when a im 20, then when im 21 he would be 1 and so on. I never thought for one second that it would really happen. But it has and here I am. I met louie, babys dad, last year in the middle of december. I dont know what it was but I like him ALOT when we first met. He is 29 years old and has a 7 year old daughter named Punky. He is short skinny all tattooed and ugly, he is part owner of a couple smoke shops , plays bass, drums, and raps. I love that he plays drums its a huge turn on. But anyway, we found out I was pregnant in the middle of January when I went to get on birth control, the doctor said well I cant give you any birth control, I did your pregnancy test twice, you are pregnant, and I cried. when I told louie he was happy, or acted happy. He told me that we would get our own place when his lease was up at the end of February, & I believed it. I was happy because I thought wow I have this great guy who isnt just ganna screw me & leave me with a baby to raise on my own. Little did I know he turned out to be the worst. I wanted to tell my mom immediatly, the both of us though together, but he just kept making up excusses saying he had to work or go to the studio. He works litterally 3 blocks from my house, it takes a whole 2minutes to drive from his work to my house. After about a month of his bullshit, I went to his work and had to practicly trick him into going to my house to tell my mom the news. We got to my house and he didnt even wanna get out of his car! I had to call my mom outside and once he saw her he got out real quick & said 'ok I think we should go inside'
by this time he had already changed his mind about us moving in together, he told me he alone, was going to move into this old ladys house to save money. Im like wtf! U own a smoke shop plus your makinh money on d side and you cant afford a cheap 400 apartment for us. Its not like I wouldnt put in something I work at ace hardware, not making much but enough to where I can buy my own stuff like for hair or whatever, clothes, bras, underware. so we told my mom the whole situation, and she just say right through his bull, she told him shes sees hes a piece of shit and just didnt want to man up. Which I clearly see now. In the beginning he would want to see me everyday, he would call me or text all the time ask me how im doing how my day was. I fell head over heals. Still now I love him no matter the shit he puts me through my heart wont give up. Since we found out I was pregnant he stopped asking how I was doing, he stopped being interested. He started 'working' more, he ignores me, he never sees me anymore, when im sad which is a daily thing hes not there to comfort me, he doesnt hold me, he doesnt hold my hand, when he sees me he doesnt grab me for a hug & kiss, I grab him I kiss him I hold his hand, not only that but I ask, because sometimes he will be like my back hurts, im hot, or something like that. When I stay the night I want to be close to him, I dont see him often, so I tell him babe will you hold me. & he will tell me wait, I will in a little bit, ,my back hurts. So I wait and wait and if I ask him again he will get mad and raise his voice. Im pregnant and super emotional, so I cry, and when I do he ignors me turns around and goes to bed. I cant explain the hurt I feel. Ive told him befor I was done, that I didnt want my baby coming out into this world depressed because of him. I think ive cried about everyday for the past 3months, I know my baby & I dont deserve the pain we feel. Ive said it a few times but hopefully this time I wont give into the asshole when he says he loves me and he will change. His excuss now for not wanting me to move in is that he got nervous, does he not thimk in scared or nervous. Im the one whos ganna have a kid ripping my vagina open what does he have happening to him. Nothing he lives single pretty much he dont act like he has a pregnant girl friend.
Ive suffered from major depression since I was 13 years old, so yeah maybe im bit much to handle but ive calmed down alot and feel like ive grown up alot these past couple months. I had a nervous break down because of rhe pregnancy back in Feb, and was feeling suicidal, just feeling, I wouldnt kill my baby. So I had to get evaluated at this mental health place, he knew about this and I was scared and feeling like dying, so I tols him please dont leave me alone im not feeling good at all, I dont want anything bad to happen. But he didnt care, he was too busy with his friends af the studio. Omg that just torn me apart, I needed him so bad just to be there for me. And he wasnt, he isnt, & I highly doubt he will ever be. I just dont know what to do, I know I need help, real professinal help, like a dr. drew to come save me befor its too late. Ive had counseling for over 5 years and im worst then ever. I should be happier then ever but I cant find happiness. I work really hard at being stress free and happy, I eat healthy, I go walking for 30-an hour each day or every other. I see a nurse who visits me each week, im talking medication for my depression, but im stuck in the dirt way in there. I write my thoughts and feelings down or watch a funny movie when im sad, but thats not enough, im hoping posting this would give me some stress relief. Anything anyone can say, any advise would be greatly appreciated. Ima go eat me some cereal
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by this time he had already changed his mind about us moving in together, he told me he alone, was going to move into this old ladys house to save money. Im like wtf! U own a smoke shop plus your makinh money on d side and you cant afford a cheap 400 apartment for us. Its not like I wouldnt put in something I work at ace hardware, not making much but enough to where I can buy my own stuff like for hair or whatever, clothes, bras, underware. so we told my mom the whole situation, and she just say right through his bull, she told him shes sees hes a piece of shit and just didnt want to man up. Which I clearly see now. In the beginning he would want to see me everyday, he would call me or text all the time ask me how im doing how my day was. I fell head over heals. Still now I love him no matter the shit he puts me through my heart wont give up. Since we found out I was pregnant he stopped asking how I was doing, he stopped being interested. He started 'working' more, he ignores me, he never sees me anymore, when im sad which is a daily thing hes not there to comfort me, he doesnt hold me, he doesnt hold my hand, when he sees me he doesnt grab me for a hug & kiss, I grab him I kiss him I hold his hand, not only that but I ask, because sometimes he will be like my back hurts, im hot, or something like that. When I stay the night I want to be close to him, I dont see him often, so I tell him babe will you hold me. & he will tell me wait, I will in a little bit, ,my back hurts. So I wait and wait and if I ask him again he will get mad and raise his voice. Im pregnant and super emotional, so I cry, and when I do he ignors me turns around and goes to bed. I cant explain the hurt I feel. Ive told him befor I was done, that I didnt want my baby coming out into this world depressed because of him. I think ive cried about everyday for the past 3months, I know my baby & I dont deserve the pain we feel. Ive said it a few times but hopefully this time I wont give into the asshole when he says he loves me and he will change. His excuss now for not wanting me to move in is that he got nervous, does he not thimk in scared or nervous. Im the one whos ganna have a kid ripping my vagina open what does he have happening to him. Nothing he lives single pretty much he dont act like he has a pregnant girl friend.
Ive suffered from major depression since I was 13 years old, so yeah maybe im bit much to handle but ive calmed down alot and feel like ive grown up alot these past couple months. I had a nervous break down because of rhe pregnancy back in Feb, and was feeling suicidal, just feeling, I wouldnt kill my baby. So I had to get evaluated at this mental health place, he knew about this and I was scared and feeling like dying, so I tols him please dont leave me alone im not feeling good at all, I dont want anything bad to happen. But he didnt care, he was too busy with his friends af the studio. Omg that just torn me apart, I needed him so bad just to be there for me. And he wasnt, he isnt, & I highly doubt he will ever be. I just dont know what to do, I know I need help, real professinal help, like a dr. drew to come save me befor its too late. Ive had counseling for over 5 years and im worst then ever. I should be happier then ever but I cant find happiness. I work really hard at being stress free and happy, I eat healthy, I go walking for 30-an hour each day or every other. I see a nurse who visits me each week, im talking medication for my depression, but im stuck in the dirt way in there. I write my thoughts and feelings down or watch a funny movie when im sad, but thats not enough, im hoping posting this would give me some stress relief. Anything anyone can say, any advise would be greatly appreciated. Ima go eat me some cereal
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Comments
It won't be long till you start to feel the baby move and you will get a more obvious baby belly which were my 2 favourite parts of pregnancy.
Wish I could offer you more help but it sounds like your doing everything you can to create a positive life for you and your child.
Goodluck hunny, I really feel for you xoxox