@princessb Half of my friends and family are military. He's a controlling crazy person in my opinion... Do what you have to for you and your sons. Be confident and don't let him scare you. He will have a rude awakening once you do your research and know your rights. He has a lot of growing up to do!
@mommyof4girls yeah my mom thinks so too! She scared for me to even go to guam w/ him. The only problem is all my stuff is already shipped there. Nd I told him I was gunna jus stay here nd go there to reship my stuff. He basically threaten me. So I'm dealing w/ that too! But thanks cus I'm unsure of any rights
@princessb I hope things work out. Get your info and be informed of your rights as a military spouse. Be informed so the next time he threatens you, you can give him the business and be a confident woman. You don't need the stress or some little boy acting like that towards you.
mommyof4girls is absolutely right. i dont think you should just stay because you dont think you can do better. YOU CAN! my mom stayed in a abusive relationship with my dad for 16 years and didnt think she could do better, she finally got out of it and is now happier then she ever has been.. just because you have 2 kids doesnt mean you wont find someone that will treat you better. you deserve to be happy no matter how many kids you have.
@princessb Yes keep me posted too. Im here for you. I may even try to get info from my sister and brother for you. My fam is mostly marines but I think some things are military wide.
@princessb My sister said you have to be married a few yrs for alimony but child support is a definate. She did say if he's that sucky you should leave. You're mom sounds great. Im sure she would help you get on your feet. My sister also brought up another point. I don't want you getting upset but she thinks he's prob cheating if he's choosing their over being w you. I think the military only cares about w in rank and above rank cheating w proof of the cheating so he won't get in trouble that way. I would ask his superiors about your rights as a wife asap though. So you can make the best decision for you and your sons
My husbands in the navy he gets 10 days extra leave for when the baby's born I live in IL he lives in HI so a far trip but I would ask your hubby if he gets extra leave he should
@jkringle4910 already suggested that idea. There's still excuses thanks tho
@mommyof4girls nd yes it is easy to lie..but if he's cheating that's on him there wouldn't b nothing I can do its pointless to knock him up nd whoever he cheated on me w/ lol ill jus let god handle it.. I'm in a messed up situation anyways all my stuff is already in guam.. so either way I gotta deal w/ him to get my stuff back )=
@princessb i would be upset too...you should have him talk to his commander bc they are putting my husband on hold till baby is born, then we will report. The Navy deff works with you.
I'm just curious though...hope I'm not getting too deep in your business. But why aren't you with him?
@newmommy_navywife supposely he tried everything. But I don't believe him.. but he left for school april 10th in mississippi and went straight to memphis for his leave.. I can't go w/ him to school and I can't fly. Too far along.
@newmommy_navywife I kno it does! But I honestly don't kno how he asked who he talked to if he really did.. so oh well that's how I have to c it now.. I got my mom nd son nd friends to support me thru my labor its jus his lost..
@newmommy_navywife I kno me too! I thought getting married and heading down the right lane things would change but nope. Its actually worse. I'm basically goin thru the samething I did w/ my sons dad but at least thru all our crap he showed up at the hospital..
Alright ladies here is inside advice... I am in the navy and have been for almost nine years. Yes I am one of the working pregnant females as well. Your husband gets 10 days of FREE baby leave it will NOT count against him in anyway. However if he is still in school it is a little trickier to work out. Most commands I have ever been too all you have to do is call the new command and explain your situation, the reporting date can be delayed. As long as the command is not on deployment, or getting ready to deploy, and as long as they agree to it. As for the extra money it is called married with dependent pay...and guess hat the command does care how the spouse gets treated. Do not let him bulldog you into thinking they don't its a huge deal. You call the command master chief, but it does get him in trouble unless he can prove that he is sending you adequate amounts of money.
Now as for the 30 days leave they do not pay all the time for you to go home and see your family...only during a transfer. After that though you have to pay out of pocket, now as selfish as it is I do understand the reasoning behind it. Aftewr he xfers to guam he will have to pay for plane tickets just to see anyone. I was stationed in hawaii and those tickets are not cheap, and the further you are away from the states the harder it is to get your leave approved especially when u are brand new.
As for the working pregnant females in the navy...we bust our ass because we have too. Times are changing and retention in the navy sucks, they are on a kicking people out spree. So we have to remain as competitive as the guys or our evaluations suffer and then we become on the chopping block. Also we sign a counseling sheet that states what we are aware of and can/can't do....so its not a walk in the park and we do not have a choice to just sit back and relax. It can literally get us in trouble and potentially cost us our career.
@wiseccourt that is a common misconception since she is not in the navy he already recieves married with dependent pay....he does not receive extra money just because she is pregnant. He is receiving everything already since they are married. The only way they receive more is if they were dual military...in that sitution both members receive single bah, then once the baby is born whoever is senior would receive married with dependent (makes sense because the higher ranking persons bah is higher....for example if the wife was an E5 and the husband was an E4 then the wife would receive E5 bah with dependent.....it would be vice versa if the husband was E5 and the wife E4).
In this situation though he is already receiving max pay allowances....however in guam he will get an extra pay called COLA (cost of living allowance) but that will not be received until he checks into his new command...and COLA is a variable rate it is not the same every month it fluctuates with the economy out there.
Comments
Half of my friends and family are military. He's a controlling crazy person in my opinion... Do what you have to for you and your sons. Be confident and don't let him scare you. He will have a rude awakening once you do your research and know your rights. He has a lot of growing up to do!
I hope things work out. Get your info and be informed of your rights as a military spouse. Be informed so the next time he threatens you, you can give him the business and be a confident woman. You don't need the stress or some little boy acting like that towards you.
i dont think you should just stay because you dont think you can do better. YOU CAN! my mom stayed in a abusive relationship with my dad for 16 years and didnt think she could do better, she finally got out of it and is now happier then she ever has been.. just because you have 2 kids doesnt mean you wont find someone that will treat you better. you deserve to be happy no matter how many kids you have.
Yes keep me posted too. Im here for you. I may even try to get info from my sister and brother for you. My fam is mostly marines but I think some things are military wide.
My sister said you have to be married a few yrs for alimony but child support is a definate. She did say if he's that sucky you should leave. You're mom sounds great. Im sure she would help you get on your feet. My sister also brought up another point. I don't want you getting upset but she thinks he's prob cheating if he's choosing their over being w you. I think the military only cares about w in rank and above rank cheating w proof of the cheating so he won't get in trouble that way. I would ask his superiors about your rights as a wife asap though. So you can make the best decision for you and your sons
It's easy to lie when you're so far away. I hope you figure out what to do. Let me know how everything plays out.
@mommyof4girls nd yes it is easy to lie..but if he's cheating that's on him there wouldn't b nothing I can do its pointless to knock him up nd whoever he cheated on me w/ lol ill jus let god handle it.. I'm in a messed up situation anyways all my stuff is already in guam.. so either way I gotta deal w/ him to get my stuff back )=
Im sorry. I wish you luck and hope the best for you! Ill be praying!
I'm just curious though...hope I'm not getting too deep in your business. But why aren't you with him?
@newmommy_navywife supposely he tried everything. But I don't believe him.. but he left for school april 10th in mississippi and went straight to memphis for his leave.. I can't go w/ him to school and I can't fly. Too far along.
Good luck.
As for the extra money it is called married with dependent pay...and guess hat the command does care how the spouse gets treated. Do not let him bulldog you into thinking they don't its a huge deal. You call the command master chief, but it does get him in trouble unless he can prove that he is sending you adequate amounts of money.
Now as for the 30 days leave they do not pay all the time for you to go home and see your family...only during a transfer. After that though you have to pay out of pocket, now as selfish as it is I do understand the reasoning behind it. Aftewr he xfers to guam he will have to pay for plane tickets just to see anyone. I was stationed in hawaii and those tickets are not cheap, and the further you are away from the states the harder it is to get your leave approved especially when u are brand new.
As for the working pregnant females in the navy...we bust our ass because we have too. Times are changing and retention in the navy sucks, they are on a kicking people out spree. So we have to remain as competitive as the guys or our evaluations suffer and then we become on the chopping block. Also we sign a counseling sheet that states what we are aware of and can/can't do....so its not a walk in the park and we do not have a choice to just sit back and relax. It can literally get us in trouble and potentially cost us our career.
In this situation though he is already receiving max pay allowances....however in guam he will get an extra pay called COLA (cost of living allowance) but that will not be received until he checks into his new command...and COLA is a variable rate it is not the same every month it fluctuates with the economy out there.
Hope this clears things up slightly.