betrayal, distrust, emotions... kinda long vent plz help
ok so this week i found out that one of my friends happens to be my husbandx ex's. one that he didnt mention to me... ( a little back ground, my husband and I have been together for 3 years, but took a 8month seperation in the begining where i moved 600 miles away to be with my family. we both saw other people...) when we got back to gether he kept recieving emails from someone on myspace, and eventually curiosity killed me.. so i hacked his account and flipped when i saw that it was on ex. What ever we were seperated right... well she kept emailing him and I stepped in and told her off, told her to get lost and we are back to gether yada yada yada... Now 1.5 yrs later I meet her on my own not knowing who she was till she found me on facebook, and asked me if i was married to him or just related. Now Im having issues. I know that he was with 2 women when we were apart, but now theres a total of 5!!! granted i wasnt a saint either, but whats really getting to me is there theres emails from him to her saying he still loves her and misses her a month before we got married! and that the last time they hung out was right before we got married! our wedding curcimstances were unique, he was on probation in one state and i lived in another, so in order for us to live together we had to be married, so he came up for the wedding, and had to go back home 5 days later for a month before his probation transfered him to my home state.. nothing about our relationship is normal, nothing!!! but now im wondering how much more he lied to me about. the more i read his emails the more i become pissed, because he not only dated her, slept with her, but purposed to her as well! she was ultimatly heart broken when he broke up with her to come back to me, but honestly theres always been a small part of me that wonders if he is with me because he knows that i have always taken care of him.. in 3 yrs he hasnt worked one single day! i have supported him the entire way. I always used the excuse that he has a background and couldnt find a job, but now i think its just because he didnt want to work. Honestly i dont know what to think any more. I dont know what to do. I go see my husband friday evening, (hes in jail) and I have all intentions on bringing this up to him. At first I thought it would be funny to tell him in some sick demented way that she was living with me, or a new bestie of mine, then we thought about bringing her to the meeting with me just to see the pure shock value of his face. Now i have a feeling what was just supposed to be harmelss play is going to turn into heart break somewhere. I love my husband and I know theres things about him the make him worthless, in other peoples eyes, but in my eyes i love him and to me the best type of love is unexplaineable. and i cannot explaine why i love this man.... She told me tonight she has a lot to tell me about the time we were seperated and they were together, frankly im scared. I know its not her trying to break us up, and thats because she is happily engaged and living a wonderful life. I dont know if shes trying to help or if in this case ignorance would be bliss. Do i want to know everything or should i leave the past in the past. My husband doesnt know every little detail about my life when we were seperated, and im not sure how he would feel if i were to tell him the truth, but where we live now theres no chances of him running into the ppl i was with then.... Am i being hypocritical? emotional, or is there reason to feel this distrust and feel like I was betraied...
Comments
I say sit down with your husband, tell everything, forgive, and move on. Also, maybe get some counseling to help build trust.
Good luck, dear.
And one thing my parents told me when I got married and I must say is the best is.....don't tell family and friends all your business. Don't let everyone put their input in...especially ppl that have never been married. Single life is nothing like a marriage.
@Mommy_love
Great advice!! =D>